Fund Kaylem's Legacy: The Dove-Tales Project

The loss of a child is devastating beyond comprehension. Even for those who haven't experienced such a tragedy, this is innately understood.

Three months ago, our three day old son Kaylem died in our arms. And although the world teaches us to expect the death of a child to be the most heart-wrenching grief imaginable, one thing that is not discussed is the isolation that comes with it. When you have suffered a loss that is beyond anything for which you could ever be prepared, you also lose a part of yourself - an innocence that can't be reclaimed. Once that happens, there are really no other people in your immediate family or community who can fully understand your experience, or empathize on all the appropriate levels. This is for no lack of trying, it is just not something that can be understood without first-hand experience. For this reason, the sense of loneliness is crushing.

When Kaylem passed away, we were lucky enough to be contacted by a Colorado-based organization called Walk With Me. Among other amazing gifts they gave to us, they provided us with a network of contacts who had also experienced losses of children. This connection in our mutual grief was critical on our healing journey–like a life raft in the middle of the endless sea of grief. We have heard this sentiment repeated from countless other parents in the child-loss community. Sadly, for many parents and families out there, there are no organizations in their area fit to support them in their mourning process, and no hope of connecting with others who can relate to their lived experience. Even within loss communities where grieving families have connected, the differences in stories can make for some difficulties in truly relating with other individuals. Whether the lost baby was a first-child or not, a twin or not, whether the parents want to try for another child in the future, whether the baby was stillborn, whether the baby was conceived with the assistance of IVF, whether the parents had to choose to take their child off life support, whether malpractice was involved, whether there was a terminal diagnosis in-utero... the list goes on and on. When it comes down to it, there is a gap in the current ability for grieving parents to connect with others who have experienced a story of loss most similar to theirs. For those families, finding others who can most closely relate in their grief could make a life or death difference

With that problem in mind, and a deep desire to honor Kaylem's legacy, Dove-Tales was born.

Dove-Tales will be the first platform available for grieving families to share their story, to help others on their grief journey, and to connect with individuals whose experience most closely relates to theirs. After going through the cathartic process of sharing their own story, with a simple filter function, users can choose the fields that are most important for them to find in a fellow child loss survivor. Using a simple connect feature, users can then support one another through any phase of their grief journey, decreasing the isolation felt by families whose loss seems like they are the only ones in the world who experienced something similar.

Dove-Tales is not just for grieving parents, though, it will also provide the necessary support to the far too often overlooked demographic of family - grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. - and close friends. When the intimate community can't share their grief with the parents for fear of co-opting their experience, that feeling of loss festers inside and sometimes leads to silence, or "saying the wrong thing." By providing connections with others in similar positions of the "grief hierarchy," a fear-free dialogue can open with individuals who will understand the unique difficulties of pain and a desire to support at a time when all else fails. Additionally, non-parental users will receive grief resources to 1) Help process their own loss, & 2) Learn how to tenderly navigate the loss which the parents are experiencing, with tips on how to best support and how to avoid touching on pain points.

Dove-Tales will be a non-profit organization. 100% of funds raised will go directly into database, app management, and administrative costs, or be donated to other non-profit organizations working hard to support grieving families suffering from the hardest loss imaginable.

The $20,000 initial fundraising goal will help us secure the appropriate accounts, set up a functioning website/database, and create an MVP of our app for mobile users.

Our secondary goal will be to raise $100,000 in order to fund professional app development and rollout post-beta testing, efforts to expand our reach, as well as long-term server costs.

Kaylem's name translates to "Dove of Peace." His spirit taught us to find the light in the darkest moments imaginable, and inspired us to share that medicine with others who are experiencing the midnight of their soul's journey. Through Dove-Tales, we will create a community of families - parents, grandparents, brothers, sisters - and friends who can be there for one another when it feels like nobody else can. The death of a child is already a loss beyond reckoning, but with Dove-Tales, families will never again have to suffer on their own.