This is an urgent appeal for community support to help a loved one navigate the legal process of separating from their abuser and securing safety for the children involved.

For the past several years, my family and I have witnessed the abuse of another family member by their partner and the devastation it brings.

I was also assaulted by this person in 2021, which I will reference later in this post.

For the past 5 years, my brother has been involved in a relationship that has been coercive, controlling and abusive psychologically, sexually and physically.

There have been numerous officially documented instances (police and social services), including one where their infant son was a victim of abuse at the hands of his wife. This circumstance required the baby to go to emergency to be evaluated. I was present this instance.

Most abuse cases we hear of relate to the male in a relationship being the abuser, however abusers come in all genders, and often male victims (like female) remain silent and ashamed. My brother’s situation is an example of a female abuser, one who has weaponized her gender to manipulate, threaten, and maintain control of him and the children.

This is why it has taken so long for my brother to not only leave the relationship, but also to ask for help: a sense of powerlessness, love for his children, and the severity of her threats caused him to stay despite dire circumstances.

He finally left the relationship and the family home in January when she made serious threats of violence against him and attempts to frame him for physical abuse. These threats are documented via police reports.

He and my mom, who has been a respected high school teacher for over 30 years, have also been the victims of baseless (and traumatizing) accusations of paedophilia from his abusive partner, most of which are documented in emails sent to them.

Over the years, my brother’s partner has systematically isolated him from friends and family, denying him and the children the connection to family and supports necessary for a healthy life.

There is an ongoing legal battle, which has put him over $10,000 in the hole to date, simply to fight for his custodial rights and access to the children. From April to September, she blocked him out of the children’s lives, refusing to answer phone calls and denying any physical contact. Legally, he is only at the tip of the iceberg, as there is no binding accountability for his partner, nor a long-term legal agreement that will ensure his ability to be a loving and involved father.

Despite him still being entitled access to the children as a custodial parent, child protective services cannot not get involved because they said it was a legal matter and the children were not at “imminent risk.” It is important to note that child and family services has been involved with the family over the years so is aware of the ongoing circumstances.

For the last several months, he has been trying to navigate the legal system.

One of the greatest challenges he faces is the cost. He left the family home with one bag of the bare necessities and has been slowly rebuilding from ground zero. He has been working overtime hours each day and on weekends and has reached a tipping point. He cannot do this alone and desperately needs help beyond what our family has been able to provide.

It is my belief, and that of people directly involved, that she is an unfit and unstable parent, evidenced by her behaviour over the years . At this time, the children live with their mother in a location far from family and where she also has no friends or support. My brother wants to go for a full custody so he can provide the children what they deserve: a stable, loving home with a community of support.

To do so, he has been quoted approximately $50,000 by his lawyer to navigate this aspect of the legal system. Already it has cost more than it should for the beginning phases due to his partner’s refusal to engage in mediation or other steps in the process.

The cost is exorbitant and overwhelming, and the emotional toll is enormous. He feels isolated, alone, and stuck, despite his conviction that the right thing to do for his children is to pursue full custody.

Please see below for examples of important and documented events of abuse perpetrated by his wife on the children, my brother and other members of the family. All of these events are well documented, including multiple police files, ministry files, and hospital reports. Please be considerate of the sensitive nature of this information and how difficult it is to share this.

Christmas 2021: during a Ministry approved visit with their infant son, who was only around six months old, she got exceedingly intoxicated at my mother’s home. Our best guess is that she took some type of drug and mixed it with alcohol because she had gone to the bathroom and come out incredibly drunk. We later found a bottle in the bathroom.

She proceeded to have a meltdown, became emotionally erratic and physically violent, and attempted to leave with the baby to drive home. At this time, she was not permitted to be alone with the child per the ministry safety plan in place due to prior concerns.

We attempted to calm her and stop her from exiting, at which point she escalated. While I was holding my nephew, she grabbed his arm and yanked it very hard, pulling aggressively to try to get him from me so she could run out the door and drive away.

Despite not wanting to give him to her, I had to let go because I was worried she would dislocate his arm and seriously injure him.

