Hope for Fanwell

The devil tried to trick me into death but he lost and will forever lose, thanks to Jesus Christ who died for us all on the cross.

Everybody gets things thrown at them in life. Fanwell in particular, the youngest in our family, hasn't been dealt the best cards in life. Our mother passed away from cancer in 2014 and Fanwell by that time was only 17. As anyone would agree, losing a parent is a tough experience. Since that time, Fanwell has lived in a blur. Fanwell had debts, and these have kept growing.

In 1994 when the war in Rwanda started, by that time Fanwell was not yet born. Fanwell was born in 1997 in Zambia and in 1999 we sought asylum in the Netherlands, which we received a few years later. Fanwell grew up in the Netherlands from the age of 4. I, Phillas, as the sister that comes before Fanwell, have seen Fanwell struggling just like I have struggled with Dutch culture and my Rwandan/Christian upbringing.

Fanwell has been holding his emotions and thoughts for way too long. I know Fanwell as a happy, loving, kind and energetic kid when we were growing up. The older he grew, the more questions started to come up in his mind. Mom always had a soft approach in helping out and giving advice. When that disappeared, I saw Fanwell keeping things to himself. In the Rwandan culture, people don't talk about their emotions. You try to be the man and find solutions on your own. But Fanwell was still a kid and the relationship between him and my father was not smooth. Fanwell ended up needing to live in supportive housing. Slowly by slowly Fanwell started to get psychiatric problems. He had some psychotic episodes and has been to the high intensive care many times.

At the end of this year, Fanwell was tempted to take his own life. But as he himself has bitterly confessed, something told him to turn around and land on his feet after jumping from the third floor of his apartment. He tried to reduce the impact from the jump, but the force was too much, his ankles broke and his heels were shuttered. He tried to protect himself using his arms, but his arms broke. Eventually the right side of his face landed on the ground. He has multiple fractures in the right side of his face in addition to a concussion.

As a family this has hit us hard, as you can imagine. Nevertheless we are thankful that Fanwell is stable and is able to talk. I, Phillas, have a strong feeling that Fanwell feels worthless. He knows we love him, but feels like he will never amount to anything. That is why I am writing this and want to give Fanwell hope. As for the past 9 years, Fanwell has been trying to build his life, but hasn't finished paying off all the debts, he hasn't been able to fully deal with the loss of our mother. And so much more of dealing with growing up and finding himself and knowing who you are. For heaven’s sake, I’m in my thirties and I am still finding myself.

This GoFundMe is for Fanwell to find hope. My prayer is to free him from all these worries and cares as far as debts go. I pray Fanwell will find the strength to forgive himself and see that he is loved. As for the coming time, Fanwell needs to rehabilitate and we don’t know if he is going to be able to walk again, but we serve a God of miracles, Amen! I pray that this may be a testimony, to not only Fanwell, but to anyone else that has struggles in life. For those that believe we know that this world is not our home, but I pray that we can help Fanwell feel at home once again for the years to come.

The above was written by me on the night of 31st of December 2023, just after the incident. I, Phillas Niyitulinda, wrote this because I was heartbroken and I still am.

As for now, Fanwell has become homeless and spends most of his time wandering in the streets of Utrecht. Yes, we are grateful that he is able to walk. Yes, it is also because of the bad choices he has made in life but as we all know, you need the capability to deal with things which comes from experience and upbringing. I believe Fanwell didn't have that resilience yet, at 17 years of age, when our mom passed away. I believe Fanwell didn't get to build that resilience the years after, he was and still is dealing with his grief by himself and numbing it with mostly cannabis and who knows what. I believe that mistakes were made by more people than Fanwell alone. And I believe that Fanwell can be dealt a good card for once and through guidance find peace, without having a burden of debt and feeling like he is a thousand steps behind all the time.

I do want to end with this, looking at his past and looking to Jesus, I do think He needs a lot of love. For all he is doing right now is pushing that away, thinking he is worthless. For more information contact me by e-mail or telephone.

Lastly, thank you for your support and prayers.

God bless you.