*Our cover photo is an older one, but the only one we have of our current family (with our fur babies).
**Please read our full story below...
OUR STORY
Hello - my name is Tony Bove, and my wife is Filomena Bove. We met on May 6th, 2012, at a cat carnival and instantly hit it off - then promptly went on our first date the very next day. We got engaged in August 2015, and then married on September 1st, 2018.
THE SUMMARY
The summarized version of our story (for those who don't like long ones) is: As soon as we got engaged we decided we wanted to start a family and have children. But we have run into one difficulty after another - and 6 years later, after many unsuccessful fertility treatments that Filomena has had to endure, and more money than we ever could have anticipated spending - we find ourselves here, still yearning to start a family.
The more detailed version of our story will give you a much clearer understanding of how we ended up here, on GoFundMe, putting our story out to the world like this and asking for your help and support - which definitely isn't our preference, but it's our last hope at this point.
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THE DISCOVERY - 2016
In 2016 after trying to get pregnant for 2 years through natural means (with no success), Filomena and myself went to a fertility clinic for the first time. We received a consultation, they ran blood work on Filomena, and when we came back to get the results, we were given the unfortunate news that no woman (wanting to conceive) ever wants to hear - "I'm sorry but Filomena has Pre-Mature Menopause, which only 5% of women in their mid/late 30's have, and there will only be about a 5% chance of being able to get pregnant with one of her own eggs."
THE 1ST ATTEMPT - 2017
This was of course devastating, BUT - there was still that 5% chance, and me being the forever optimist that I am (and determined that we were both still going to have our own offspring), we pushed forward with this option. It initially started with hormonal booster shots to see if it would increase Filomena's egg reserves. And shortly after during one particular ultrasound scan, our doctor said she saw an egg that looked promising! So we quickly prepped for insemination, and moved forward with our 1st (and only) IUI treatment. We stayed positive, and hoped and prayed, but a week later we got back a negative pregnancy test.
At this point we came to grips that getting pregnant with Filomena's own eggs was most likely not reasonably possible, and while we gave it one solid attempt, it would not be in our best interest to continue to try.
THE NEXT OPTION - 2019
After taking some time to reflect, plan a wedding, and try other holistic/natural fertility methods (that also proved to be unsuccessful) - we started to research donor eggs, and decided this was the next best (and most natural) option for us to have a baby. We would be able to take my sperm, combine it with a donor's egg to create an embryo, and they would implant it into Filomena. When successful, Filomena would become pregnant, carry, and give birth to the baby - just as if it were naturally conceived. This gave us renewed hope.
So we then purchased one lot of 6 frozen eggs from a donor that we both agreed resembled Filomena very accurately. We were also told that this particular donor's eggs had a very successful track record, yielding 11 prior pregnancies at the time of our purchase of them. Our hope continued to grow.
2ND ATTEMPT - 2020
Right after our clinic received the eggs in March 2020, Covid hit, and we were put on hold for about 6 months. Once things subsided a bit, we decided to move forward again. In October I provided my sperm sample, and they promptly thawed and inseminated the eggs. Under perfect circumstances the successful embryos will mature on the 5th day, and the norm is to get 3-4 good embryos. But on day 5 all of our embryos looked very grim, according to our embryologist, but still could possibly make a turn for the better on the 6th day. Well, on the 6th day two of our embryos miraculously rallied to a healthy maturity point, and were upgraded to being "transferable". But taking that extra day required them to be re-frozen, which can add further stress to their integrity.
We were delighted to hear of the good news that 2 embryos were salvaged, and if all went perfectly well, we could potentially have 2 children from them! They quickly started Filomena on her tough preparation program, which includes many added hormones and daily self-given shots with a large gauge needle into the buttocks. This lasts for the 2 weeks leading up to implantation, and to say that it's difficult to go through (both emotionally and physically), would be a huge understatement. These shots must be given (by me or herself) promptly at 7:30am every single morning (no exceptions), and the level of hormones that get pumped into her would make any woman having a stressful menstrual cycle seem like Mother Teresa. Going through that is definitely not for the light-hearted, either for wife or husband.
On implantation day I drove Filomena to the clinic, but had to wait in the car during the procedure (due to Covid restrictions at the time). They implanted the higher graded embryo (of the two) into her. Afterwards we went home, and she took it easy and cautiously for the next 10 days before taking the pregnancy test. We kept hopes high and remained positive, but 10 days later we received another negative result on the pregnancy test. Our hope was lost for the second time.
