For The Goddess

Hello Friends, Neighbors and Community,

My name is Paul Etuk and I am reaching out today to share an ongoing situation with my daughter, the goddess. I have tried to handle this situation in silence, and have extinguished my saving a few times over the years in similar custody efforts. 

To put it plainly, after weighing the gravity of all that has taken place over the years—the stress, neglect as well as the effects on the goddess and seriousness of distancing a young child from their parent—I have concluded that to reduce the continued trauma and establish the consistency and care the goddess so richly requires and deserves, I believe it is once more time to seek full custody. After weeks of searching I have found a lawyer able to take on this case. In order to start the process, I need to raise the funds for legal fees and a retainer by Saturday August, 7th. 

For years, I have kept the struggles close to the chest, not wishing to take the goddess from her mother. However seeing the near overwhelming stress placed on the goddess’ shoulders and feeling at a loss as to support her best from afar, I am at a point where I must relinquish my pride, stubbornness and silence in this extremely important matter, lay down my shield and humbly implore aid in putting together the funds for this initial push in bringing this matter to the courts. My aim is to create as much stability and freedom from recurring current trauma with her mother as possible, and to give the goddess the chance to thrive without the added stress that she inevitably experiences due to her mother’s lack of consistency. I can't even begin to imagine the amount of undue stress this would alleviate and the unending gratitude both the goddess and myself would out pour back into the world and to each of you.

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To give you some background on why I would even consider taking the step to have full custody, I will explain.

When the goddess was 3 months old, her mother spent the entirety of our combined savings meant for our daughters diapers, food and her own rent on DVDs, eating out and cannabis. Due to her not wishing or willing to go back to work after this, it fell to me to produce a place for our daughter and her mother to have a roof. I connected her with a friend in the mountains who required childcare assistance. I was buying groceries, clothes and diapers for the goddess and her mother until my friend began paying the goddess' mother on top of the exchange for room and board. 

During her time helping my friend, I would travel two hours every Friday to retrieve the goddess for the three days I had negotiated off work every weekend. With only one or sometimes no bagged breast milk—which her mother found too time consuming to produce—I would try to ration a single bag over a three day period. The goddess' mother wished to have more time to make art, in place of a job, and threatened to let the goddess 'cry it out' at nights if I didn't quit my job to be able to take her for more time. I did without hesitation and lived off my savings until finally having to move in with kind friends. I worked a landscaping job until, once again, her mother wanted to go a rave with her new partner at the time. This time, she threatened to leave the goddess in the care of strangers if I didn't acquiesce to her wanting to spend four days with her boyfriend in the desert partying with drugs. Again, I requested the time off from my job and was let go.

In another instance, I gave her mother 1200 dollars to help with food and diapers for the goddess. And yet, six months later, I found out that her mother was using that money for attending Peyote ceremonies where she was knowingly breastfeeding the goddess mescaline. (Mescaline is a naturally occurring psychedelic, known for its hallucinogenic effects comparable to those of LSD and psilocybin—something that I believe should not be administered to an infant directly nor via breastmilk.) 

After expressing my distaste for the situation, her mother threatened to take our daughter and run. Immediately, I filed for 50/50 custody and it was thankfully instituted after a day of mediation. Six months before the goddesses second birthday, her mother found herself homeless once again after a tough breakup. At this time, I stepped in to become a full-time parent and barely heard from her mother for the remainder of the year. When I was finally able to establish communication with her mother, she was still having a hard time finding a place to stay. Every place she informed me of, fell through days after, but she somehow still wanted to take the goddess back into her care. I stood my ground and began filing for full custody as I was afraid I would be sending our daughter into a whirlwind of stress and uncertainty. I was one lap from the finish line with regards to the full custody but, having watched her mother give birth to the goddess and knowing the potential affects of being raised by a single parent myself, I dropped the custody proceedings. Months later, the goddess’ mother reestablished a home and we re-instituted 50/50 custody.

Over the course of three months following this renewed 50/50 agreement, I began to notice an abundance of stress in the goddess as well as regression in the potty training. When I conferred with her mother, she told me casually that the goddess was sleeping in an infant’s play cage/crib and was unable to get out during the night. So, in the mornings when the goddess needed to use the bathroom, she was being left to urinate and defecate on herself. Upset, I questioned, why? The response, a bed that would be appropriate for the goddess was still in storage. Without hesitation, I purchased a bed for the goddess to use in her mother’s home.

Four months ago, I would pick up the goddess each week, only to find her sad and questioning her looks and clothes. Concerned, I asked her mother what she had been noticing. Her response was that the goddess isn't allowed to dress herself in her mother’s home at the age of 4. To impress upon the goddess the importance of appearance and matching, her mother said she was telling her that she looked 'weird' whenever she would dress herself. I asked why, since the goddess had been dressing herself while in my home since she was 2 years old. I spent a couple hours speaking with her mother trying to understand why she would instill this type of self-doubt and negativity, and her response was that her boyfriend's mother had made a statement about the goddess’ clothes a year and a half prior, and she didn't want to deal with that judgment. So she removed the choice of clothing for the goddess to insure that both she and the goddess would not be judged as weird or poor in public. I tried to urge a judgment-free, body positive perspective in the matter, to no avail.

Most recently, as of three weeks ago, her mother is homeless once again, after a couple weeks of living in hotels and added tension, her mother split with her current boyfriend. Each time I picked her up for her days with me, the goddess would appear to be very stressed and unable to self regulate or be aided in emotional regulation. The goddess’ mother is demanding to have the goddess go with her as she negotiates her living situation each week from motel to couch and so forth, regardless of how much it clearly affects the goddess.

After weighing the gravity of all that has taken place over the years—the stress, neglect as well as the effects on the goddess and seriousness of distancing a young child from their parent—I have concluded that to reduce the continued trauma and establish the consistency and care the goddess so richly requires and deserves, I believe it is once more time to seek full custody. After weeks of searching I have found a lawyer able to take on this case. In order to start the process, I need to raise the funds for legal fees and a retainer by Saturday August, 7th. 

For years, I have kept the struggles close to the chest, not wishing to take the goddess from her mother. However seeing the near overwhelming stress placed on the goddess’ shoulders and feeling at a loss as to support her best from afar, I am at a point where I must relinquish my pride, stubbornness and silence in this extremely important matter, lay down my shield and humbly implore aid in putting together the funds for this initial push in bringing this matter to the courts. My aim is to create as much stability and freedom from this ongoing trauma as possible, and give the goddess the chance to thrive without the added stress that she inevitably experiences due to her mother’s lack of consistency. I can't even begin to imagine the amount of undue stress this would alleviate and the unending gratitude both the goddess and myself would out pour back into the world and to each of you.