September 7th. The day we were supposed to be welcoming our new baby into this world. Baby Blake’s due date. A headache and vomiting sent me to get some blood work done.  Blood work results sent to to labor and delivery at legacy salmon creek. What happened next changed the course of our life forever. We were supposed to be bringing home a new baby. Not planning a funeral. 

The dr comes into the room to try and use and ultrasound to find Blake’s heartbeat. One ultrasound machine. No luck. Second ultrasound machine. Nothing. Dr Whelan called an ultrasound tech to come in and do an ultrasound to see where our sweet babies heart beat was. Still. There was nothing there. Just silence. 

At that point I knew. I knew something was wrong. Something so devastating that I wouldn’t even wish it upon my worst enemy. 

Matt and my first thought was let’s do an emergency c-section. Maybe you’re wrong. Maybe baby is just being shy and we need another opinion. 

11 o’clock rolls around. They offer to probe his little head to monitor his heart rate. I couldn’t let that happen. I needed to be able to see what was left of my baby and I needed him to be as intact as possible. 

The nurse, dr and ultrasound tech all staring at a screen. Blank faces. No fluid around our sweet baby. No heart beat in between his ribs right where his perfect little heart should be beating. 

Being told your baby is gone at 40 weeks pregnant is nothing I would wish upon anyone. Having to go through a very traumatic labor in order to welcome our baby into a world where he would never take a breath or cry for the first time. 

All we can do is stare at him. He’s perfect in every way. The perfect mix of both Matt and I. We welcomed our perfect 5 pound 8 ounce sleeping baby into this world at 1:58 on September 9th. A day I know we will never forget. We love you so much Blake. You will always be our baby.