IVF for our Miracle Baby

For those of you who might not know me, my name is Brooke Johnson and what I want more than anything else in this world is to be a mom.  I’ve never hid my struggle with infertility, but I’ve never really talked about it either.  “Struggle” isn’t really the right word.  It’s more like pain, heartache, depression, fear, and the list goes on.  Six years ago, I married the man of my dreams.  I had never known a love like ours and I was so ready to start a family with him.  From a young age, I was told that I would most likely have trouble having children.  I always had extremely painful periods, to the point where I would scream and cry.  Nothing helped the pain.  When we got married, I knew I wanted to try right away because I was so scared that if my time hadn’t already run out, it would soon.  We began trying a few short months after our wedding and one morning I woke up in our tiny one bedroom apartment and decided to take a pregnancy test because I was one week late.  It was positive.  I sat there and stared at the faint pink line for a good five minutes.  Jordan was asleep, so I decided not to wake him and I was going to surprise him when he woke up.  About 30 minutes later, I started having horrific pains.  It felt like I was being stabbed.. and then I saw the blood.  I screamed bloody murder (our neighbors probably heard me- whoops) and Jordan woke up and ran into the bathroom and saw me in tears.  We rushed to the ER and I was told that I had just enough HCG in my blood and to confirm a pregnancy.  We couldn’t believe it- maybe a glimmer of hope?  The longest thirty minutes of our lives went by, and the doctor came in to confirm that the HCG was to low to prove a viable pregnancy.  I had a miscarriage.  Since it was still so early, it was called a chemical pregnancy.  We were told to follow up with an OB/GYN a week later to make sure their prediction was true.  While laying on that table, I stared intently at the screen praying that my ultrasound would show a baby, praying that I would hear a heartbeat.  Nothing.  Since I no longer had HCG in my blood, I was told that I was never pregnant at all and the hospital was wrong.  I wanted to jump off the bed and wring the doctor’s neck.  I was feeling the worst heart break I could ever imagine, and he was so insensitive.  I knew I was pregnant.  I saw that positive test, I saw the blood tests, and I felt the pain of a miscarriage.  Over the next six months, my period never came.  Apparently, that’s common and it confirmed what I already knew was true.  I finally decided to see a new doctor and spent many of my days in doctor’s offices taking test after test.  My tubes weren’t blocked, no PCOS- so what is wrong?  I was given hormones to help start my periods again and when I did, I was able to start taking fertility treatments.  I took them for several grueling months.  No joke- I felt like I was going insane.  They made me crazy and they made my body hurt all over.  The worst part was having to track our sex life.  Having to have sex at a certain time on certain days for several months straight was draining to say the least.  Way to take the romance out of our lives.  I went in every few weeks to have blood drawn and check my progesterone levels to make sure I was ovulating.  It never worked.  I never ovulated.  Five months, 30 pregnancy tests, several ovulation tests, and countless emotional mental breakdowns later, my doctor finally told me the words I was dreading- “I’m so sorry, there’s nothing more I can do for you.”  She sat in the exam room with me, tears coming out of her eyes as she referred me to a fertility specialist.  A couple weeks later, we had our first appointment and I was so hopeful.  It was then that they performed even more tests on both myself and Jordan and diagnosed me with unexplained infertility.  Unexplained? What does that even mean?  I had prayed that something was actually wrong with me- at least then there would be hope that they could fix it.  We were told we could try three rounds of IUI(intrauterine insemination)with only a 10% chance of pregnancy and then the big IVF(In-vetro fertilization) with a 40% chance of pregnancy.  Each IUI would cost over $1,000 and IVF would be upwards of $20,000, depending on how many transfers I would need.  We were two broke, newly married twenty-something year olds with no means of paying that much money.  I mean honestly, who could actually pay for that?  So, year after year I watched as my friends and family members became pregnant.  They were so excited and so was I, but I couldn’t help but to feel betrayed by my own body.  Eventually, it became too draining to keep praying for a miracle.  So, I stopped.  I buried it so deep down that I convinced myself that I’m not meant to have a child.  Sometimes I wondered if it made me less of a woman.  I wondered if one day it would just happen.  I’d hear story after story about how some random persons sister got pregnant after 2 years and how if I just stop thinking about it, it will happen.  I don’t think anyone understood how much it actually hurt to hear those words.  They just didn’t understand, but how could they?  You just don’t know until you’re in those shoes.  And let me tell you, they are devastating and emotional shoes to fill.  Fast forward 4ish years- I joined an infertility support group.  It was difficult at first.  I thought many times about leaving the group because I couldn’t stand to hear about all of these women who were financially able to do IVF.  Then someone asked the question I was too scared to ask- “How do you guys afford IVF? It’s so expensive!”.  One hundred comments later, several women continued to mention something called CNY.  They said that it was a miracle facility with costs a third of the normal price tag for IVF.  Jordan and I immediately did our research and found out that it is a facility based out of New York and not only are their costs significantly lower, but they accept in house payment plans.  We were baffled in the best way.  It felt too good to be true, but it’s not.  We read all about the procedure on their website, we learned what our payments would be, and we were over the moon excited.  We decided on the spot to do it!  We laid there in bed just holding each other tightly with tears in our eyes.  We accepted our reality a long time ago, but now we’ve been given hope.  Jordan called it a God send and he has never been so right.  It’s a miracle and we’re so hopeful.  We hope you will help us achieve our goal.  Your donation could help bring us our miracle baby.  We are so ready to start this journey and we will keep you updated along the way.  Even if you can’t donate, thank you for taking the time to read our story.  I hope it helped you if you are going through this journey as well.  God bless you.