Help the Armstrong Family Grow!
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When Bill and I were dating, we often talked about how excited we were to get married and have kids together. We agreed that we wanted a big family, and that we wanted biological AND adopted children; we saw both ways of having children as incredibly beautiful, and we felt called to both of them!
When we got engaged, people started asking us how many children we wanted to have. We always said twelve, and then we laughed. It was funny because people were so surprised, but we weren’t really joking about the number. Both of us love children, and we talked a lot about our plans for how we would manage such a large family. (These days, when people ask how many children we want, we don't say a particular number anymore - we want to have the exact children God intends for us, whoever they are. That's what we're aiming for, not a number.)
We got married when I was 21 and Bill was 23, and just a few months after that (as soon as we verified that my anti-depressant wouldn’t be dangerous for any children we conceived) we started trying to have biological children. It became clear after a while of trying that it wasn’t going to be as easy for us as we had hoped and thought. We had a great doctor, and we were already using Creighton Model NFP (which is especially good for diagnosing fertility problems - praise be to God! We had no idea when we chose it.) I was fairly quickly diagnosed with low progesterone, and then PCOS; we tried several treatments (progesterone supplements, dietary changes, ovulation inducers) and all of them produced noticeable changes, but we still didn’t get pregnant.
When we’d been married for a year and a half or so, we prayed about pursuing adoption then, and felt called to do so. We applied to a local agency that worked with foster adoption. They told us, in no uncertain terms, that even though they would accept our application, they would never place a child with us because I was only 23 and we we still ever wanted to have biological children. We were so frustrated and sad, but all the other available agencies that did foster adoption in our county had the explicit rule that both prospective parents had to be at least 25 years old, so there wasn’t another option.
We continued pursuing biological parenthood; we tried different ovulation inducers. I continued working incredibly hard in therapy and with medication to improve my mental illness, partly in hopes that healing my mind would help heal my body. We still didn’t get pregnant.
When we’d been married for between two and three years, we prayed about adoption again and decided to look into infant adoption - maybe they would accept us, even though foster adoption wouldn’t! We talked to the Catholic Charities of our diocese, who do pre- and post- placement adoptions services, and at first they were really excited. Then, when I told them about our previous negative experience with foster adoption, they asked how old we were. When I told them I was 23 (or 24? I don’t remember exactly,) the adoption coordinator’s voice fell. She told me she didn’t know of any infant adoption agencies that would accept couples where one of the people was below 25. I thanked her. That time, the disappointment wasn’t as hard, but it was still terrible. Bill and I finally decided that we’d just have to wait on our adoption dream/calling until I turned 25, and until then, we would focus exclusively on biological parenthood.
Year before last, after several years of progesterone supplements and various ovulation inducers, I asked our beloved gynecologist if maybe it was time to try the laparoscopic abdominal surgery he’d mentioned before. He said that he thought it probably was; at this point, based on my NFP charts and my worsening period cramps (bad enough that even 4 ibuprofen and 4 acetaminophen still left me unable to walk or think clearly for large chunks of the first two days of my period) , he suspected I had endometriosis. So on December 31, 2015, I had my first real surgery ever. It turned out that I didn’t have endometriosis, but Dr. Lipscomb did fix some internal issues. Since then, my charts have looked much better and I’ve hardly had period cramps at all and I ovulate by myself without medicine!!! but still, after a little more than a year, we’re not pregnant.
So on August 13, 2016, I turned 25. Bill and I had been talking a little about it leading up to my birthday, and when my birthday came, we had the final conversation; did we feel called to pursue adoption right now? And wholeheartedly, the answer was yes.
So here we are. This time, when we started the process with Catholic Charities, we fit the application criteria for all the agencies they showed us as possibilities. We’ve started our homestudy and picked out an agency; we’re working with American Adoptions (though we won’t be officially accepted until our homestudy is completed and approved by them, so pray for us!) We’ll be working with their Agency-Assisted Program, which is specifically for children of half or full African-American descent!
