Dear Reader,

A year into a draining custody case with my child’s abusive father I am out of resources to complete the final stretch to the last and final trial.

Our child wants nothing to do with the father because of his past and present actions. Despite the child's outspoken wish and that both social services and a psychologist say that it would be very damaging if the 12-year old was forced to see him, he is choosing to push ahead with his lawsuit. 

Over the last year, I’ve spent over 11,000USD in lawyer fees to protect our child. I now need help with the last 5,000USD that will take us to and through the last trial. If I cannot afford to take this through to the last trial, I will have to accept the father’s conditions – have his child living with him every second week and half of the vacations, without any supervision.

For the sake of anonymity and to protect all parties, this plea is anonymous. If you feel insecure about donating, please e-mail [email redacted] and I’ll send you proof.

100 SEK = 11 USD , 9,70 €

500 SEK = 55 USD , 48,60 €
 
The Backstory

In June 2017, based on events I prefer to keep private, I asked my then husband to move out. In July, knowing for sure the father wasn’t going to live with us anymore, our child started to slowly share what had transpired when they were alone. My on the surface quiet husband had been highly aggressive and emotionally abusive with the child when I was not at home or away traveling. The child called this other dad, Devil Dad. It was a shock to hear but retroactively explained why our once fearless child over the last 4-5 years had changed into a fearful individual lacking more and more self-confidence.

Based on what the child shared and recommended by the social services, I immediately denied him seeing our child unless supervised. I also applied for a mediator to help both of us handle the custody situation. Trust was completely shattered after what had surfaced and it was important to find means to reinstall it.

In early October 2017, after three meetings with a family court mediator, my child’s father rather than show a change of behavior or willingness to cooperate or even an admission of what he had done, chose to walk out of the mediation and sue me for custody.

Since then there’s been three pre-trials. In the first two ones, the judge denied him seeing our child unless in a court supervised setting. There were a total of three supervised meetings before the third pre-trial. Based on the child’s strong negative reactions to these meetings, its outright wish not to see the father, and the school reporting dramatic negative changes to the social services, the judge decided that the supervised visits must end and only the child alone decides when and how it wants to see the father.

It was also decided in court that the father was not allowed to contact the child, except one phone time a week. He never called once but repeatedly broke the court order and contacted the child in all kinds of other ways throughout the summer holidays. This despite the child writing many angry texts to him asking him to leave it alone, and even writing a letter asking the social worker to speak to the father. Every contact attempt from the father has sent the child spinning into anxiety and panic attacks and more self-hatred. His constant disrespect over the summer holidays gave our child no time to recuperate and it started its first year of high school completely exhausted.

Our child has recently clearly expressed to both the school counsellor and social services that it wants nothing to do with the father based on his previous conduct and other actions of his that have transpired this long year. Social services have written a very strong report focusing on that the child’s wish must be followed. A child psychologist supports this. They all say the child  should be allowed to decide itself when and what contact it wants with the father. They say that with all the evidence in place, it would be very, very damaging for the child would it be forced to be with the father against its clear wish. And the judge recently once again turned down his request to see the child supervised.

Despite all this, the father has decided to carry on with his lawsuit and take it to the final trial. He’s continuing to demand to have his child staying with him full time every second week and part of X-mas and half the vacations. This with no supervision.

It’s frightening, to say the least, how he completely lacks respect for his child’s outright wish to not see him; the child’s outspoken fear of him; and several experts warning against forcing the child to see him. That he doesn’t respect this makes the child even more scared of him, and also serves as a difficult reminder of the past trauma he’s caused.

It also doesn’t give me much reassurance for what kind of parent he would be would he get his wish through to be alone with the child. During this year he has not once asked the child’s counsellor, the social services or me how the child is actually doing or if there’s anything he can do to make things better for the child. Nor has he answered my many requests to meet with a counsellor to discuss the situation. All he has pushed for is to see the child alone. Not once has he actually asked his child what it wants. I am deeply saddened there is no proof of change of behavior in him. And I’m scared of what I know has happened in the past and what I’ve seen this year. And so is the child.

This long year has not only drained me emotionally but also financially. I had to leave a successful career and focus on a child whose mental state has been very challenged. Not just from what has happened in the past but also from the dad’s constant transgressions of the child's rights as stated in the court orders. The child is often too nauseated to go to school and I have to be ready to pick it up at any time or simply stay at home and do home schooling. It’s been hell to say the least. But the child will pull through can we only make it to this last court session and get a final decision that will give the child peace.

As you can imagine, the lawyer bills are through the roof.  So far I’ve spent 11,000USD and my lawyer estimates this last stretch to be about 5,000USD. I am now completely drained of financial resources to continue this last stretch. And therefore I turn to you for help. Any contribution would be greatly appreciated.

And if you don’t have any financial resources, do send a thought and a prayer for the best possible resolution of this matter. Despite all that has happened, I wish the father well in his own recovery and his journey towards healing. 

Thank you for reading this far.

A mom