Donation protected
Hi All-
My name is Stephanie Bryant.
I am a mom of two young children, 11 and 12, who aside from my faith, are my world! This is my first time ever setting up a GoFundMe page on my own behalf. It has been suggested for 6 years, however, I struggled with doing it on my own, for reasons I think many would. I would start, then get overwhelmed with what to type. Therefore, this has been a working document/draft for past several year. To be frank, I was deeply hoping a supportive friend would step up on our behalf, seeing our dire situation, but this did not occur. It feels far out of my comfort zone, but I am at a desperate juncture, for my children and I, so simply have no choice- having tried everything else.
I would have to say that the photographs on this profile do not adequately represent the picture and sense of urgency/long overdue need of this fundraiser, due to protective reasons for my children, but it does show you two highlight pictures of the two precious souls I am fighting for.
It is beyond necessary at this juncture to call upon this modern day rallying following a lengthy hardship season that just hasn't fully let up. I thought it would and tried like wild to make this the case, but for whatever reason, we simply aren't there yet. And the stakes get higher. There are no words to express how high they have become.
Bottom line, my steam is running out and as we all know finances can be such a connective vessel, especially with a pandemic added into the mix the last 3 years, in getting to higher ground.
Back story- I was employed full time in the Corporate World as a Pharmaceutical Rep for close to a decade, however, once I married a serviceman (Coast Guard), our focus was on building a family and caring for our young children at our military posts, where my (former) husband was regularly on overnight duty 50% of the time, some times away at training for one to two weeks and full weeks on duty at Christmas- he had done his underway time earlier in his service, but none the less I was still home solo with our babies 50% of the time, him at the station up to an 1.5 hours away- consistently in our marriage.
I did contribute family supplementary income (focused on contributing to my son's special food/OTC needs) as a part time free-lance writer, seasonal track coach at Martha's Vineyard High School, parent liaison at Great Start Michigan, vacation rental cleaning, working the Census, and managing a boutique on Martha's Vineyard, albiet, secondary to caring for my two small children. I did what was called the "Military Mom Hustle- doing what you had to do to contribute to family needs, still keeping the children's care-taking a priority. Wanting to live up to our pre-marital goals, when I was down to the wire as a final candidate for a full-time pharma job, my toddler son's food allergies became more threatening, and I found I was expecting our daughter- a huge miracle (as I was 43); so our circumstantial priorities changed. Some things, you simply can not plan for.
My son's allergies demanded scouring food labels, in a world where so many foods were toxic to my son and the prospect of anaphylaxis was "that" intense vocabulary word that entered our radar. Also, there was the elephant in the room... the cost. At that time in 2012, a loaf of tapioca bread or carton of coconut milk was $4.80 to $5.50, on average.
To this day, it is part of our uniquely challenging family rhythm, even with a now divided household, and also contributes to up to 3 fold higher grocery bills. In the last 2 weeks my son had 4 dishes that needed to be prepared at home, then delivered for field trips or classroom events- since he could not eat the food provided by the school. So you can see how this can add up financially and time wise? Please do not take this as any sort of a complaint, I am simply painting a picture of the demands a mother has with a baby and this diagnosis. It is life altering. Food is mainstay in life. My son's diagnosis permeated our entire life style, with little compassion from others or recognition of how this alters a family's landscape.
Present day, having to deliver the fresh food to the field trip mid day, regular doctor's apts for allergy shots/specialty appointments, being in close proximity in case of an emergency, is not easy to navigate if I was in the work place in a traditional 9 to 5 an hour away in a larger city. So, I am forced to pursue my small business entrepreneurial efforts, for flexibility and availability to my children.
Five years ago, our family went up in flames as we knew it- what is best described as an overall kidnapping/abduction in all senses of the word, based on the events leading up, the moment it occurred, and the events following. This is my vantage point as a mother and my truth, regardless.
