Instead of a onesie- help us give parenthood.
Donation protected
Instead of giving a onesie - Help us be recognised as legal parents!
A legal parent is a person who is legally recognised as a child’s parent and has the legal right to have custody of a child and make decisions about the child’s health, education, and well-being. Many people may not even think about signing a permission slip or registering a child for a summer camp as a right- but we definitely understand this. Imagine every time you travel with your child having to have an official letter stating that you have the right to be involved if there is a medical emergency. In many cases, like ours, the child and the parent who is not legally recognised will not have the same nationality. It has been 5 and a half years since we began our journey for our first child to have both parents legally recognised in Italy. We choose the donor that assisted in creating our child's life together. We were together for the entire pregnancy and for the delivery. Needless to say- although even before our baby’s first breath there have been two parents, only one has been legally recognised.
Now before you think that we are going to go on and on about all of the things wrong about the legal system (of course we will but…) - hold on to your hats-we have great news- there is another baby on the way! Number 2! We are so excited to welcome another member to our family. However we still have not resolved our dual parenthood case with the Italian courts and are still facing the challenge of how to become two legal parents from birth. As we wait for the court decision for our first child, we have decided to move to a city where same sex parents are given the same rights and are allowed to be represented on the birth certificate: Bologna! Our first request for our first child was in Pisa. Does changing cities really make a difference? Yes- currently in Italy it does (put your reading glasses on and continue to scroll if you want to know why).
And this time we are appealing to the old proverb "It takes a village" to help us. Our move to Bologna comes at a challenging financial time as one of us- like so many- has lost her job due to the Covid19 pandemic. In the past we managed to cover the cost of our lawyer and court fees with the help of close family, volunteer work, pro bono work and activists who have been involved.
Now we are hoping to fundraise money to help us cover the extra costs of our move (about EUR 2,000/ @$2,415.). This includes the costs of the moving boat/van, packing supplies and real estate agent. We appreciate any amount you can give, as well as your words of support and encouragement (and second child parenting advice).
We feel that the fight we are still going through with our first child combined with a successful story with our second is extremely important to our family and to other LGBTQ families who simply seek the right for their child’s birth certificate to represent their complete family.
Read more below to know our story and our challenges.
A bit more about us:
We are an international family: 2 moms (from the USA and Italy) and presently have 1 child and live in Italy. We want to ensure that we will both be recognised as legal parents in Italy, in the USA and everywhere in the world, and that our children can have both American and Italian citizenship, so they can freely move between our two countries and families of origin.
We share all aspects of our lives together, and got married in 2014 in Chicago, USA (unfortunately it was not legal for us to be married in Wisconsin at that point). We entered our parenthood endeavour together 6 years ago (wow time flies). Our first child is now over 5 years old and, despite a legal journey that has led us all the way to Italy’s Constitutional Court, has only one legal parent, the birth mother who is from the USA. This means he can only have US citizenship, not Italian. Our battle started before the birth and we are still waiting for the outcome. If the Italian courts deny our request we will begin a new legal process in courts of the USA.
Why only one parent on the American birth certificate?
After the Italian authorities refused to put two mothers on the birth certificate, we were only allowed to get a birth certificate listing one mom (the American one). After that we had at least hoped that the American Embassy would give us the American Birth certificate including two moms. However, they also said no. The reason given was: although in the USA it is legal to have two same sex parents listed as Parent 1 and Parent 2, the USA has agreed to follow Italian law when a child is born in Italy (even if they are not given an Italian passport). So, since Italian law does not permit two mothers on a child’s birth certificate, the result is the USA will not recognise these mothers either. So US Embassy transcribed what was (unjustly) written on the Italian certificate. Three weeks later the passport arrived in Florence along with grandma from Wisconsin (hurray!) and although we were not legally two moms it was clear that our parenthood journey was well on its way judging by the fact that we looked more jet-lagged than her.
What does it mean when you don’t have legal parenthood?
The non-parent parent has to carry legal documents at all times stating that she has permission from the legal parent to make decisions about the child although there is no guarantee that this will be honoured in all circumstances. In day to day life it also means that if a child needs a permission slip to go to summer camp signed only one parent can do it. It also means that the non-parent parent cannot transmit her citizenship. Therefore, in our case, our child is a foreigner in Italy (with the many complications and bureaucracy deriving from that). This is because Italy also has unjust laws regarding citizenship: while for instance in the USA any child born in the USA will be automatically American (“jus soli”) a child born in Italy, instead, needs to have at least one Italian parent in order to be Italian.
More about our path to parenthood with our first child
For our first child we have taken a legal route hoping as activists to make a change in the Italian system and for other international LGBTQ families in Italy. We began this process months before our first child was born. Amidst the beauty and challenges that follow a birth that many families can identify with, our days required lobbying the administration to collaborate in submitting us as two parents (unsuccessfully- which was quite disappointing) while still in the hospital. These days represented the challenging road ahead which has required significant work by lawyers and has lead us all the way to the Constitutional Court, the highest court in Italy that interprets the Constitution and all laws.
Changes in Italy
Since our first was born there have been some changes here in Italy. There is unfortunately still no law recognising same-sex parenthood. However, about one year after we unsuccessfully requested dual parenthood in Pisa, a couple helped by the same lawyer was successful in Turin, Italy. This opened a small but important window. Since that case, mayors who support equality have the possibility to do the same (though most choose not to do that). It seems hard to believe, that this decision is up to the each individual mayor in each individual city. Given these circumstances we have decided to be strategic for our second birth. (Begin dramatic music here.). By moving to Bologna our second child will have the right to have two legal parents and will be recognised not only as Italian but also as American.
