Healing Hearts: Support for Zoe and Mom
Donation protected
“Healing After Jake ~ The Love of My Life”
02/27/2025
Thirty days ago my world shattered into a million pieces. To understand the end, you have to start at the beginning.
It all started November 27, 2008. Yes, Thanksgiving Day 2008. It was my first Thanksgiving off from work in eight years. It was my first Thanksgiving Day by myself….alone….no friends, no family….completely alone. That is till he, Jacob Candiotti, stumbled into my life.
I was sitting in my room, on my computer, minding my own business. Then, all of a sudden, a message comes across. It was him … Jacob Candiotti. We chatted for a while till he learned of my loneliness. From that point forward he made it his mission to get me to come over. He told me, “no one deserves to be alone on Thanksgiving Day.” He asked for me to come over so he could make me his favorite dish, ratatouille. He told me how he had his 4 month old daughter there with him and how I could come and play with her too. After many hours of him “harassing” (and I mean that in a loving way) me, I finally gave in and went.
On my drive there (which was over an hour away), I kept thinking to myself, “what am I doing?” or “I should just turn around and go home.” Before I knew it I was pulling in to his driveway. I remember he met me outside while walking his dog, Blondie.
He made me that famous dish he bragged about - the ratatouille. We sat there talking, laughing, playing with his pride-and joy of a daughter, and just getting to know each other. And that was the beginning of the end.
Minutes turned to hours, and it got later and later. I finally told him that I better get going because I had work the next morning. It was late, and he begged for me to stay. After some convincing, I finally agreed to stay. He asked if I would come back after work the next day. I told him I wouldn’t be able to because I wouldn’t have enough gas to make it back and forth. Without hesitation, he handed me money and said, “now you don't have an excuse.” I laughed, he was right, I didn’t have an excuse; with that laugh I also agreed to come back.
Day after day, he would continue to ask me to come back. Days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months, months turned to years. The pride-and-joy of his life instantly became the pride-and-joy of my life. She became my little sidekick. I was lost on days when she wasn’t around. Zoe had become my bonus daughter no matter what.
Some years later I was diagnosed with extreme panic disorder, major depressive disorder (clinical depression), and PTSD - just to name of my few health related issues. I was told by several doctors that I did not need to be working, that I needed to apply for disability, and it was strongly encouraged to get a service dog to help alert me to symptoms for when no one was around. Jake was the most supportive and understanding man that I could have ever wanted. He encouraged me to stay home and take care of Zoe and to even homeschool her. We went through the process of starting to apply for disability, and got a service dog (she has since passed away and we have not had the funds to replace her)
He worked hard at the profession that he loved! He supported our family and gave us everything we could ever want. Some days I would even go to work with him. He was a “Customer Loyalty Manager” aka car salesman - but he hated being called that. He would always say that he was there to connect a person to their car, not just sell them. He loved what he did! It brought such joy to him; he could talk to anyone about car sales for HOURS!!!!
Fast forward to August 3rd, 2013. One of the best days of our lives. We got married! It was a quaint ceremony in Las Vegas. I remember it like it was yesterday. I had the most amazing man waiting for me at the end of the aisle, and the most precious flower girl in front of me. We had few family and friends with us, but it was broadcasted online to those that couldn’t be there. Say what you want about Vegas weddings, but this one was beautiful and amazing! With that we had officially become one happy family.
Over the years we had our ups-and-downs; our good times and bad times. Through it all we never stopped loving each other. We always knew we would be there for each other - NO MATTER WHAT!! We always knew we would be there for each other! We would have followed each other to the ends of the earth!!!
There are 4 days I will ALWAYS remember no matter what. The two I mentioned prior, and the third being February 8, 2024. We this particular day you ask? It was the day our world started to crack. IT was the day Jake walked in to a clinic for a cough, and walked out of a doctor's office being told he has cancer. He went to a minute clinic at the CVS across from his job thinking that he would run in and have a simple cough checked out. The person at the clinic listened to his lungs and chest, like normal, but then referred him to a doctor’s office to have an X-Ray taken (kinda strange just for a cough, but maybe they heard something that they didn’t want to say just yet). When he got to the doctor’s office they completed the X-Rays. The results came back in less than an hour, and they sent him for an immediate MRI. They said his heart looked enlarged, and they just wanted to double check it; just to make sure he wasn’t having a heart attack or another problem. As aggravated as he was about being bounced around, he finally agreed to go. That’s when IT was discovered - by SHEER ACCIDENT!! The MRI had accidently caught the top portion of his liver. The doctor told him his findings - A TUMOR!!! A tumor the size of a golf ball!!! Then came the dreaded “c” word - cancer. But how? How could this be?!?! He had felt fine - well, other than the cough. There was no way - the doctor had to be wrong. It couldn’t be..it couldn't be cancer - I refused to believe it! WE refused to believe it!
The doctor told him he needed to get to an oncologist ASAP! By February 10th, we were sitting in a gastroenterologist’s office discussing the next steps. By February 14th (Happy Valentine’s Day to us), we were sitting in an oncologist's office learning what the next steps were, and possible treatment plans.
Over the next few weeks, we were in and out of the doctor’s office and hospital trying to narrow down the cancer type. The verdict …. Stage 4 Colon Cancer that has metastasized (spread) to other areas of the body (aka the liver along with other places). We discussed our options. Weighed the good against the bad; cried together; argued over what we each thought was the right treatment (quality of life vs quantity of life). However, in the end he agreed to give chemotherapy a try.