I am far from a perfect woman, with lots of quirks, but most all who have done life me would say I am a passionate, conscientious, determined, loving, helpful, loyal woman and Mother, who has always had a natural affinity with children, far before she became a mom, who did not deserve the "underbelly" of what went on behind the scenes of our marriage, nor did our babies, most significantly.
The dark behavior of DV that reared it's head, was the reasoning why I increasingly became insistent of my ex husband getting help and potentially taking my children and I to safety in our previous locations, where our children were born and we had a wonderful, thriving support group. I would later find that by Military Divorce Standards, this is what they uphold, funding a relocation for primary caretaker Mother (non service member) and dependent children, back to the location they were when married- and when Domestic Violence is involved at the hands of the service member, the spouse is supported for 3 years from divorce date- insurance wise etc.. If you are military spouse undergoing a similar situation, please take note of this and know your protection. Unfortunately, for me, being isolated in the privacy of our family life, I did not gain the strength and logistical tools to make my getaway soon enough and to gather and be empowered by this above information.
Therefore, a high conflict interstate divorce ensued with circumstances that forced me to choose homelessness with my children 55 miles away, as I fought the battle of a life time in a county court house 650 miles from where we had lived. Sitting here typing this, 6 years later, still, stirs deeply entrenched emotions.
There are many details that would help you understand more clearly, however, this simply is not the appropriate forum to divulge them all. I will say that the initial court decision agreed that I was in the right, in that where the children were taken to was NOT the appropriate forum/county, which was such a relief to hear after three months separated from my 5 and 6 year old. One day, was too much. In fact, research shows at day 5, children have a traumatic change in their frontal lobe, when separated from their primary caretaker.
Unfortunately, from my observance, my ex husband's family, his cutthroat legal representation, small town court failings (why would a stay at home military mom of two young children ((one with medical demands)) be left to resort to shelter living, zero temporary alimony AND paying child support, with her children separated from their since birth primary caretaker, their mother, and laying their heads down an hour from their Mother's shelter,as I was locked in an overflow floor on a mat surrounded by a traumatic environment- young women in straight jackets, young women coming down from meth highs screaming and convulsing next to me, recent prison releases- this was not the life path I was on, so witnessing all of this, as compassionate and accepting of a heart I had, it was still shocking, fear inducing and dangerous.
All the while, my son having 5 ER visits in 7 months, and daughter being unrecognizable, due to negligent care-taking, breathing issues surfacing- likely due to Father's smoke, Grandmother's dog exposure (daughter allergic), mold (clothes saturated with mold smell), poor diet/hydration- I believe a constellation of these things was the tipping point. Aside from respiratory symptoms from an RSV infection (which is common for children with RSV), at 4, my daughter had never experiences breathing issues. She was breast fed until 3.5 yo, to mitigate the food allergies her brother had, which proved successful, and was fed a very healthy balanced anti inflammatory diet up until the time she was taken against my will to Nebraska.
I was alotted ZERO temporary alimony but ordered to pay temporary child support from the homeless shelter of roughly 450 per month, as my children were in hands of their Father, Grandmother and strangers- people that had NEVER been involved day to day with my son's food allergy, asthma and eczema preventative care, nor had they nurtured my 5 year old daughter on a daily basis- who was in state of trauma and confusion without her Mother. Bottom line their ER visits, sicknesses, and medication tripled, and chronic health issues showed up in my daughter, that had NEVER been present.
I was fearful of calling CPS as I did not want my children to endure another potentially traumatic event being uprooted to foster care, with a severely food allergic child, as their Mother was in the Woman's Shelter- a place I did not want them to have them exposed to, due to again, reasons most mothers would have concern with an inner city shelter. It was a heartbreaking corner to be in, as you can imagine, from both sides- mother and children.
