A father's cry for help!

David Porter is organizing this fundraiser.

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Hello. My name is David and I live in Alexandria, VA. I am the father of a soon to be 8 year old son named Lake. I am writing this for those who know me and for those of you who may stumble across this letter and want to know more.

To begin; I am asking for help in acquiring funds for legal fees to modify my divorce decree as it relates to the financial and emotional stresses it has caused me over the past 4 years. Below are some bullet points I plan to contest with the assistance of my attorney:

*Responsible for 60% of all school tuition.
*Responsible for 60% of all out of pocket medical expenses.
*Responsible for 60% of all after school activities.
*Responsible for $500 per month in Child support during months while school is in session.
*Responsible for $250 per month in child support during the Summer.
*Responsible for being in NYC once per month to visit.
*Child support payments to continue until child is 21 years of age.
*Mother has Child every Christmas.
*Mother has Child every Birthday.

The combination of the sum total of the bullet points above that leaves me feeling like death by 1000 cuts.

Upon my separation my ex-wife decided to move from Northern Virginia (moving forward I'll referred to as NoVA) to New York City with my son. The distance has been challenging (tolls, gas, hotel, and food) but once a month I drive to NJ to meet his mother and bring him to NoVA and once a month I go to NYC to visit. Going to NYC once a month helps keep him off of the roads since it is a 250 mile drive one way.

He also comes to to NoVA for every Holiday (with the exception of Christmas and his Birthday) and from June 17th through Labor Day in September. I am quite thankful to have so much access and to be able to spend so much time with him throughout the year. I would say that out of 12 months; I get to spend almost 5 months with him. I want to be very clear that his mother is absolutely wonderful when it comes to he and I spending time together and I have no intention of making changes to that portion of the agreement.

Heres where everything begins to fall apart. His mother decided on a private school in Manhattan that costs $45,000 a year of which I had no say in the choice of the school but I am legally responsible for 60% of tuition. Fortunately the school provided "financial assistance" which brought the tuition down to $25,000 per year paid over 10 months. My monthly contribution is $1250 in addition to whatever activities she chooses for him along with after care which ranges about $250 per month. Add in the child support and the monthly outlay averages about $2000 per month.

The tuition for the school began in April of 2017 (I was paying tuition for the Catholic school he was already attending) and has continued since my son is now in 2nd grade. I clearly explained to her that I was not in agreement with her choice of schools (there are other high quality options such as charter schools, language immersion or even International Baccalaureate schools) and that financially I couldn't pay tuition and child support, and after care, and come to NYC once a month. In response to my stressing the fact that the math didn't add up as far as my income; the response was simply "well make more money". To make ends meet I drove Lyft/Uber from 5am to 9am then worked my full time job and drove again later in the evening from 7pm - 11pm. As of August 16, 2018 I lost my full-time job and I am now driving full time simply to make sure I can pay for all of my necessities.

In June of 2017 I made a fatal mistake of paying the $1000 a month tuition instead of paying her the $500 child support. I thought that paying the larger of the 2 amounts (tuition) so that the child could attend the school his mother wanted him to attend would be the right thing to do because education is the key to his future. Needless to say I received a letter in August 2018 from the department of child support enforcement stating I owe 14 months of child support and that the tuition, camp, aftercare, dentist bills and everything else I paid for the child was NOT child support. I paid the school tuition because her salary was much higher than my own and there was zero chance of my son ending up hungry or homeless or having his quality of life altered or downgraded.

1.) I did not seek legal counsel in 2014 once she decided to leave the marriage so that I could ensure an equitable divorce decree.
2.) I did not seek legal counsel last year when I was faced with the choice of tuition over child support. I did what I thought was right for my son but I was wrong.
3.) The divorce decree has no ceiling. She can send him to another school that's more expensive; send him off to hockey camp, tennis camp, coding camp or ANYTHING she wants to and can simply send me the bill even though we have joint custody.

I have chosen the attorney I want to represent me in this situation. I had the opprotuntiy to discuss my case with him way back in January 2016 but I did not pursue it because I was so emotionally defeated. Today (10/5/18) I am in a completely different place mentally. I know that I need to be strong for my son and that I need to push to have the changes made.

Your financial support will allow me to look less like an ATM and more like what actually am; a highly active father in my son's life. I asked "at what point would I be able to plan for my son's future" and I was told "you don't get to save; make more money". Your support will help me cap some of the financial demands and begin saving for my sons future. My son has not had the chance to wake up with me on Christmas morning since he was 3 years old; your support will allow him to have his voice heard and his wish granted. My son and I discussed him having his 8th birthday party here in Virginia with his friends and family; your support would help make that a possibility in the future.

I love my son as I believe all parents do. I held my son for first hour of his life. The first time he rode his bike it was with me. He learned to swim with me during the Summer. I took him out of the country this year for the first time. I changed his first diaper in the hospital. I play "it tag" with my son over FaceTime (thank God for technology) and talk with him daily before bed. Everything I am attempting to do is for him. I decided not to have anymore children simply because I didn't want him to feel as if he wasn't loved or that a "second family" was more important. I have gone from owning 2 properties with great credit; to having my credit ravaged by the divorce. I sold off one the property and had the other go into foreclosure to filing for bankruptcy in 2017 and I'm quickly rebuilding again. None of this is about me alone; rather I am responding and addressing the obstacles before me as I work to build a brighter future for my son. I feel like I am trying to push a boulder up an icy hill while wearing roller-skates.

These funds will go directly to the attorney. If you are a Virginia Family law attorney and you are reading this; your pro-bono legal assistance would accepted in lieu of funds. Every month that passes the support payments increase so getting the judge to put a hold on them as we go through the legal proceedings is paramount. In other words; I need/want/beg and plead for the funds ASAP.

There are not enough words in my vocabulary or enough space in my heart to express or contain my gratitude. I am connected to 474 people on Facebook. If each of you donated $21.09 I could reach this goal. I am putting this out to the universe and my arms are open to hopefully receive. Thank you for reading!

David-

Lake on the July 2018; me in 1990.