Help Herbie "The Suicide Bug" to Keep Rolling

Right off the bat, I want to tell you that I feel gross about this, but I really don't know what else to do. I am a mental health and suicide awareness advocate who spends his life telling people to ask for help when they need it-- so I'd be a pretty shit advocate if I needed help and didn't ask for it.

 

Well; I need help. So I'm asking for it.

 

 

 

Who is This Guy and This Car?

 

I'll keep it short and sweet: I use my 1963 Volkswagen Beetle Herbie the Love Bug replica to spread a message of suicide awareness and hope wherever we go-- and we go a ways. We're based just outside of Philadelphia, PA, but we've been as far south as Sarasota, FL (okay, we cheated a little and took the AutoTrain from Richmond, VA to Orlando, FL) and we've been as far north as the Vermont/Canada border. Since coming into each other's lives in February of 2017, we have logged thousands of miles together, with the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline's number emblazoned on our rear window, we are a constantly visible billboard for suicide awareness-- generating conversations, photo ops, and a more nuanced understanding of mental illness and suicide as we log smiles for miles in addition. I live with anxiety and depression, I've been suicidal, I've lost a relative to suicide and worked with suicidal people: this is in my blood. Oh, so is Herbie.

 

As with my own mental health recovery, we have had our shares of peaks and valleys. High points were our 1,100 road trip up and down the East Coast where we met dozens and dozens of beautiful human beings, many of whom were suicide loss or attempt survivors, and created a film called "A Beautiful Day Tomorrow: Taking Suicide Awareness on the Road", a full-scale mural (that was also crowd-funded) at 52nd and Addison, right by Malcolm X Park:

 

 

 

A TEDx Talk in West Chester, appearances, talk-backs, panel discussions, interviews, and, most importantly of all: conversations that would never have happened were it not for this little car and, okay, his human partner.

 

What's the Problem?

 

Unfortunately, Herbie suffered a very significant engine failure recently and is in need of major "surgery" (an engine overhaul or, depending on what is found therein once it's pulled and pulled apart) a "new" engine. Herbie also-- because, hey, why not?!-- needs a new transmission.

 

Shit; That Sucks! What do You Need and Why?

 

I have received estimates for parts and labor totaling well over $5,000, and that's not to mention the fact that there is rust that has to be dealt with, or it will simply eat away at the car and that will be the end of our time together, and, sadly, the end of this mission. I am asking for funds to cover immediate expenses of the engine and transmission replacement, as well as rust remediation and paint/body work-- and a cushion for God-knows-whatever-else is lurking around the corner for us.

 

Right now: the car is totally inoperable/undrivable. I need to get him back up and running again. We don't go out-of-service for the winter, like most other classic cars. We're a 24/7/365 operation (if you've been around us on Instagram long enough, you'll know this is true because you've seen me driving him around Philly in full winter regalia (including snow-hat with ear flaps) and ski socks to avoid frostbite) because suicide and mental health don't take off for the winter, so we can't either.

 

I have spent thousands and thousands of dollars on this car, and I am reaching the limit of what a non-wealthy person with two children can reasonably do. It has been one thing after another with this little guy, and I have fought extremely hard to not only keep him on the road, but to keep from having to do this kind of a thing. On our Instagram account, where I am joined by thousands of absolutely lovely and warm, genuine, gentle and sincere people every day from all over the world, I hear a constant chant of "Keep Going" and, indeed, that is what is inscribed above Herbie on our mural. But I am struggling right now staying afloat and keeping this mission on the road, where it belongs.

 

The coming year is big: the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline's number is changing from 1-800-273-TALK to 988. We will hopefully be coming out of a state of intense isolation due to the pandemic and I am deeply concerned for the mental health and well-being of people I love, and people whom I don't even know. I liken it to how the suicide rate rises in the spring-- when the weather is getting nicer, and the flowers are growing, and people are feeling just.... good enough. to kill themselves. I wonder if we will see this kind of phenomenon once the pandemic subsides and we all start emerging and "going back to normal" again.

 

I want to be on the road with this car. This car wants to be on the road. He wants and needs to be seen; for the smiles and for the tears. I have had my moments of deep despair over what to do about this situation, but conversations and interactions and meetings and moments that I have with people every day make one thing very, very clear to me: we're not done yet.

 

Herbie Rides Again.

 

 

 

(We're not just a pretty face-- we're educational, too! Watch this little outtake that-- sadly-- didn't make it into "A Beautiful Day Tomorrow" about why we should no longer use the word "commit" in reference to suicide.)