Domestic violence/Family violence is a scary topic to think about, but I can tell you firsthand how absolutely terrifying it is to experience violence at the hands of someone who is promised and is ‘supposed’ to keep you and your family safe. Exactly one year ago (Dec 2024) this became the scariest reality for my children and I. I/we spent 12 years living with and ‘loving’ someone who did not care to look after their mental health nor their rage and temper leading to a night could have ended me. It all came to an end that December when we experienced firsthand, the likelihood that this rage would lead to such kind of domestic violence. To say the least, that day has scared us for the rest of our lives. The children (7 and 2 years old) still run scared, cry, and panic when they see someone who resembles this individual. If someone looks like them, dresses like them, sounds like them, wears the same cologne as them, if someone yells and screams, loud noises, doors slamming, simple arguments, and so on are extreme triggers for my babies and they come running at me for protection as I was the protector that night and from that night forward. I have been the protector, provider, safety, and everything else that children would need to feel safe and protected by their mother. Words cannot express how much it hurts that my children are always on high alert and looking for their place of safety, me! This says a lot about the abuse they have suffered and even with therapy, it is not coming easy for them to even begin to let down their guard. I am honestly not even sure that it will ever happen. We have been trying desperately to piece back together the remaining pieces of what is left of my little family day in and day out. They need to feel safe 1st and foremost.

Trying to make it all work on a single person’s salary is by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do but it is a battle I will never give up on. I am continually trying to tend to everything on my own: caring for the home (internal and external), groceries – with the rising costs of food it is one heck of a struggle, bills, home maintenance (lawn care, snow removal, leaks, broken appliances, etc.), car maintenance, propane, fire wood, medical expenses (diabetes and kidney and bladder conditions), children’s clothing and they are growing out of it faster than I can keep up, laundry, cooking, child care, diapers. These don’t even begin to explain the demands on me as a mom and my sole salary.

As all this falls on my shoulders, I have tried to reach out for supports offered through the government, municipality, and so on with no success. I have applied for LEGAL AID but am continually denied due to my yearly income. I have spent the last 12 months arguing and advocating for myself and my family’s situation to get some kind of financial help for the legal matters but I am continually told that I do not qualify as I ‘make too much’ and that everything else (bills, essentials, other living expenses) aside from my yearly income ‘does not matter to us(Legal Aid)’. How this can happen is beyond me! I can barely afford to feed my children how could I not qualify??? How is a single mother of 2 young children on a single parent low income supposed to survive on such a small amount per year? I have continued to advocate for my family since December 2024 with absolutely NO help or budging from Legal Aid for this matter. I have reached out to lenders for loans, but I cannot receive financial assistance from them because I do not make enough money to be able to pay them back with everything else I have…..Ironic no? Given these current hard times everyone is seeming to go through with the cost of living right now, family and friends are not able to provide a lump sum of money I can borrow for these lawyer fees.

I am doing everything I can to continue to retain my lawyer who is fighting tooth and nail for my children and myself so that we can remain safe from any more abuse or worse. Unfortunately, my lawyer has advised me that he is no longer able to represent me as I am not able to provide his retainer due to the lack of funds I have. I have not been able to pay him anything due to having no more pennies to stretch and he has worked this far for nothing. His inability to continue to represent me without payment is understandable but scares me to death to think what could happen to us. This means that this war in keeping my children safe will end without representation for them. I am scared to lose my amazing lawyer due to not being able to afford him…it’s either pay the lawyer OR buy food, there is no in between in this case. It’s strictly one or the other. There is no way, no matter how hard I try, for me to be able to carry it all.

I am not one to ask for help, but this is a dire matter, and I am learning I can’t do it all on my own. Without a lawyer there is no way that we would ever be safe, healthy, happy, and out of the path of domestic abuse again. I completely understand if you cannot help, I appreciate you taking the time to read about our story. If you are, I would be forever grateful. Either way, from the bottom of our hearts, we thank you so much