I Never Thought I’d Be Here — But I Need Help

I hate that I have to do this. I’ve tortured myself over it. It feels degrading, embarrassing, and like I’ve failed—but this is my last real shot before everything collapses.

I’m not an activist. Not a felon. Just a working-class guy who clawed his way up from nothing. I grew up orphaned—ADHD, on the spectrum, no safety net. I spent years dragging myself from survival to something that looked like stability. I was finally getting there.

It was a mountain but I knew I could climb it

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The Debt: $126,000 and Counting

I was managing it. Slowly. I had a plan. Ten years of grinding and I’d be out. But here’s where it came from:

- IRS screw-ups (young and stupid)

- A car loan

- Two personal loans I took out to help my ex-girlfriend and her elderly mother get out of debt

- A year of covering bills while my ex sat unemployed

- Credit card debt from keeping the lights on

- Medical costs

I know what you’re thinking. “Simp.” Fair. But I cared about her mom. She’s a good woman. I didn’t want to see her on the street.

I was making progress. I had a buffer. I wasn't close but I was on my way.

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The Bombshell

Then the State of New Jersey walked in and dropped a nuke on my life.

Turns out I have a 14½-year-old son I never knew existed. His mother is on a 5-year welfare program, and because of that, the state came after me for child support-$15,000 a year.

She’s not asking for it. But she can’t stop it. The state wants their money.

So I did what I thought was right. I took out a loan against my tiny 401k to hire a lawyer. If I’m paying for this kid, I want to know him. I want to be in his life.

But here’s the kicker: In New Jersey, child support and visitation are separate. Paying doesn’t mean you get to see your kid.

What’s at Risk

I had an $5,600 buffer. That will be gone fast. I’m two months away from losing everything:

- Internet (I work remotely)

- Electricity

- Heat (already resigned to freezing this winter)

- Car (needed for court and to see my son)

- Insurance

- Rent

- IRS (I don't want to go to prison)

I’m living in a house of cards and the wind is picking up.

FAQ

Can’t you get assistance?

I make just enough to be disqualified.

Why not quit and go on welfare?

Then the IRS locks me up and child support keeps piling up.

Can NJ really do this?

Yes. They can. And they did.

Don’t you have friends who can help?

Most of my friends are working-class and barely scraping by.

Why didn’t you leave when your ex was unemployed?

Her mom needed help. I stayed for her.

Is your ex employed now? Can she pay you back?

She’s working and caring for her mom. Even if she could paid me back, what she could pay wouldn’t offset the child support.

Did you get a DNA test?

Yes, court ordered. He's mine

Why I’m Asking

I swore I’d never do this. But I’m drowning. I’m exhausted. I’ve fought for years to get ahead and I was almost there. Then life hit me with a wrecking ball.

If you can help—even a little—please do. If your situation is better than mine is about to be, help me keep my head above water. Help me stay in my son’s life. Help me survive.

If you’ve read this far, thank you. Whether you donate or not, God bless you for hearing me out.

—Scott