We need help to dig out of lawyers' fees to save our years-long investment in our home - a joint effort to secure my family's future.

In 2016 our family bought a house together - my kids, my ex-husband (I believed to be a friend at that time), and I all worked together to help us all secure what none of us could alone.

We were all failing in different ways after the 2008 crash and decided to pool our resources to create a home base for our retirements and for the kids' futures by buying a home and improving it so we all could use it as an asset, borrow against the equity instead of credit cards so we all could move on and thrive.

Because of some of my unresolved financial issues and contract work at the time, my daughter and ex-husband were named on the deed and mortgage as that created the strongest and most protected bid for a mortgage, though we all agreed we were working on building the home into a secure home base and that the equity in the house would benefit us all. We talked about potential circumstances changing (as they would inevitably) and how we would all work together for what benefited everyone equally if one or more of us wanted a change.

This has been our home for over nine years, and we've created a business and community here in Astoria. We've volunteered, worked, and made friends here.

Last year, my ex was contacted by a stranger - a woman - on Facebook whom he quickly started a romance and moved in with - shocking us all. He became secretive, and began doing strange things like talking about our neighbors as "his neighbors" - we asked what was going on and after informing us of the romance, at first, he talked with us about selling the house or us buying him out of his share, which we had planned for and began working with him on.

Within two months of that initial discussion, he began revealing deep debt and extreme behaviors.

Last year on New Year's Eve, he and the woman he moved in with sent a terrifying letter to all of us, threatening to "evict" us from the home we all helped to create - a home that he did not own alone.

You cannot evict partners in a home purchase - and we all knew that, including him - this was meant to terrify us. And it worked. My children were terrified by their own father. That's how we spent New Year's Eve on the cusp of 2025. I say that "they" sent the letter because, having known my ex for over 30 years, it was apparent that he was not writing the emails.

As a way to get out of the commitments he made, he has been throwing out everything from accusations of abuse, Stockholm Syndrome, overassessing his contributions, dismissing everyone else's contributions, claiming that the adult children were too young to make decisions and were under mind-control, and the latest one that he was promised something he wasn't given (an AirBnB income) while leaving out that he caused the end of that possibility with a previous hidden debt.

He's swung between statements that he did not make an agreement to that he did, but it doesn't count because of a laundry list of things that are easily disproven or meaningless.

We are simultaneously grieving the loss of who we thought this man was, dealing with the deep betrayal, and a little afraid that he's fallen for a romance scammer, all while we have been embroiled in a legal battle over our very home and stability. And of course, also working, and trying to live through the other, more global terror we're all enmeshed in.

We've hired a lawyer and made two extremely generous offers that honor our agreement and his current financial situation - each has been met with petulant nose-thumbing and more threats. So far, they have threatened to "evict" us, to install "other tenants" in the full house or "bring other pets" to leave at the house. Just ridiculous Jerry Springer stuff all around.

We've met it with shock and horror of course, but followed by what we've always lived by - trying to figure out how to come to solutions that are good for everyone involved - trying to think of what might be the best way to read this - he's scared and in debt, and how can we help elleviate some of that and get back on course for normal life.

That has not been what has been returned to us. The kids' father has put my daughter's credit in danger by just stopping payment on the mortgage he was paying on without notice - luckily, we had already started paying extra principal payments in the same amount, but the erratic behaviors and ease with which he jeopardized his own kids' security have been shocking.

As of this week, we've decided to settle this court case, but we'll be moving within a little over a year and putting our home on the market. We've spent over $12,000 in lawyers' fees so far, with more to come.

And this collection of unexpected challenges is why I'm reaching out and asking for any help you can offer.

I know times are very tough right now for everyone. This is the first time I've asked for anything like this - I've always figured out how to roll with whatever happened. But this is different. This is my family, and this is dealing with what we're coming to realize is someone who never intended what he said he would do - to leave a legacy and help secure life for his children. I am still committed to that, so I'm doing what I said I'd never do and begging people for money.

This is my last resort to try to cover these unexpected expenses, and help us land a little softer than we would have.

My kids don't deserve this. They really don't. None of us deserves people doing this sort of thing. And for the first time in my long and not easy life, my bootstrap pulling has reached its limit.

If you've met my kids and know what amazing humans they are - you can secure their future here with a donation and a share.

This will be the first, last, and only time I do this. So you know it's got to be important.

Thank you for anything you can do to help us here.

Donate/ share/ help us find someone wanting to hold a mortgage for some kind, fun, creative people who want to turn the page on this very sad and frightening time in their lives.

I appreciate you all so very much.