I'm raising funds for my dear friend Elizabeth Land who has been thru a lot of abuse and is now trying to get her child and self out of it ... lawyer fees and well worth it in this case...

From Elizabeth:

If you are reading this, you likely know that I am sharing some of my story in an effort to

gain awareness and support for legal expenses in a custody lawsuit concerning my

eleven-year-old son. Although I left an abusive marriage in 2016, I live in a state and

county which prioritizes father’s rights. It is not impossible, but very unlikely to get a

custody order that differs from 50/50 joint custody in our county and state, regardless of

circumstances. Now that my child is older, however, he is able to speak for himself and

a judge is much more likely to listen. Earlier this year, after an unfortunate event

involving his father and paternal grandmother, my son asked for more custodial time

with me. My ex-husband has denied my son’s request, as well as my own, to amend our

custody agreement and settle out of court. We are now prepping for a lawsuit in order

that my son’s best interest can be served and his voice can be heard. None of this is

easy for me to talk about or share, but I’m doing so, after nearly ten years, in the hopes

that my son has the outcome not only that he desires, but that he deserves. In order to

share our story with context, let me back it way up for you.

One night in June of 2016 my now ex-husband and I were bickering. We had just

bought

a historic 110-year-old home with plans to fully renovate and were set to move in the

following day. At this time, our son was newly 2-years-old, I’d spent weeks coordinating

contractors and doing initial renovations at our “new” home so that it would be habitable

for our scheduled move in date and had asked my husband to book the

movers and to help with basic packing in our old home (packing up one bookcase and

the kitchen). The night before our move, he’d yet to pack a single item and hadn’t

booked movers or a moving truck. Feeling frustrated and exhausted from handling

everything on my own for weeks, I called my husband a child. He picked up a tall

clothes hamper and hurled it across the room at me. He missed, but was inches away

from hitting our son, who was toddling nearby. It only missed him because it was caught

by a doorframe that our son had just walked through. Not long before that, he had

yelled at me so intensely that I found myself retreating across the room in fear, only

realizing that I had done so when my back hit the wall. The entire living room and two

couches lay between us before I realized what had happened and just how scared I

was. I told him he could never speak to me like that again and expressed my fear.

Nevertheless, on this night, just a few weeks later, he threw something at me, and

almost injured our child. I didn’t even recognize the man I married at this point, but I

calmly walked over and picked up my son, walked up to my husband, looked him in the

eye, and told him that if he ever did anything like that ever again, he’d never see me or

his son ever again. That night marked a formal emotional separation for us, but we

moved together into our house the next day. I was a stay-at-home mom and we’d just

entered into real debt for the first time in our marriage.

In the early days after that, I was so overwhelmed with contractors and boxes and

scared for what was to come that it actually took me a couple of weeks to decide on a

divorce. I’ll spare the details on this platform for how I came to that answer, but the

days/weeks/months after choosing that were the most petrified I’ve ever been. My

husband either quit or got fired from his job at NASA, leaving him at home with me all

day, following me around and berating me. I remember it taking me 4-5 hours each day

to get myself and my son fed and ready to leave the house because my husband was

constantly following me around and yelling at me in front of our son. With no job or

income, I felt utterly

lost and unsure of what to do or where to turn. One day, I went to a coffee shop to job

hunt when I unexpectedly ran into a friend. She was the first person outside of

immediate family who I had shared what happened with. She told me that my son and I

should move into her 1-bedroom garage apartment. And we did. I had started

babysitting as a way to get quick cash, so on December 11, 2016 I took my child and

my car full of our clothes and belongings and drove to her house. I gave her my only

$100 for rent and the next day I applied for WIC and SNAP (food stamps) while I

continued to job hunt.

People have asked me if my ex-husband ever apologized or did better. The thing is, you

have to acknowledge what happened in order to offer an apology. He refuses to

acknowledge what happened and spent over 2 years torturing me until our divorce was

eventually finalized in July of 2018. During that time he moved in with his wealthy

parents (where he still lives), filed bankruptcy on our behalf, and foreclosed on our

house. He was under a court order to pay child support, but refused to sign a divorce

settlement unless I relinquished him from paying it. When I refused to do so, he just

stopped paying until my lawyer threatened to hold him in contempt of court. He said

something to the effect of, “I hope you realize now that I’m not going to be paying child

support.” I was living in poverty at the time, but he refused to pay to support his

son—and the day that I did legally relinquish him from it, a friend of mine sent me a

social media post that he had made. He had just purchased a guitar that was $1,000

cheaper than he’d expected but somehow he couldn’t manage to afford child support. I

couldn’t afford food. Every time I requested something in our divorce, he would withhold

agreement, refusing to finalize the divorce unless I complied with his demands.

