Help cover medical costs for Ingrid and Atticus’s mama.

Hi friends,

I’m coming to you now from the chemo chair- receiving my 5th treatment. We are closing in on June and summer is here. We started this leg of my cancer journey (with conventional medicine) in January, and I would say I’m only now finally getting used to this rhythm of life; regular doctor’s appointments, chemotherapy appointments, scans on repeat, not to mention special diets, daily handfuls supplements and medications, and rarely leaving the house. I’m surrendering to a “yin” way life; more sitting and resting than going and doing. This is the new normal and it’s okay. I’m having lots of good days.

However, every once in a while, the reality of the situation hits me and I succumb to grief and just cry for the life I used to have. I was so vibrant and energetic; living life on my own terms, on the go and happy to be busy! It brings tears to my eyes even now just thinking about how quickly things changed and life became unrecognizable in many ways.

Now I am being called to stillness. For months, I resisted and battled with overwhelming feelings of depression and frustration. Even with friends sending love, praying, visiting, bringing meals and gifts, and checking in, I have felt “miserable”, isolated and trapped in a body that doesn’t work the way it used to and not so long ago. I distracted myself as much as possible with scrolling on social media and watching shows; “checking out,” really. It took me a while to realize that ultimately that form of coping was making me feel worse.

More recently, I am feeling mentally better; settled and at peace (and hopeful!). My old life is gone, but I am still here. And I do feel gratitude in my heart for that. I am doing a lot of journaling, meditating, reading uplifting books and being more present.

Atticus (3 years old) told me he loved me for the very first time this morning, as I was leaving for the hospital. I’ve been trying to get him to say it for ages. Ingrid and I are learning chess together and I am endlessly amazed at her bright mind. My kids are incredible. I love to just watch them as they learn and play. I couldn’t have imagined two more beautiful, amazing people.

I had joked in my last Instagram post that I was going to start a Go Fund Me, so that we could get a cold plunge and a sauna. However, we really just need to pay for day to day things right now. Summertime is tight for us since my dance program only runs with the school year and medical bills are piling up. Your donation would really help bridge some gaps. Thank you for being part of my village and for caring. In the midst of everything, truly, I feel blessed and abundant.