I realize I am offering more information than the typical Go Fund Me page, and that this may seem a bit disjointed (not easy to navigate this all, as you can imagine) but I just want you to know a bit of our story so you can see the long term journey we have been on. If you are going to contribute your hard earned resources to helping our family, I want you to "know us" a bit- to know what brought us here. There is part of me deeply tempted to show you all before and after pictures of my children comparing them under my care and then them after their father and my ex mother in law's takeover- and her best friend, who had no legal right to switch the car seats against my parental will and grab my daughter from me to take her down the highway 600 miles; there was no legal right/role that endorsed her to intervene in a familial dispute. Nevertheless, as you can imagine, showing these images, as EYE OPENING as this would be, could be a damaging choice, as my children are now 11 and 12 and there are many social aspects to consider to protect them, and they have already endured so much.
What I will say is that my children were seen in these "states" by the community/educators/family and mandatory reporters and they did ZILCH. When trying to get their educators/school nurse to attend court on mine and my children's behalf, they ALL responded that they saw no reason to believe that both parents were not loving and involved. h
It was clear that from my vantage point that they were covering for my ex husband and protecting his family image/agenda. It was brought to my attention that I may not have gotten work in the small town I am referring to, as it was circulated that I was a drug user- the reason my ex left me. Anyone who knows, knows that I am the opposite, I have always led a clean, healthy life in regard to what I consume or participate in; absolutely no illicit drugs, smoking, drinking issues, avidly physically fit and conscientious.
Thus is as much as I can articulate at this moment on the back story, as you can only psychologically take so much rehashing. If you have read this far, thank you for bearing with me.
Now, to the task at hand-
The funds I am requesting will be put toward:
1. Current outstanding bills.
2. Back child support the courts refused to waive after me being a SAHM that had to resort to homelessness with my young children 50 miles from me. The state has garnished my taxes and sent warnings to revoke my license if not paid in full (I have managed to pay over 5k but am still behind approx 8k). It has impacted my credit negatively, denied me earned child credit and stimulus. UPDATE- I recently completed my 2022 hardship extension. I received 2k back that I asked my ex husband/his attorney to waive, once and for all, so I could use this for pressing needs for my children and I. He did not, so yet again, it was garnished. I was hoping to use this for holiday groceries, Christmas Gifts for my children, and vehicle needs, and professional organizing so I could finish out the year completing our family downsizing (I was responsible, rightfully so, since I took care of our household domestic flow; but pairing this all down takes a huge effort) and create space for my children and I in our one bedroom apt. As it stands, since this recent garnishment occurred, I am without any of these above needs met, as of today, December 16th. It has been 2.5 months since my children have been able to stay in our small space due to lacking enough food to feed them in the fashion they need and deserve and space to feel peace of mind. I had to draw the line as I did not want my children enduring this.
3. Court/legal costs (due to 'beyond" building concerns I am needing to pursue legal modifications)
4. Stocking up on extra allergy friendly foods for my son to ease the stress by getting ahead a bit with meal prep and freezer meals
5. Car maintenance, i.e., tires and check engine light is on
6. Business website/license costs- for my lifestyle business that offers Food Allergy Consultation and Professional Organization, 7. Kids' Enrichment Resources (karate/4-H) Food Allergy Camp, Soccer, CCD
8. Professional Organizer who has been coming in periodically to help ease stress of my small space overwhelm, going through an enormous amount of legal paperwork and downsizing emotional clutter (baby stuff, early childhood items, kids' artwork, medical records)- going through "the things" that represent our life before the eruption, can be a heavy endeavor and can trigger a tauma response - I have been working diligently on this when time allows, but the process takes time and effort and is emotionally grueling- thus a hands on helper has been a blessing. I help others in this line of work because I know how isolating it can feel. A clearer space empowers for greater decision making and completion of important admin.
9. Most significantly, next to legal fees, a down payment on a small home to provide an honorable space for my children and I, as the space we live in is not optimal for our needs going forward. At the moment, our place does not have a bathtub, dishwasher or laundry capabilities- personally I have not had an adult size bed or bedroom since July 4th 2017 (the kids have had bunk beds, but now at 11 and 12, a boy and girl, this is not optimal- we make it work, and it has not been an issue to date, but just not ideal as they head toward their teens in the next couple years).