This type of force and coercion was how our entire divorce went. I couldn’t afford the

estimated $30,000 in legal fees, which he knew. So, when we disagreed he would say,

“okay. I’ll see you in court!” knowing full well that it wasn’t something I could afford. We

actually didn’t have enough debt, despite having just bought a house, to justify a

bankruptcy. However, we had recently installed a new alarm system in our marital home

and entered into a 2-year contract with that company. A contract I was very happy to

continue paying, as a newly single mom. Instead of letting me take over that contract for

the security system, so I could keep myself and my child safe, he stole the entire front

door knob/entry point to the system so that I couldn’t use it. This enabled him to default

on the contract and include the entire alarm system amount into our “debt” so that we

would reach the debt threshold so that he could file bankruptcy—something that we

absolutely did not financially need to do but effects my credit to this day. He also gave

our dog away, without warning. I simply showed up to the house one day for custody

exchange and our dog was not there. For those of you who have known me long

enough to remember our dog Eloise, she was my first baby. He literally laughed in my

face while I openly sobbed on the sidewalk as he told me that he gave her away. So no,

he never apologized; instead, he dug his heels in, and things got arguably worse. The

number of stories I could tell over the last nearly ten years would have us here all day,

so I will spare you. But, getting out of that marriage was like getting out of a gang. It was

the only time in my life I couldn’t see any light—and it nearly killed me, so I signed the

papers and legally got away from that marriage, but because of our custodial system,

my son and I have continued to be trapped in abuse. I realized at the time that I’d lost

the short-game, so I played the long-game of being a really marvelous parent, instead.

I’ve been really determined to raise a remarkable son.

I really don’t like talking about my divorce or the things that have happened since. Some

people take it as gossip fodder and honestly—I get it. But, for me it isn’t fun to discuss.

It isn’t fun to tear someone down who legally has 50% of the rights over my son. What

good and worthwhile parent can truly wish for the downfall of someone who has and

always will have such a cataclysmic impact on their child’s life? Will has not chosen

better, even all these years later. My son has missed school because he hasn’t been fed

dinner and has suffered from dehydration and illness from lack of eating. He has come

back to me in sunscreen, sand, and a bathing suit that he sat in for over 24 hours

because they couldn’t bother to make him shower and or give him clothes to change

into. He routinely can’t answer the question of the last time he brushed his teeth or

showered after having been at their house and being visibly dirty/uncared for when he

returns to me. He isn’t given his routine medicine while he’s there. The list could go on

and on. It’s extremely painful to watch how my ex-husband’s actions affected our family

and continue to affect our life. I hope that sharing some of our story helps my son now

and in the future.

Despite the hardships we have endured, I went back to school to get my masters

degree the month following our divorce being finalized in 2018. I graduated 2 years later

with a Masters in Theological Studies (Concentration in Spirituality and Social Activism)

from Vanderbilt University and started a non-profit (The PJR Collective) to help victims

of domestic violence near the end of 2023. Anyone who has started a company knows

that the first few years are the most difficult—and non-profits are no different. Suing for

custody and going to trial will likely cost me upwards of $50,000. While I do spend my

days advocating for others in court and helping others navigate the pathway after

abuse, I do not have the funds as a new non-profit director and single-mom to pay these

fees by myself (or at all). I have only shared a portion of our experience here and I know

first-hand how much worse it could be—I see it every day in my line of work. I also know

that my child and any child deserves better than this. What is litigation today will be

legislation tomorrow. I will be damned if what I have been through and what we have

been through has happened for naught and I will continue to fight not just for my own

child, but for all of our children who are in a custodial system which prioritizes ease of

jurisdiction over comfort and well-being of our children. Please consider donating so that

our voices can be heard.