I am not sure where to begin, especially when I’ve shared so many bits and pieces to my story.

I met my abuser when we were just kids. We grew up together, got married, and had a beautiful little boy. He joined the military and I raised our son alone through multiple deployments and underways.

While he was away I maintained our house, ensured our child was enriched and nurtured, and always awaited for the days we could be a family together. I hadn’t realized how bad the verbal, financial, and emotional abuse had been until it was too late. We separated, but are still not divorced due to him using that as another way to maintain control over and further abuse me.

For two years I have been desperately fighting tooth and nail to keep my son safe from our abuser. And for two years I have been disappointed to see that there is no justice without money. Loads of money. Unrealistic amounts of money. I have sought out legal aid, pro bono attorneys, done everything I can. No one wants to help due to how contested this case is, at the hands of my abuser.

I was forced to undergo over 72 hours of evaluations, that my abuser was not forced to undergo. The results showed that I am a more than capable and fit mother, that I am a victim of abuse at the hands of someone with a personality disorder, and that my abuser utilizes any and all forms of abuse possible inside and outside of the courtroom. It proved that I had no mental or physical illness, which I was highly accused of. I thought with all of this information, along with the judge acknowledging that I am a perfectly fit mother, acknowledging that I have more to offer my son than the latter, and that I’ve been his primary caretaker, that we would finally find safety from the nightmare we have been subject to. My world was then flipped upside down again when that same judge, who said all of those things, awarded our abuser primary physical custody. Stripping KJ of the life he has always known and thrived in. I was and still am in utter shock and disbelief.

Family court is in desperate need of a reform. There is extensive research and data that outlines how victims of DV go on to be further abused in the family court.

I was able to get the appeal, and my case will now be heard in a higher court, but this will cost even more money. More legal fees. A better attorney. Therapy for both myself and my child. I have come to learn that this is not a race, but a marathon.

It makes me sick to know that if I had unlimited resources, I probably wouldn’t have to continue fighting this battle. Money buys justice. And money allows my abuser to continue to get away with abusing me, our child, and a system that is put in place to protect us that continues to fail us.

Many people “joke” that the child in contested divorce cases goes to the highest bidder. The one with the most money. But that’s not a joke at all. That is disgustingly and utterly true. It’s always about the money and who has more.

This is a call to action, and even if you can’t donate please share our story. Tell someone. Tell anyone. Scream about this injustice and our story. My hope is that maybe if enough people hear, and stand up, that maybe I can connect with a few people who truly want to help us. Someone who could make a difference, connect me with resources, connect me to someone with a similar story, find support, literally anything that can help me and my baby.

This is a nightmare and I wish more than anything that I was able to keep my son safe from this evil and injustice. I’ve done all I can and I am simply out of ideas. This evil is so much greater than me to fight alone.

I’m not able to share so many of the graphic details. The really disgusting actions of so many involved, or give names of who has failed us repeatedly, but I so badly want to share my story in hopes that if someone else reads it and can relate, they can connect with me. They can know they’re not alone and they haven’t failed their baby, not the system has failed us.

thank you for reading of you made it this far