We would sit in the hospital room for 6 hours while he received medication directly into a port. Then when that was all over, he would go home with a pump (a small bag about the side of an orange) that would continue to administer medication for 48 more hours. While the cancer cells responded “well” to the treatment, Jake’s body and mind did not fare as well. He would become severely dehydrated. We would spend a week in the hospital just for dehydration. Just as he started to feel better, it was time for another chemotherapy round. After several rounds, he eventually said he just could not do this particular treatment any longer. Over the next few months we tried other forms of chemotherapy treatments. We even tried homeopathic treatments. The cancer continued on its warpath of destruction. Slowly eating away at this once happy, kind, gentle, amazingly intelligent, amazingly patient, amazing husband, father, and provider.
Over the many months I tried to remind him who he was fighting for …. not only me, but our beautiful, smart, sweet daughter. The apple of his eye. The daughter that is going to want her daddy to be there when she gets her first driver's license. The daughter that is going to want her daddy to be there for her Cirque routines and performances. The daughter that is going to want her daddy to be there for her high school graduation and college graduation. And, the daughter that is going to want her daddy to walk her down the aisle when she gets married.
But cancer has a terrible mind of its own. It doesn’t care who or what. It doesn’t care if you're rich or poor, smart or stupid, pretty or ugly. It doesn’t care who it rips away from you! IT JUST DOESN’T CARE!
In December of 2024, Jake could not fight any longer. HE decided it was time to let nature take its course. HE decided he wanted to have what little quality he had left over the pain of quantity. HE decided it was time to go on hospice. No amount of yelling, cursing, or trying to convince him otherwise would work. I was his caretaker up until now, but NOW I would become his full-time caretaker while still trying to balance the house and family responsibilities.
Unbeknownst to us, the fateful day was rapidly approaching. On January 23rd, 2025 the cancer toxins had built up so much in his brain that he had to be hospitalized. On the days leading up to the hospitalization, he had started hallucinating. He would see anything from a “doctor” (that would tell him not such nice things mind you), to a snail eating a dinosaur in the corner of our room. He had seen “aliens” outside our bedroom. He would even try yelling out to people walking down the street that were not there. It had become impossible for him to sit still (what I later learned was extreme terminal agitation; a symptom from being in uncontrollable pain). He also showed signs of late stage dementia suddenly (he would walk in to our shower thinking he was in the kitchen, or ask when we were going home). Some days he didn't even recognize me.
Then the day that shattered our small family’s world finally came. The 4th day that I will NEVER forget!!! JANUARY 27th, 2025 at 11:48pm! This is the date and time my amazingly wonderful and brave husband, and loving father to Zoe, took his very last breath.The cancer had won. The battle was over. He was ripped away from us in one foul swoop.
We spent the next hours getting ready for a funeral that shouldn’t be happening. A funeral, that all those years ago, I never thought I would have to do. As we made our way to the cemetery location, we stopped at the beach that Jake and I used to go to all the time. There was the most beautiful sunset. And out of the mouth of a brave young girl that just lost her father came the words, “Daddy painted the sky just for us.” We both broke down crying at that very moment.
He taught me many things over our time together, but how to live and survive without him was not one. Our hearts cry out every day for him. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t wait to hear his voice, long to feel his warm embrace, or search to feel his soft kisses. He was our world! Our everything! Every morning I wake up and hope it was all a terrible nightmare. Then I turn and look for him and remember that he is truly gone, and we are alone. I miss my best friend, my soul mate, my love, my life, my husband. Even while writing this, my eyes fill with tears from the emptiness of the house. The silence is deafening. Zoe continually asks wondering comments like if daddy would have been proud of an accomplishment she made, or if he would have liked a dish she made for dinner. OF COURSE BABY GIRL! HE WOULD HAVE LOVED IT! HE IS PROUD OF YOU AND WATCHING OVER YOU!!! Not only do I miss him, but she is broken hearted as well. She asks if we can go visit him for his birthday (June 24th), and the only answer I can provide is, “if I can get the funds together…absolutely”.
Since his untimely departure, I have had to learn how to become a single mother without an income. I have tried to survive as long as I could on what little we had. He left without a life insurance policy also.
My anxiety, depression, and PTSD have kicked into overdrive. I have bleeding ulcers (6 as of last count) that have decided to make a reappearance, and I have also developed a bout with shingles to go along with everything else. I have tried applying to over 100 jobs only to not get a response or get the message “you have not been chosen”. I am trying to study to become a certified medical billing specialist, and a certified medical coding specialist. However, those will take a couple months to complete.
The money I am trying to raise is to help keep us afloat till I can graduate and work for myself - not dependant on waiting for an answer (or lack thereof) or waiting for that dreadful rejection.
To the love of my life:
I promised you to “love in sickness and in health, till death do us part.” I kept my promise. I do not want to accept the fact that you are gone. I need you here, but I am alone. This house is empty and quiet without you. There is no you. There is no us. No joy to be found. My mind knows you are in a better place where there is no pain. You are at peace. I understand that. I just wish I could explain that to my heart. Dying was easy, living without you is almost impossible.
Thank you for taking the time to read my little story. If you decide to donate, just know that Zoe and I will be beyond eternally grateful.
Organizer
Julie candiotti
Organizer
Gainesville, GA