Get Russell Martin TF Out of Ranger

However much it takes to get him gone and fumigate Ibrox of his “philosophy.”

The Problem:

Russell Martin isn’t a football manager. He’s a cardigan mannequin with a whistle. He’s conned his way into Rangers and now we’re stuck with a Poundland Pep cosplay who thinks passing sideways until the fans lose the will to live is “tactics.”

This is a man who has the charisma of a broken printer, the tactical brain of a traffic cone, and the motivational power of a wet sponge. Every time he claps on the touchline, an angel dies and another Celtic fan laughs.

He’s not building a team he’s dismantling a football club.

What We’re Funding:

A one-way ferry ticket to anywhere that isn’t Glasgow.

A bin bag to collect what’s left of his “ideas.”

A hazmat crew to scrub Ibrox clean of his sideways football virus.

Why Donate?

Because if Russell Martin stays:

Rangers will never win a trophy again.

Celtic fans will have memes for decades.

The word “philosophy” will be banned in Glasgow.

Keeping him is footballing suicide. He’s Caixinha without the comedy value, Gerrard without the glory, and McInnes without the self-awareness to say no.

Donation Rewards:

£1: Buys him a map so he finally finds his way out of Ibrox.

£10: A gag to stop him saying “process” ever again.

£20: A trophy with “Participation Award” engraved — the only silverware he’ll ever touch.

£50: A cattle prod for when he dares clap another sideways pass.

£100: You get to personally change the locks at Auchenhowie while he’s still inside.

Stretch Goals:

£500: A statue of him outside Celtic Park labelled: “The Best Signing Celtic Never Made.”

£1,000: Rename the Ibrox toilets the Russell Martin Suite, because everything he does belongs in the pan.

£5,000: Launch him into space with his “philosophy” so no club on Earth suffers this again.

Final Word:

Russell Martin is not a manager. He’s a fraud in a cardigan, a catastrophe in a dugout, and the worst thing to happen to Rangers since liquidation. Donate now, end the nightmare, and send this fraud packing before he destroys us completely.