The money I raised is with my agency. They are in control of all of it. I get an invoice with every dollar spent and I can assure everyone it has been nothing but honest and professional. I love this agency I am working with...they are very good people. The list of expenses has been followed precisely. The only money Ive spent that wasn't on the expense list was for a hired Baba. When I was in Bulgaria it came to my attention (by my brilliant friend Betsy) that we could hire a Baba (grandma/ one on one nanny) to care for Elliott after I left. I chose to move forward with this because of Elliott's emotional state (or lack of). He can barely tolerate touch and he cannot be held face to face. To me, there were obvious signs of failure to thrive which both scared me and saddened me. There were other children in the home that had a lot of life in them, so I know it isn't just his environment, but more who he is as a human being. He is fading (although day 5 we got him to laugh!!!!!!) and I thought a Baba would be a good way to keep constant human contact until he gets home.
I am back on GoFundMe because I have decided to do an escort program to get Elliott home. This is not included in the adoption expenses because standard Bulgarian adoption is two trips (which is included) the second trip being 10 days. I am not sure how much the escort will cost yet. I am estimating around 5,000.00 from what I have been told. I will have a number in November I assume.
My main reason for choosing the escort was my kids. They were rock stars the first trip I took. Everyone stepped in and got my boys through 8 days without their main caregiver. This trip is longer, I will leave them again and this time come home with another child. I can't explain the concept to my kids nor can I prepare them for what will take place. So, my little boys will be completely out of sorts once again being off their schedules for that long, going from house to house and from person to person. Then little Elliott will be in a transition that none of us will ever be able to comprehend. I think the whole transition will be a living nightmare to be honest; where if I bring Elliott into a calm and peaceful environment it could be a lot more pleasant for everyone. The way my children are designed makes me believe that this first introduction to brotherhood can be either a really big disaster or truly beautiful and life changing for the three of them .
If I go on the second trip (I would love to of course) the two people who benefit are Elliott and I. However everyone else will have to compensate and be negatively effected by that choice. I do believe I am making the best choice for everyone. This is the short version of how I came to my conclusion. None of these are easy choices, but I think in the long run this choice will save my house, my children from a potential nightmare and instead give them an opportunity to have all of their tools and skill sets to thrive as little people in a very big situation.
Thank you in advanced.... not only for money, but more importantly allowing me to feel supported in the last year and a half. This has been a very difficult process and I am ready to tuck my three boys in and flip off the lights knowing they are all together. With so much love. Nykki
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