December 2025

TW: birth trauma & infertility

As I get ready for my last week of maternity leave… which is sad and pathetic in its own way (thank you to the US gov for absolutely nothing). I am reluctantly choosing to share my story & ask for help. If nothing else I hope this spreads awareness about the reality of birth trauma and how common it really is (1 in 3 women). Especially in a time where social media & particularly Vermont in general heavily promotes home birth and the rhetoric that hospitals are unnecessary. If that was your story, I am so happy for you and everyone should be able to make their own choices. Luckily, my anxiety would never have let me pursue that “birth plan” to begin with, and from the get go mine was as simple as “alternative lighting & not dying” which I guess I got… otherwise I would not be here to raise my beautiful daughter alongside my husband.

This experience is a pretty lonely grief in general, as I know that our situation will not seem inherently tragic or necessary to some of you. I want to thank my family & friends from the bottom of my heart for being there for me to celebrate the excitement of pregnancy, birth of my beautiful daughter, but also being there as well during a traumatic postpartum. Sending care packages, meals, money for meals and checking in consistently. ❤️❤️❤️❤️ we are forever grateful.

This is the last thing I want to do but I am at a point where I am not sure what else to do. This puts me in an extremely vulnerable position and I ask everyone who reads this to withhold judgements & give me some grace. I feel even more conflicted with the state of the world and asking anyone for help but I want to chose to believe in hope and that the future I imagined is possible. As uncomfortable as this is for me… If I don’t try everything, I know I will regret it in the future. Focusing on the solution is the only way I can mentally handle this situation and I thank everyone in advance for their time while reading my story.

I have always been a little scared of childbirth, just how things could go so seriously wrong so quick. I so desperately wanted to trust the process and release those fears (which I did a pretty good job of up until the birth!) but the feeling always lingered. A friend gave me a set of positive pregnancy affirmations and the only one I ever had on presentation in my room was “my delivery will be painless & beautiful” … Dom kindly got rid of that before I got back from the hospital (without me asking him! :) ) I was also just so excited to start this beautiful new chapter of life after experiencing so much loss in my lifetime.

On a night in December around 3am, I woke up to my water breaking. The hospital prompted us to come in as baby girl was on her way! M was delivered safely around 6pm later that day. I was so relieved to have her on my chest, thinking to myself “oh my god I did it, she’s here, it’s over and we’re both okay.”

Just minutes later after M was born, (truly the happiest moment in my life!) would turn into arguably the worst day… and week of my life. I am so grateful my baby girl is here and safe & I know that families try for years for just one baby… and I am forever grateful that I was blessed with such a beautiful, healthy & thriving little girl. Despite this, I cannot help but simultaneously grieve the dream of our family.

After a little while of having M on my chest, the doctor told me that my placenta wouldn’t deliver, she could not remove my placenta & that they would need to bring me into OR to surgically remove it. I was given a clipboard with a paper to sign and starred at it for a minute so terrified. What was supposed to be a one hour surgery, turned into 6. They weren’t able to surgically remove the placenta & I had suffered a massive hemorrhage leading to multiple blood transfusions. My husband and daughter sat together in our hospital room, not sure of what the future would actually look like & if I would be okay.

6 hours later, around 1am, I was woken up and told that they were unable to remove my placenta & since I had already been bleeding out they had to perform a lifesaving, emergency hysterectomy. Although grateful to be alive… I was devastated. I had imagined so many scenarios of delivery and this was never one of them. I was completely blindsided and just wanted to be with my new family. Dom & M came down to the operating room where I was able to snuggle very briefly before being placed in a separate room on a separate floor for monitoring.

For the next 12 hours I was alone unable to see my baby or Dom. I wasn’t allowed to eat (it had been 24 hours) & I was just so, so sad. Although most of the nurses were very kind and understanding, there were a couple that made matters worse by being unreasonably rude, told me to stop crying & unnecessarily & repeatedly kept stabbing my arm trying to draw blood (unsuccessfully). When I asked for them to just take my blood from one of the three IVs in my arms, they refused. This delayed my bloodwork for at least 3 additional hours, which were the results I needed to go back upstairs with my family. When my attending nurse finally listened to me that the lab nurses still hadn’t taken my bloodwork, she was concerned and contacted that department. Eventually two other nurses came down, and guess what! took the blood from the IV. After the results came back I was able to reunite with M & Dom.

I just wanted so badly to enjoy my beautiful newborn and not let this situation rob my joy. We ordered sushi and I just tried to forget about the entire night. The next morning they took my blood and the results led to a CT scan, showing internal bleeding from the hysterectomy. I was already defeated, devastated and in so much pain. They informed me that they would have to do another surgery on my abdomen. They started more blood transfusions. They eventually came back in and told me that I was going to be airlifted to Dartmouth because they had newer technology and would be able to do a less invasive procedure to stop the bleeding. I really didn’t want to go… but off I went in the helicopter. Dom, M & my parents followed.

I made it to the ICU & spent the next week at Dartmouth, where they were able to stop the bleeding and start recovery. ❤️‍ I was able to be discharged a week later and finally get home to snuggling M and enjoy our new family.

Unfortunately, my dream of just two children was ripped away from me before I could even start to enjoy my first born. I can no longer carry children and surrogacy in the US is unattainable. The cost is between 150-200k, which is unfortunately an amount of money we will never be able to obtain on our own. I’ve been thoroughly researching international surrogacy where the cost is significantly less (still A LOT), and have found a reputable agency to move forward with. Unfortunately, we just do need some help to move forward with IVF this summer and have enough for the process.

The process of IVF + surrogacy is also a long one and can take up to (minimum) 2 years. This is never something I wanted to start planning immediately after giving birth, but with the current circumstances I feel we have no other option. I am not super confident that the monetary goal of this crowdfund can even be achieved, and I’m sure will take a while to raise (if at all). Every dollar will go towards IVF & the surrogacy journey. I have also applied for several IVF grants, but only one person is chosen per year for most of them. Fun fact: As of early 2026, Vermont is the only state in New England (and generally considered the last in the Northeast region) without a comprehensive fertility insurance mandate.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you for taking the time to read. We will update everyone who contributes as we continue to move forward and make sure you are apart of the journey!

If you are able to share this gofundme, that would also be greatly appreciated!

With so much love & gratitude,

Jacy, Dominic & M