Holyan Family Support Fund

Update: Early this morning (2/23), Joel ended his battle and went in peace with God.

At our first home in Seattle, nestled amongst the many buildings he helped build, Joel took his last breath surrounded by his parents, his daughter Emma, and myself. Joel was blessed with the chance to say his goodbyes and to give his daughters some final loving words. At the end, it was just him and I holding hands and sharing our love. It was everything he wanted and everything we promised him it would be.

Joel’s spirit and heart live on through his girls today. His sense of adventure, genuine kindness, and stead-fastness in right and wrong; we are blessed to be able to look at his daughters and see the amazing man we all know.

There are words for this heartbreak, but today I can’t find them. However, I want everyone to know that Joel was my person, and me his. We started as babies together over 20 years ago and we truly, truly, loved our life together. We promised to choose each other everyday, and never wavered.

Thank you to the hundreds and hundreds of people who came to celebrate Joel’s life while he was still with us. Giving him the gift of being seen and acknowledged for the beautiful person he is, is not something everyone is able to have, and it meant everything.

Cancer is not the theme of this post because Joel, as a man, deserves so much more than that. There will be more shared as we grieve, but for today, thank you to everyone for the unimaginable support this last year and for showing the most perfect man I’ve ever known the love he deserved ❤️

———————

Last January I started reading the book “In Your Corner”, a book for caregivers of loved ones battling cancer. In the book the author depicts an image of sitting in a crowd where everyone around you is the color green. But you’re no longer like the green people because you or a close loved one has been touched by cancer.

You are now one of the ‘purple people’.

Every casual salutation, moment of laughter, or attempt by others at having a day-to-day conversation now feels heavier. Tainted. Like you’re watching yourself try to be like the green people.

1 week before Christmas of 2023, we became a part of the purple people.

After weeks of intensifying abdominal pain, Joel went to the doctor and received multiple tests where they found Peritoneal Carcinoma.

We didn’t know the stage, we didn’t know the prognosis, but we knew Joel had an advanced cancer; and it would be weeks before we would know more.

We aren’t sure how to express to people what those last two weeks of 2023 were like, but holding in something so scary and dark for the sake of your children and family members is something we wouldn’t wish upon anyone.

— 2024 —

Joel and I made the choice early on not to share the majority of his cancer battle on social media. With so many unanswered questions and shifting results, it felt like an added pressure. We are grateful we can look back and share the timeline in black and white.

12.18 - Peritoneal Carcinoma found

1.11 - Diagnosed Stage 4 Colon Cancer

1.31 - Scheduled for 12 bi-weekly sessions of intensive chemotherapy

2.9 - Switch to Fred Hutch for all further treatment

2.14 - Chemo begins ❤️

6.13 - Laparoscopy: results show extensive cancer throughout abdominal cavity. Surgery scheduled for August 22.

7.18 - Final chemo session

8.22 - CRS-HIPEC Surgery

Prognosis: 1-2 years without surgery. 3-5 years with successful surgery.

— Today —

Today we look toward Joel’s surgery and recovery. Over 12 hours, Joel’s surgical oncologist will be removing cancer throughout his abdominal cavity as well as removing his appendix, spleen, gallbladder, and majority of his large intestine. Our biggest prayer is they do not find cancer on or surrounding Joel’s small intestine as this can seriously affect his prognosis.

We feel like we’ve lived multiple lives over the last 8 months and, please know, there are millions of details missing from this summary, but we felt it was time to share this side of our life.

We are beyond grateful to our close community who showed up in ways we will never be able to fully encapsulate: financially, emotionally, and spiritually. Our hearts have been filled by our friends and family who gathered to soften the world surrounding Emma and Adelyn.

Now that Joel has completed the first major portion of his cancer battle we are sharing his story, as well as ways to support us, if you feel this is something you’d like to do.

Thank you to everyone who has supported us this year, and to each person who joins us now.

All funds will be used towards monthly expenditures for Joel’s recovery and the ever growing needs of the Holyan family.