To Evie, Love Mom

Most of you know Jaime. She was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma in 2014 when Evie (her daughter) was just 7. When we went to the hospital a few weeks ago for a routine procedure, we had no idea that she wouldn't get to come home again. We did not know we'd already experienced our last shared embraces, meaningful conversations, and laughter as a family. If things seriously started to go awry, we thought, surely we'd get the luxury of setting up proper goodbyes and humorous/sweet videos and posthumous gifts with instructions. That didn't happen and I know it will be something we always regret. 

I know she did everything, EVERYTHING in her power to change the outcome... but she will lose the battle all the same. Jaime is going to die and this is the only way I can think to offer her one last bit of solace: the knowledge that the bond between mother and daughter will endure. 

We know Jaime as pugnacious, altruistic, and joyful in spite of the hardship of her disease. She is the woman who stands at the prow of the ship and shakes her fist defiantly at the incoming squall. She is also painfully shy, introverted, and worries about being awkward in social situations. She is gorgeous beyond belief, articulate, and nurturing to all living and inanimate/stuffed creatures. In her most intimate moments with her loved ones, she is tender and giving even while at her most ill. Even while encased in a breathing mask, struggling to pull oxygen, she has the gall to tell me not to cry...that it's all going to be okay. 

I believe Evie understands her mom's courage when it came to her battles but I'm also realistic enough to know she mostly remembers a fatigued and pallid version of Jaime that was prone to late nights and surprise doctor visits. It's very hard for me to write this but I know that while Evie loves Jaime so much, she only has a fuzzy recollection of the warrior that is inside. 

As time goes by and details fade, I want  Evie to have a more accurate and fair picture of her awesome mom. I want her to revisit memories of Jaime through the eyes of those who knew her. To admire, emulate and reconnect with her mom through our stories. 

For Jaime, I want to allay her fears. Her fear that her existence had no impact and that cancer robbed her of both a tangible and intangible legacy.  Her fear that Evie will grow cynical and lose her perspective of a kind and wondrous world. 

Most of all, I want Jaime to know that Evie will feel mom's love forever.

This GoFundMe is to ensure Jaime continues to be a role model and loving presence in Evie’s life as she grows. The donations will empower Jaime to surprise her daughter at major moments in her life with meaningful gifts. Depending on the funds, it can be as simple as a prom dress or as ambitious as a wedding dress. It can be a small cash car to a backpacking trip on her graduation year, or any combination therein. We want Evie to see just how much her mom clawed out a presence in this world and how big of a chasm she leaves behind. That her existence was impactful to many. That while she would desperately love to be here to guide and teach Evie, those examples and life lessons are embedded in the admiration, kindness and love she inspired in those around her. 

Regardless of whether you can donate, I would love if you left a blurb about Jaime. Any anecdote, elaborate or small! Anything, no matter how mundane it may seem, will add color to our memories and further cement her presence. In our stories of her we will build our forever. 

I am so sorry tesoro mio. I'll never be able to memorialize you in the way that you deserve. I hope to give you some form of immortality by having Evie carry our most vivid memories of you and by making sure your bond with our girl never fades away. I will love you forever. It always be us, in eternity.  Per sempre io e te.