Bend, don't break.

This is what I told myself when I was sat crying outside the hospital last week whilst my partner was inside having tests run as an inpatient.

Last Sunday, my partner Alex was diagnosed with cardio-respiratory failure. He now needs round the clock care that is intensive and invasive, and is breathless and in pain constantly. We had an emergency ambulance again on Saturday night because his oxygen saturation hit 70%.

Despite moving to Manchester in January, and pre-warning the council we were coming, it is nearly September and the care hours we were allocated (almost 30 a week between us) in April still haven't resulted in any care or funding actually making its way to us. So I'm doing everything myself. The cooking, the cleaning, the handiwork, and the care. And by god, am I making a mess of it. And by god, is it a shitshow.

We've regularly ordered takeout at 11pm because I've broken down in tears in the kitchen or on the staircase, because the stairs are too hard or the kitchen is too unclean. At the moment the dishwasher is broken and that's just awful. Another brick flung at the window that is my fragile self.

I've spent £600 this month alone on paying for care privately, because we simply couldn't manage without it. It's absolutely unconscionable to me that the council will leave us like this, but they have, and so I have to turn to you.

For the first five months we lived here for strange and complex reasons we didn't have a black/grey (general waste) bin. Because of this, our garage is full of literal trash, and I don't have a car or a licence to take it to the tip. Nor do I know anyone with a van and the time.

Now the gas service is due and the boiler is in there, and if the landlord finds out about the state it is in we may very well lose our home. I'm frightened and extremely overwhelmed. These things are pressing down on me like a colossal weight, all the time.

To have a man clear the garage urgently, it will cost around £500. We then need to recoup the costs of: the hospital stay; the back and forth taxis to the hospital/A&E/me visiting hospital; too many takeaways; hospital appointment and doctors appointment taxis, and bigger taxis that cost more in order to accommodate my partner's wheelchair; and a hotel stay that was meant to be respite and was in fact one of the most stressful experiences of my life.

If you could help lift the weight of this acute stressor by donating even a small amount, or a larger amount to maybe push us towards fighting long-term stressors, or sharing this fundraiser, I would appreciate it so much, words can hardly express it. Thank you if you've read this far. Thank you for sticking with me.