Help Hattie and Naz continue their IVF journey

Hello all,

We are Hattie (she/her) and Naz (she/her), Haz or Nattie for short, we’re a married same-sex couple in East London… some would say Essex and we’re trying to make a baby.

This love story started 12 years ago when we met whilst working at Niketown London in 2011. Hattie is a fitness instructor and aerialist who likes to hang around upside down. Naz works as a Marketing operations specialist and is a lover of processes.

What we are raising money for

We’ve been in fertility treatment for the last 2.5 years and it has been a long, difficult, mental, physical and emotional journey. We saved up extremely hard to ensure we could afford IVF but coming into our 5th transfer we have made the hard decision to ask our community for financial help.

We are hoping to raise money in order to help fund another attempt at IVF, along with some specialised testing to find out why it hasn’t worked so far.

We have set our funding target at £5000, which won’t cover the whole treatment but would help massively in contributing towards the next round, and the debt that will come from it which will be in and around £12k.

Having started this journey when Naz was 31 (now 34) we’re becoming increasingly aware, that egg reserve and quality reduces as you get older. We are conscious that time is quickly creeping up on us and this is why we are choosing to seek financial help.

The challenge of IVF as a same-sex couple

As we are a same-sex couple, some of you may know or may not know it is a much harder process, to get access to NHS funding to become parents. (See link) The hidden costs facing potential LGBTQ+ parents.

NHS funding for IVF is a postcode lottery within the UK. Heterosexual couples that can try naturally with their own sperm & eggs can try for 2 years and then get help on the NHS if they’re unsuccessful. However same-sex couples will need to “prove” their ‘infertility’ first by self-funding either IUI treatment costing between £700-£1600 each time, or IVF costing between £3K-£10K+ – this can range anywhere from 3 to 12 rounds.

Whilst there have been new guidelines put in motion to relieve same-sex couples from having to jump through the various hoops to prove they need help from the NHS, these won’t be implemented for a further 10 years in most ICBs (Integrated Care Board).

So far, we have spent well over £22,000 on donor sperm, fertility treatments, fertility tests & medications and unfortunately, this cost isn't slowing down anytime soon.

The IVF journey so far

We were waiting to begin our IVF journey until after we got married, so we could put all our time and energy into it without other distractions. Covid of course had other plans so our date ended up being postponed until June 2021.

We had our first appointment with ABC IVF on 8th July 2021

When we began our process, in all honesty, we were swept up in the ideology that it would probably only take one or two rounds. Naz doesn’t drink or smoke, eats well and is relatively healthy (choco monster), the prime candidate. A few friends we know who went through the process were lucky enough to be successful on their first round. Unfortunately, IVF for the majority isn’t always that lucky, as we have quickly experienced.

We had picked and ordered our donor sperm and were ready to go. Our first egg collection resulted in 3 viable embryos that were ready to be frozen. Naz is at risk of OHSS (ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome) due to PCOS, which means it’s safer for us to do a frozen embryo transfer to give her body the chance to flush out all of the medication and hormones. This avoids the risk of any swelling to her ovaries, which can lead to hospitalisation if becomes severe. Having a frozen embryo transfer as opposed to a fresh one is also something that comes at an additional cost, however being the safest option it is a no-brainer.

We didn't plan for infertility

Sadly after 2 full rounds of IVF and 4 FETs (Frozen embryo transfer), we didn't expect to hear the words... infertility. Due to infertility, we have no choice but to seek another clinic that offers specialised IVF treatment.

Whilst we have documented bits and pieces along the way we haven't always chosen to share it online as it can be really hard to talk about. One that we did share on TikTok was (see link) Round 3 which was probably the toughest one yet as the test day was on Mother's Day 2023.

Following the negative result, I think we were looking to seek some sort of comfort or reassurance online that others were feeling as fed up and let down by the process as we were. When searching under the IVF hashtag it felt like we were surrounded by success stories & happy endings which felt unrelatable and deflating considering how we were feeling. This is why we shared our video, to highlight and draw attention to the rounds that don't always have a happy ending but will continue to be part of the journey.

What the money would mean to us

Naz: It would mean so much to me, to us to be able to try to make a baby again. For me, as it’s my body that will be carrying our baby first, I feel as though not only is my body letting me down, but I am also letting Hattie down as it’s not doing what it needs to do. But I still hold out hope (which is hard some days) that with extra testing and a new protocol, the doctors will be able to get closer to the issue. I know that whatever the outcome is we will be amazing parents in the future.

Hattie: I am in constant awe and admiration of the sacrifices Naz has made in order to prepare and give her body the best chance to carry our baby. She is my superwoman and it's heartbreaking to witness her devastation after each negative result and feel so helpless. I believe wholeheartedly that our golden egg is out there and when we eventually become parents they are going to be showered with the most amount of love and affection because of how much they are wanted!

Thank you so much for taking the time to read our story.

Love Hattie & Naz xxx