A legal parent is a person who is legally recognised as a child’s parent and has the legal right to have custody of a child and make decisions about the child’s health, education, and well-being. Many people may not even think about signing a permission slip or registering a child for a summer camp as a right- but we definitely understand this. Imagine every time you travel with your child having to have an official letter stating that you have the right to be involved if there is a medical emergency. In many cases, like ours, the child and the parent who is not legally recognised will not have the same nationality. It has been 5 and a half years since we began our journey for our first child to have both parents legally recognised in Italy. We choose the donor that assisted in creating our child's life together. We were together for the entire pregnancy and for the delivery. Needless to say- although even before our baby’s first breath there have been two parents, only one has been legally recognised.
Now before you think that we are going to go on and on about all of the things wrong about the legal system (of course we will but…) - hold on to your hats-we have great news- there is another baby on the way! Number 2! We are so excited to welcome another member to our family. However we still have not resolved our dual parenthood case with the Italian courts and are still facing the challenge of how to become two legal parents from birth. As we wait for the court decision for our first child, we have decided to move to a city where same sex parents are given the same rights and are allowed to be represented on the birth certificate: Bologna! Our first request for our first child was in Pisa. Does changing cities really make a difference? Yes- currently in Italy it does (put your reading glasses on and continue to scroll if you want to know why).
And this time we are appealing to the old proverb "It takes a village" to help us. Our move to Bologna comes at a challenging financial time as one of us- like so many- has lost her job due to the Covid19 pandemic. In the past we managed to cover the cost of our lawyer and court fees with the help of close family, volunteer work, pro bono work and activists who have been involved.
Now we are hoping to fundraise money to help us cover the extra costs of our move (about EUR 2,000/ @$2,415.). This includes the costs of the moving boat/van, packing supplies and real estate agent. We appreciate any amount you can give, as well as your words of support and encouragement (and second child parenting advice).
We feel that the fight we are still going through with our first child combined with a successful story with our second is extremely important to our family and to other LGBTQ families who simply seek the right for their child’s birth certificate to represent their complete family.
Read more below to know our story and our challenges.
A bit more about us:
We are an international family: 2 moms (from the USA and Italy) and presently have 1 child and live in Italy. We want to ensure that we will both be recognised as legal parents in Italy, in the USA and everywhere in the world, and that our children can have both American and Italian citizenship, so they can freely move between our two countries and families of origin.
We share all aspects of our lives together, and got married in 2014 in Chicago, USA (unfortunately it was not legal for us to be married in Wisconsin at that point). We entered our parenthood endeavour together 6 years ago (wow time flies). Our first child is now over 5 years old and, despite a legal journey that has led us all the way to Italy’s Constitutional Court, has only one legal parent, the birth mother who is from the USA. This means he can only have US citizenship, not Italian. Our battle started before the birth and we are still waiting for the outcome. If the Italian courts deny our request we will begin a new legal process in courts of the USA.
Why only one parent on the American birth certificate?
After the Italian authorities refused to put two mothers on the birth certificate, we were only allowed to get a birth certificate listing one mom (the American one). After that we had at least hoped that the American Embassy would give us the American Birth certificate including two moms. However, they also said no. The reason given was: although in the USA it is legal to have two same sex parents listed as Parent 1 and Parent 2, the USA has agreed to follow Italian law when a child is born in Italy (even if they are not given an Italian passport). So, since Italian law does not permit two mothers on a child’s birth certificate, the result is the USA will not recognise these mothers either. So US Embassy transcribed what was (unjustly) written on the Italian certificate. Three weeks later the passport arrived in Florence along with grandma from Wisconsin (hurray!) and although we were not legally two moms it was clear that our parenthood journey was well on its way judging by the fact that we looked more jet-lagged than her.
What does it mean when you don’t have legal parenthood?
The non-parent parent has to carry legal documents at all times stating that she has permission from the legal parent to make decisions about the child although there is no guarantee that this will be honoured in all circumstances. In day to day life it also means that if a child needs a permission slip to go to summer camp signed only one parent can do it. It also means that the non-parent parent cannot transmit her citizenship. Therefore, in our case, our child is a foreigner in Italy (with the many complications and bureaucracy deriving from that). This is because Italy also has unjust laws regarding citizenship: while for instance in the USA any child born in the USA will be automatically American (“jus soli”) a child born in Italy, instead, needs to have at least one Italian parent in order to be Italian.
More about our path to parenthood with our first child
For our first child we have taken a legal route hoping as activists to make a change in the Italian system and for other international LGBTQ families in Italy. We began this process months before our first child was born. Amidst the beauty and challenges that follow a birth that many families can identify with, our days required lobbying the administration to collaborate in submitting us as two parents (unsuccessfully- which was quite disappointing) while still in the hospital. These days represented the challenging road ahead which has required significant work by lawyers and has lead us all the way to the Constitutional Court, the highest court in Italy that interprets the Constitution and all laws.
Changes in Italy
Since our first was born there have been some changes here in Italy. There is unfortunately still no law recognising same-sex parenthood. However, about one year after we unsuccessfully requested dual parenthood in Pisa, a couple helped by the same lawyer was successful in Turin, Italy. This opened a small but important window. Since that case, mayors who support equality have the possibility to do the same (though most choose not to do that). It seems hard to believe, that this decision is up to the each individual mayor in each individual city. Given these circumstances we have decided to be strategic for our second birth. (Begin dramatic music here.). By moving to Bologna our second child will have the right to have two legal parents and will be recognised not only as Italian but also as American.
Co-organizers (2)
Denise Rinehart
Organizer
Bologna, ER
Giulia Garofalo Geymonat
Co-organizer