Support the Rockwoods

Friends and family,

We want to let you in and share that we have been going through something difficult for the past year and a half - repeated pregnancy loss.

For those who know, I want to start by saying thank you for being there for us. Whether it was to ask how we were, send beautiful flowers or shed a few tears with me. Your hugs, words and support have touched our hearts.

Simply put, we have been getting pregnant back-to-back since July 2021, but we lose the pregnancies somewhere between 5 and 9 weeks. After having no issues with my first pregnancy (Alina), I wasn’t prepared for this. Age plays a factor, but for an unknown reason, my AMH hormone level (which should relate to egg count) is testing much lower than it should for my age. I have asked why, and was told that "we just don't know - the field of infertility is just 40 years old." We have been to three fertility specialists in Austin for reproductive testing and treatment, including a failed IUI. We were turned away by a fourth doctor in Austin, traveled to Denver for further testing, and are now back with a new specialist in Austin. Throughout all this time, we learned the cause of only one loss. The miscarriage was due to triploidy from the paternal side, a one-off type miscarriage. We also learned that there are no physiological reasons that mean I cannot carry a baby at this point. In total, including the one last month, we have lost 7 pregnancies in a row.

The sense of loss has been profound. I know PJ feels it too, but he remains positive and steady. I love him so much. Of course, we are hoping for a sibling for Alina, but it will also be PJ’s first biological child. Honestly, I’ve become a bit overwhelmed by the pressure and doubt in my ability. That being said, whenever I receive news that a friend is pregnant or has success, I am filled with hope and happiness for them. It has also helped to find podcasts and talk to people with similar stories, of which there are many.

I've learned a lot through this experience. I realize there is a great lack of reproductive health support, education and preventative care in our country. We should be able to opt-in to simple ovarian reserve bloodwork at an annual check-up. Fertility preservation should be encouraged and affordable for those who find out their fertile window is shorter than the average. Doctors should always encourage male-factor testing. And therapy should be accessible to deal with anxiety and depression related to infertility. Most companies run hard and fast from offering fertility and mental health coverage. The US in particular simply does not offer adequate care.

Next month, we hope to begin the IVF process. After trying for a year and a half with recurrent miscarriage, we believe this is the right next step. We only imagined conceiving naturally, but we have realized that IVF could be the blessing that brings a healthy baby into our family. The last few years have been so challenging. We got married during Covid, moved from Colorado, and bought a home we are currently putting our blood, sweat and tears into. We planned to finally have a wedding celebration with friends and family in Texas, but now we are faced with this unforeseen life event. And while we don't want to ask for help and have felt unworthy of receiving financial support, we know that it's what we need to do.

At $25,000 per IVF cycle (with the average couple needing two cycles for success), the cost is significant without any fertility benefits. It is a particularly challenging time to afford this, but it could be that with help from our big circle, we can piece it together. It may end up that donor eggs make more sense than trying to retrieve and test many of mine, and this can double the cost of IVF. But we know there are bigger causes out there. Whether it be a donation or a prayer, we appreciate whatever you can give. And one day, when you need help, I hope you know that we are here for you. It’s awkward to send this, embarrassing even, but it encourages us and keeps our hope alive.

All our love, luck and blessings to you this year. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you.

Joanna and Paul