As much as I feel absolutely indebted to the landlord who opened up this rental to me in a community where I had met much resistance, the need for hardwood floors for my son's allergies and basic modern amenities, is building. My son's food allergies demand a larger area for food prepping and non-carpeted kitchen to lessen cross contamination.
Although I have tried to apply for work in the small town I was forced to get to (court demanded that I be within 20 miles of it), in order to be close to my children, I have faced what I would describe as blatant job discrimination and/or a lack of options that meet my skill set and necessary logistics working around my children's needs- i.e. working at Casey's surrounded by toxic Pizza and donuts on my clothes and body to carry home to my son is not a welcoming option. Thus, at the current moment I am slowly building my small business where I clean the church as a sub, have 5 consistent organization clients, speak on contract for Southeast Community College on Food Allergies, ADHD and Organization and sell my photography. It is building slowly but has not reached the point where the flood gates are opening. The positive is it allows me flexibility to prioritize the needs of my children.
Essentially, all of my income goes to rent and kid's food/clothes/school and extracurricular activities, otc products for kids' health (vitamins), gas to children's doctor's apts and organization clients/grocery shopping for specialty foods (for my son's allergies) in Omaha or Lincoln- 40 to 55 miles away from our small town; a town that has very limited food allergy friendly options.
Bottom line, to enable me to gain stronger momentum and peace of mind for our priority collective needs, I can not continue to operate each day from 10 steps behind- it has taken a toll. The POSITIVE is that my focus on my childrens' emotional, spiritual, psychological, academic and physical well being has allowed them, by the grace of God, to have areas where they are succeeding or showing progress, that were formerly great areas of concern when the litigation process began.
That said, I feel this is the area where my motherly skillset has had greatest impact. Due to by and large my primary care efforts (even if the papers say otherwise), both children have attained strong academic performance, athletic achievement and shown success in civic, artistic, community endeavors while reaching their first communion milestones and coming up on their Confirmation in February. The most positive morale occurrence has been their immunotherapy shots for dog and cat allergies that has allowed us to adopt two rescue dogs- appointments that I had transported them to weekly after school- and now that they have reached maintenance, bi weekly.
It has NOT been easy, in fact it has been grueling, and there have been great challenges in the area of social emotional, physical health, peer relations, their faith journey, gaming, and well being concerns to include the impact of psychological grooming, negligence and parental alienation they both been subjected to.
As their mother, I am asking for help from my community near and far as I can no longer stand by and watch this path continue solely because my logistics have been so hard pressed that I can not fight the fight I need to. For better of for worse, having our tools and resources at a place of stability and strength can better equipped us and empower us for ourselves and our children. As a mom, from the reality I see before me, I have to put my pride and worry aside and ask for help. I know that all of my needs listed above are honorable and purposeful. There is nothing vain or indulgent, in these needs. Therefore, there is no shame in saying... I. Need. Help.
So here I go... I have ran out of steam and I. need. help...
Anything that you can do to help fulfill this need, I would be eternally grateful for. I vow to pay this forward when I am at the other side on higher ground. If you are not able to help out financially, I just ask that you plant a seed in someone's life that is in need- whomever this may be. Drop off a bag of groceries to a military mom. Help a DV woman who has confided in you to make an exit strategy. Pass along someone's business flyer or share their post. Show up to that first time mom and dad and just dive into the laundry and dishes. Bring Chinese.
These sorts of contribution can be such a positive ripple. Or if you are in need, I challenge you to be brave and make your needs known. As women it is so hard... We are supposed to be the helpers, to have all things perfect and accounted for... But life is not always that wrapped up in a velvet bow. Sometimes we go from bringing the prettily prepared fruit plate to the MOPS meeting/morning potluck for years to on the blunk of an eye the one standing with the tray held up at the shelter food window, waiting for that serving of mystery casserole.
Thank you for reading this lengthy GoFundMe request. It has been scary typing this. But for the sake of my two sweet children, I had to do this brave and scary thing.
Blessings to you and yours-
Stephanie-
Organizer
Stephanie Bryant
Organizer
Syracuse, NE