3RD ATTEMPT - 2021
After taking some time to heal (both emotionally and physically), we started to make plans to implant our last usable embryo - we had one final shot! So once again Filomena had to go on her tough regimen of hormones and shots to prep for the transfer, and all we could do is continue to hope and pray. I was able to be present for this transfer, which was great because I was able to hold her hand during the procedure, which seemed to calm her quite a bit. The doctor informed us that this embryo had further developed very well after it was thawed, and that Filomena's uterus looked amazingly healthy after her last ultrasound. Our family and friends had also been praying hard for us as well. Everything seemed to be aligning perfectly that day for a successful forthcoming pregnancy. We were elated, and once again full of hope. We thought this was going to be the one that stuck...or took. We both felt strongly about it.
Unfortunately you cannot hope, pray, nor will your way into a successful pregnancy - because if anyone already tried to do that at this point, it was us - and our family and friends. In this scenario the science and odds were just not on our side, and we received our 3rd negative pregnancy test back. It was the hardest one to take, because we knew that was the last embryo we had left. Hope crushed again, along with knowing that we've spent/charged/borrowed so much over the last 6 years - to only receive one failed result after another.
WHY WE ARE HERE NOW
If you are still reading along, then thank you. Because now you know how long of a journey it's been for us so far, just to try and start/create something that so many others out there can do naturally. But we want this, truly. It was always in my plan to become a father after getting married. I would often envision it throughout my life (even as a child) - what it would be like, what it would feel like, and what it would add to my life as a man. To have the privilege to care for and love someone else unconditionally on that level, you often hear how life-changing it is from other new parents. I hope to feel that joy one day.
As for mothers, if anyone was put on this Earth to be one, it was my wife Filomena - and anyone that knows this compassionate and selfless woman would 1,000% AGREE with this. It's been her lifelong dream to start a family and have children, and it would be a tragedy if this dream continues to be withheld from her, simply for biological reasons that are out of her control. If anyone deserves to be a parent, it's Filomena Bove.
WHAT YOUR SUPPORT WILL GIVE US
This is our last hope, our Hail Mary pass if you will - except without the big risk. The program that makes the most sense for us now (and in hindsight we should have utilized from the beginning) is a GUARANTEED Live Birth Donor Egg Program. It is of course the most expensive, but it removes the risk of continuing to take chances that result in nothing.
With this program the egg bank will provide as many eggs as needed (up to 6 lots - which would be around 36-40 eggs), and the clinic will provide as many implantation procedures as needed, until we successfully have a live birth. The program comes bundled in a package and costs approximately $45,000, which is insanely expensive, but it is estimated to have a 92% success rate for those that follow the program completely - and covers all donor eggs, thawing, freezing, storage, tests, and procedures needed to create the embryo's and implant them for a successful pregnancy and birth of a child. Some additional expenses that will not be included in the program are medications, hormone shots, genetic testing, lawyer fees, and counseling fees. These additional costs will vary, depending on how many eggs & procedures it takes to get pregnant and have a baby; but that is what the additional $15,000 in our goal is allotted for. $60,000 is the total of what we estimate we will need help with to reach our ultimate goal, and you can be assured that every penny you donate to us will go towards our endeavor of having a child. If you ever have any questions or concerns about these programs, procedures, agencies, or clinics - please feel free to reach out to us and we will gladly answer any and all questions to the best of our ability. But our goal will be to keep everyone on here updated regularly and through every step of the way in our journey.
WHAT YOUR SUPPORT MEANS TO US
Endless gratitude - we know that our goal is a very high amount, but even a $1 donation makes a difference, and we (and our future child) will be forever grateful for your support and love. You can also help us by sharing our fundraiser with your network of friends and family. Every effort helps get us closer to enrolling in the program. Together (with all of you lifting us up with your support), Filomena and myself are confident that we can make it over this challenging hump in our life, and get to our ultimate goal of being proud parents... and finally starting our happy family.
Thank you all for your time.
Love,
-Tony & Fil
A few things to note about donating:
- When donating, the "Tip GoFundMe Services" option is completely voluntary and not required.
- Donations made through the GoFundMe website will get 2.9% deducted from it's donation (to cover processing charges), and our fundraiser will receive the remaining 97.1% of the donation.
- If you would like to bypass this website and make a direct 100% donation by cash, check, Venmo, or other digital transfer method - please reach out to us and we can arrange for this (your donation will still get noted and added to our GoFundMe fundraiser total!) (this is our preference for any high dollar amount donations)
Here's a link to photos from our wedding in 2018:
http://alexsabinaphotography.com/portfolio/filomena-tony/