Help Susan & Blake gain a new start in life

A Go Fund Me page my friend says…. Please just think about it….she says, she continues, I’ve had some kind hearted and caring people in this community ask “what can we do for her and Blake?”…. “What do they need, how can we help?”….. I say in my mind… Go Fund me page? As she was speaking, I was shrinking further down inside myself, always finding myself in total embarrassment.  I’m not a taker, I don’t want to always be the one needing the help I’m the giver, I want to be the one giving to others, doing for others, caring for others…. It’s when I am truly happiest when I am being the hands and feet of God as we all should be. To bless others with whatever situation they find themselves in and I begin to search, or if I have then I give and do what I can…. It’s what we are created for; it’s what drives me every day especially for my children, grandchildren.  These past years have been hard, ever since Elyse moved to Heaven in 2002, it seems as the earth has shifted and instead of a smooth circle it seems to wobble around the best it can.  Many were there for me, kind words, cards, phone calls, visits saying and doing anything within their means using words to sooth my soul in any way possible…. But I have to say these past 10 years have been the hardest yet for me…. Things have been said and done that have caused me and my family so much pain and humiliation that withdrawing from the world and everyday life was my only escape for most of these years…. I now find myself in a position after so very long to begin from nothing and move forward only with Faith in one hand and Hope in another…. If it were just me that I was wiping the slate a new, then weight of my decisions may not be so heavy but it isn’t, every thought, every step, every move I make affects innocents ones around me…. literally in every way! Blake my son is 26 years old and has full blown autism. When I am not at work I am with him all the time… It’s a fulltime job just trying to keep 2 staff people here with him while I work…. He has come a long ways with medication, seizures and most recently migraines… he and I have worked very very hard on everyday living skills… there is just not much of anything here in the state of Alabama has to offer him after 21 so his life is a very lonely one,  we have remained secluded from the world with him a lot because noises, crowds and other sensory issues he has can cause behaviors… but like I said he has come a long ways these past couple of years, I have worked very closely with his Drs and we might be at a place with medication that seem to help rather than side effects making things worse.  I cannot ever, ever imagine putting him in a group home, residential placement or institution…. I know way too much now about how things work there or in at least most of them in our state. As long as I am alive and can help it, he won’t be anywhere but with me…. I do understand there are situations that families need to do what they have to and are placed in very hard situations and my heart hurts for them, I can’t imagine it is the biggest fear you will hear if you talk to anyone who cares for a loved one like Blake. “What will happen to them when I’m gone?”  God gave him to me, God doesn’t make mistakes, God knew him before he formed him in the womb, God expects me to put him above myself, what could be more important other than He deserves a life, a home with family and being able to be a part of society as much as he and I can possibly be able to do.  

This is my Go Fund me Page need I guess you would say….. I had sold a piece of my family’s property few years ago to have enough money to put down on a piece of property we were wanting in Bibb County Al.  Because that was my family’s property that was able to grant and secure  us the loan we needed a down payment.  I was awarded this property in our final divorce decree.  Since I have been home raising my sweet children now for 31 years having the means and finances to be able to do this on my own will be extremely difficult adding a job and keeping up a place for us to live BUT I am very very proud to say that through the years working hard to have my very own credit along with securing a job last July with insurance and benefits I myself and only by myself was I able to get the loan solely in my name! I For the first time in a long time I felt alive and proud, I could not believe it but I did it and it felt good, I was able to work hard and take the loan over in just my name.  Praise God, Praise Him! The worry of where Blake and I would go and what would happen to us with what small amount of money I had put in a savings account  was going to be a long shot had the judge decided differently and not give me the land... He said it was the fair and right thing to do....  I would not be able to find and secure something I could call my own having been at home all these years that I wouldn’t trade doing that for anything… I lost a lot coming back, land, alimony a lot of personal items but I did what God asked me to do and gained a sweet sweet soul who calls me Mama that he wanted me to love and protect so I did. So like I said, it’s not just me….. I now need to raise enough money to prepare the property for septic, water, and power along with finding something to purchase to start with living in…. this is my biggest need…. Blake is a large young man and he and his staff need the room to not feel like they are on top of one another all day… Blake needs his space to move around as much as he can and get him outside I hope to as much as possible…. He will stay up many hours at a time at night so my sleep can be very hard to come by so as I listen for seizures or problems I mainly  just doze off as much as possible….. I am looking at many options but this is my most immediate need and so if you have it in your heart or feel stirred to help us or was wondering just how you could do anything this is my greatest need at the moment…..I don’t need the biggest, most elaborate, fanciest place, or expensive….I just need for this place to satisfy a need   I have a lot to do, so much to learn and with Gods guidance and your love maybe I can get these things taken care of and continue to work and take one breath, one day, and one thing at  time….. This has taken me a long time to write this and put myself out there,  reach out…. I am truly embarrassed putting all this out there for the world to see asking for help but with a humble heart and my loves that I put first here it is…… Thank you everyone for all your prayers you have prayed for me and my loves these past years…. I don’t understand a lot of things and the whys, but what  I do know is if I will follow that place in-between my stomach and my heart that God has a way of touching  that pushes me in one way or another that feel right or feel wrong, he says I will give you the desires of your heart …. And I whole heartily feel God will honor that promise…..

In His love and always mine,

Susan Shirley