My name is Christina Howard.
- I have been trying to come up with enough money to make it down to Colorado to go meet my daughter! She was adopted when she was just a few months old, which was the hardest decision I've ever had to make, but I had to do what was best for her. I was in a very abusive relationship with her dad that lasted 6 1/2 years. When I was pregnant with our first daughter, he beat me so badly the whole pregnancy that she had a stroke a month before she was delivered. The doctor said that her stroke was caused by a lack of oxygen because my placenta was torn due to too many blows to the stomach, which is what caused her to not get the amount of oxygen she would have gotten normally. The doctor said she would be lucky to live to see four. She made it to 11 1/2 years old, but she didn't get to live a normal life. She didn't get to eat normal food; she was fed through a feeding tube, she had a trach, and she lived her life in a wheelchair. When I had my second child, which is the one that wants to meet me, he refused to sign the birth certificate papers, which meant he had no right to her at all. I had full custody, and I was doing fine. Then he showed up at my doorstep begging me to let him be a part of her life. Because I grew up without my dad in my life unless he wanted something, I didn't want my daughter to grow up without her dad. I wanted her to be the judge of him; I didn't want to make that decision for her. I gave in to him and let him see her, but not without me present at all times. He talked me into going to Kansas City, which was the first time I was ever there. I didn't know my way around there or anything. He started a fight with me for no reason, and it got physical, and the cops got called. So he said, let's just go until things cool down. My roommate will watch our daughter, and we can come back when things cool off. However, somehow child protective services got called, and they called me saying I had 30 minutes to get back to my daughter, or they were taking her into custody. She was born in Kansas; this happened in Missouri, which I later found out was illegal for them to take her like that and refuse to let my mom have enough time to come pick her up. I begged her dad to tell me how to get back to her because I didn't know where I was. He wouldn't tell me how to get back to her; he wouldn't even point me in the right direction. I even asked everybody that was around me how to get back there or if they could help me with a ride. I couldn't get help from anybody. 30 minutes went by, and my phone rang. They called and told me they were taking her into custody, and I literally hit him until I could not feel my arms anymore. I did everything I was supposed to do to try to get her back. I got close to getting her back; I made it to every visit, everything. Then all of a sudden, he told me he was going to kill me after another one of our fights for no reason. I called the foster parents after getting on a Greyhound bus to get back home, and I asked the foster mom if they would adopt her. She asked me if I was sure that's what I wanted to do, and I said no, but I need to do what's best for her. I told her what happened as I cried my eyes out, and I told her that if anything was to happen to me, I knew she would not be safe. As bad as I want her in my life, it wasn't what was best for her. So she agreed to adopt her, and I called her dad. I told him he could do whatever he wanted to me, but he would never hurt another one of my children again. Then I told him he had better do it right the first time because if I lived through his attempt to kill me, then I would kill him. Then I hung up on him! Now she is 18; she will be 19 years old on May 29th. She said that all she wants for her birthday is to meet her mom. I have no way to get to Colorado. The car I have is on the verge of falling apart. I don't even think it's worth fixing, honestly. It's too rusted on the bottom, and it's got too many issues. I'm trying to find a way to come up with enough money to either rent a car and have gas to get up there and back, then maybe a little money to take her to a movie because she said that's one thing she's never got to do with her adoptive family. She gets left at home all the time while they go out and do things, which is wrong. But if I can't do that, I am trying to find a reliable car. It doesn't need to be new as long as it's reliable and will get me from here to there and back safely. I'll be fine with that and enough to get it registered in my name and tagged and insured! I've been working on getting my social security for my disability since October of '23. I have a court date for it on April 30th and still don't know what's going to happen yet. I've waited 18 years for the chance to meet my kid. Explain how badly I want to be standing in front of her, to be able to hug her, and tell her everything she wants to know and have her in my life. But I live with my mom right now while I'm waiting on my disability claim to be approved. She's barely making it as it is. We live in a s***** house that lets air in everywhere. Our landlord has attempted to evict me because I've had to call code compliance because he doesn't want to do anything to fix any of the problems in the house. There's black mold growing in the house and outside the house. There's just a lot of issues. There's water sitting under the house. The house has not even been maintained at all in years. That's clear. It's completely rotted around the house. There are termites everywhere. We can't afford to move because our rent went from $800 to $900 in January. She's behind on the utilities. She only brings $1200 home every two weeks. With the price of groceries nowadays, gas money for her to get rides to and from work, hygiene stuff that we need, cleaning stuff that we need, rent, the gas bill, the water bill, and the electric bill, and then the dog food that it takes to feed two big dogs. One of them is my mom's, but the other one is my emotional support dog. He's a German Shepherd/pit mix. They are not cheap dogs to feed. But he's not just my pet; he's my best friend, the only thing that has given me a reason to keep fighting and not give up. He's like one of my kids. I've had him for 8 years now, and honestly, if it wasn't for my dog, I probably would have given up on everything a long time ago! I suffer from major depressive disorder and PTSD. Coming up with the money to get there to meet my daughter and maybe be able to do anything with her for her birthday seems beyond impossible to accomplish. I was talking to my therapist about all this, and she said, why don't you set up a GoFundMe page? So here I am, and I'm not one for asking for help at all. But I know without help, it probably won't happen. She has been dealing with major depression, and she is also autistic. However, a couple of nights ago, she told me how she is about to give up on life! I really, really could use some help getting a vehicle that will make it to Colorado or even enough to get a rental car for about 4 or 5 days so I can go be with her. Maybe even be able to talk her into moving back here with me! She means everything in the world to me, and right now she needs me to be there for her and with her!
- This was the last time I got to hold her before she was adopted.
- This is my daughter Abby!
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