The estimated cost of adoption with American Adoptions with the program we’re applying to is around $40,000 (it’s actually $31,000 - $36,000 estimated, but that doesn’t include things like airfare and the fact that we have to have the homestudy done by a different agency because we’re out of state which costs more, etc.) That money will be due in full to American Adoptions within two days of accepting an adoption opportunity. That means that once we’re officially accepted to American Adoptions and they start showing our profile to birth mothers, they could call us/email us at any time, and within two days we’d need to pay them $40,000 or so. They estimate that this will be one to six months from when we are fully accepted our program; it will probably be on the lower end of that for us, because we are willing to consider adopting any child we are offered the opportunity to adopt (we don’t have hard restrictions on race, parental drug use, etc.).
This is where you come in! We are a one-income family, which means we have so much time and attention to give to children!, but it also means that we cannot easily afford $40,000 as a sudden expense because it would be a large portion of our annual budget. We live below our means, and are responsible with our money, so we have plenty of money to raise a child (we think so, anyway!), but a $40,000 one-time payment wouldn’t be possible for us; what we’d have to do is take out a personal loan and then pay it off over time. We are willing to do that, but we really think it would be better not to, if we could avoid it; also, we know we have a great support system, and that we know many people who have known us during the terrible struggle of infertility and being turned away from adoption, and who really want to see us become parents.
So if you are someone who would really like to see us become parents, or if you are pro-life and want to help a mother who has chosen life and the family (us!) who will raise her beautiful child, or if you are moved by our story, or if you think adoption is wonderful, or if you just love us and want to help, or if you don’t even know us but you want to help anyway, then please consider donating to this GoFundMe, and please also consider showing it to other people who might want to help. And whether or not you have money to donate - please, please pray for us, in whatever way you feel comfortable praying. The money is precious, but the prayers are even more precious. However you support us in this terrifying, wonderful, difficult journey - we need it, and we appreciate it so much. We want you to be a part of this with us in whatever way you can.
Our goal is to have raised the full estimated cost of adoption by May 1, which is about when we’ll have finished our homestudy, hopefully. It's also the beginning of the month of Mary, the Mother of God :)! If you have any more questions for us, please send us a message. Even if the question feels too personal or maybe even rude, please ask! We’ll respond as best we can.
When we got engaged, people started asking us how many children we wanted to have. We always said twelve, and then we laughed. It was funny because people were so surprised, but we weren’t really joking about the number. Both of us love children, and we talked a lot about our plans for how we would manage such a large family. (These days, when people ask how many children we want, we don't say a particular number anymore - we want to have the exact children God intends for us, whoever they are. That's what we're aiming for, not a number.)
We got married when I was 21 and Bill was 23, and just a few months after that (as soon as we verified that my anti-depressant wouldn’t be dangerous for any children we conceived) we started trying to have biological children. It became clear after a while of trying that it wasn’t going to be as easy for us as we had hoped and thought. We had a great doctor, and we were already using Creighton Model NFP (which is especially good for diagnosing fertility problems - praise be to God! We had no idea when we chose it.) I was fairly quickly diagnosed with low progesterone, and then PCOS; we tried several treatments (progesterone supplements, dietary changes, ovulation inducers) and all of them produced noticeable changes, but we still didn’t get pregnant.
When we’d been married for a year and a half or so, we prayed about pursuing adoption then, and felt called to do so. We applied to a local agency that worked with foster adoption. They told us, in no uncertain terms, that even though they would accept our application, they would never place a child with us because I was only 23 and we we still ever wanted to have biological children. We were so frustrated and sad, but all the other available agencies that did foster adoption in our county had the explicit rule that both prospective parents had to be at least 25 years old, so there wasn’t another option.
We continued pursuing biological parenthood; we tried different ovulation inducers. I continued working incredibly hard in therapy and with medication to improve my mental illness, partly in hopes that healing my mind would help heal my body. We still didn’t get pregnant.