She then proceeded to run around the house, trying to get out with the baby so she could leave, coming dangerously close to knocking his head on multiple hard and sharp surfaces, such as the fireplace.

During this, family members called 911, and we tries to get the baby safe until police arrived.

She was squeezing him too hard, and he was screaming and very distressed.

In a desperate attempt to try to get my nephew to safety, I bit down on her arm to get her to let go of me and him, and we managed to get the baby away from her.

She then punched me in the back of the head as I walked away.

My nephew was taken to hospital based on the assessment by paramedics. There is a hospital report of injuries and bruising related to being squeezed and handled too roughly.

The mother was taken into custody by police, after which she was prohibited from seeing her son for a month and not allowed near my brother or any of us.

This was just one of many events displaying her unstable behavior and it was one where there were multiple witnesses.

Over the years, she has exercised control over my brother by isolating him from any contact with others. She would get jealous of him going to work or anywhere other women might be present. His regular workdays included excessive phone calls and texts from her checking in.

She didn’t want him to have friends, didn’t want him to have contact with his family, and fought this on multiple occasions.

There have been subsequent events where she has put the children at risk of physical injury, in addition to emotionally abusive behavior.

She uses the children as leverage to try to coercively control the relationship.

Recently, now that there is an interim agreement in place that defines the video calls and visits my brother is entitled to, his partner has been telling the children lies about how dangerous and unsafe British Columbia is, telling them that they have tsunami and earthquakes to worry about, in an attempt to make it so that they do not want to come visit during Christmas to see the entire family. My nephew has repeatedly verbalized these concerns when talking to my brother on the phone.

I worry about the children’s long-term well-being and the amount of anxiety and instability she may be creating in their lives.

Over the past months, I have witnessed multiple calls between her and my brother, several of which where she has uttered threats toward both him and the children.

In one call, when he asked her how the boys were doing, she said “ they are dead, I drowned them in the bathtub”, followed by laughter.

This is just a small look into the instability and cruelty displayed over the years of their relationship.

She has escaped accountability by leveraging her position as a woman to instill fear in my brother, and make him believe that he has no chance coming against her legally because the court will always favour with the mom.

While this is often the case, there is a clear and disturbing history of just how unstable she is.

Currently, despite them being separated for 10 months, he often receives 50+ messages per night containing abusive language, accusations and other cruel comments.

Her actions have impacted his self-esteem, confidence and personal control over his life.

We desperately want to help him escape the situation and help the children get into a more stable and secure environment.

To do so, we are asking for community support to alleviate one of the greatest burdens to achieving a court-decided outcome: legal fees. I know many of you are aware of how prohibitive these costs can be.

If you have it in your heart to donate and/or share, it would be appreciated immensely.

It has been devastating for my brother and for those of us watching this unfold, especially because of the well-being of the children.

Until it is legally mandated, my brother has no capacity to remove them from the situation they are in, or ensure his parental access, and he cannot live with her because of the ongoing abuse.

As stated, we have been in contact with child protective services, and while they have been involved and had an active file this year, they have continuously reaffirmed that unless there is an immediate risk to the children, they cannot intervene without legal parameters in place.

The only option left is to pursue it to the greatest extent in the court

If anyone requires further confirmation for the claims made in this post prior to donating, I am more than happy to send you some of the extensive evidence that we have of this long-standing history of her behavior.

Abuse exists in all types of relationships, not just against women.

Unfortunately, many men do not feel empowered to speak out against their abusers because abusive women often use their position in society to try to create the narrative that they are the victim.

Not only does this put other female abuse victims at risk of being taken less seriously, it also creates an environment where men do not feel safe to hold their abusers accountable and seek justice. No victim, regardless of circumstance, should remain silent and trapped in this cycle. All victims deserve a voice.

On behalf of my brother and entire family, I thank you.

Please share to spread the word, I will link the go fund me down below.

Recently, she has gone back on a preliminary court agreement in which Chase would be granted access to the kids for one week for Christmas and is refusing to allow access despite the fact that he does still have custody.

Her refusal to cooperate continues to increase his legal fees and in order to get fair access to his own children, he needs to continue fighting her legally.