When we’d been married for between two and three years, we prayed about adoption again and decided to look into infant adoption - maybe they would accept us, even though foster adoption wouldn’t! We talked to the Catholic Charities of our diocese, who do pre- and post- placement adoptions services, and at first they were really excited. Then, when I told them about our previous negative experience with foster adoption, they asked how old we were. When I told them I was 23 (or 24? I don’t remember exactly,) the adoption coordinator’s voice fell. She told me she didn’t know of any infant adoption agencies that would accept couples where one of the people was below 25. I thanked her. That time, the disappointment wasn’t as hard, but it was still terrible. Bill and I finally decided that we’d just have to wait on our adoption dream/calling until I turned 25, and until then, we would focus exclusively on biological parenthood.
Year before last, after several years of progesterone supplements and various ovulation inducers, I asked our beloved gynecologist if maybe it was time to try the laparoscopic abdominal surgery he’d mentioned before. He said that he thought it probably was; at this point, based on my NFP charts and my worsening period cramps (bad enough that even 4 ibuprofen and 4 acetaminophen still left me unable to walk or think clearly for large chunks of the first two days of my period) , he suspected I had endometriosis. So on December 31, 2015, I had my first real surgery ever. It turned out that I didn’t have endometriosis, but Dr. Lipscomb did fix some internal issues. Since then, my charts have looked much better and I’ve hardly had period cramps at all and I ovulate by myself without medicine!!! but still, after a little more than a year, we’re not pregnant.
So on August 13, 2016, I turned 25. Bill and I had been talking a little about it leading up to my birthday, and when my birthday came, we had the final conversation; did we feel called to pursue adoption right now? And wholeheartedly, the answer was yes.
So here we are. This time, when we started the process with Catholic Charities, we fit the application criteria for all the agencies they showed us as possibilities. We’ve started our homestudy and picked out an agency; we’re working with American Adoptions (though we won’t be officially accepted until our homestudy is completed and approved by them, so pray for us!) We’ll be working with their Agency-Assisted Program, which is specifically for children of half or full African-American descent!
The estimated cost of adoption with American Adoptions with the program we’re applying to is around $40,000 (it’s actually $31,000 - $36,000 estimated, but that doesn’t include things like airfare and the fact that we have to have the homestudy done by a different agency because we’re out of state which costs more, etc.) That money will be due in full to American Adoptions within two days of accepting an adoption opportunity. That means that once we’re officially accepted to American Adoptions and they start showing our profile to birth mothers, they could call us/email us at any time, and within two days we’d need to pay them $40,000 or so. They estimate that this will be one to six months from when we are fully accepted our program; it will probably be on the lower end of that for us, because we are willing to consider adopting any child we are offered the opportunity to adopt (we don’t have hard restrictions on race, parental drug use, etc.).
This is where you come in! We are a one-income family, which means we have so much time and attention to give to children!, but it also means that we cannot easily afford $40,000 as a sudden expense because it would be a large portion of our annual budget. We live below our means, and are responsible with our money, so we have plenty of money to raise a child (we think so, anyway!), but a $40,000 one-time payment wouldn’t be possible for us; what we’d have to do is take out a personal loan and then pay it off over time. We are willing to do that, but we really think it would be better not to, if we could avoid it; also, we know we have a great support system, and that we know many people who have known us during the terrible struggle of infertility and being turned away from adoption, and who really want to see us become parents.
So if you are someone who would really like to see us become parents, or if you are pro-life and want to help a mother who has chosen life and the family (us!) who will raise her beautiful child, or if you are moved by our story, or if you think adoption is wonderful, or if you just love us and want to help, or if you don’t even know us but you want to help anyway, then please consider donating to this GoFundMe, and please also consider showing it to other people who might want to help. And whether or not you have money to donate - please, please pray for us, in whatever way you feel comfortable praying. The money is precious, but the prayers are even more precious. However you support us in this terrifying, wonderful, difficult journey - we need it, and we appreciate it so much. We want you to be a part of this with us in whatever way you can.
Our goal is to have raised the full estimated cost of adoption by May 1, which is about when we’ll have finished our homestudy, hopefully. It's also the beginning of the month of Mary, the Mother of God :)! If you have any more questions for us, please send us a message. Even if the question feels too personal or maybe even rude, please ask! We’ll respond as best we can.
Organizer
Lucy Magnolia Armstrong
Organizer
Durham, NC