Help Erica Reunite with Her Children

My name is Erica. I have 7 beautiful children, one daughter with Rett Syndrome. I have been a stay-at-home mom their whole lives; my children are my world. I have been married twice to abusive men. My second marriage was to a man 25 years older than me. I trusted him because he was my dad's best friend, and my dad had committed suicide when I was two. So I had known of this man my whole life. We met again at my nephew's grad party, and at the time, I was married to a man who would beat my children and abuse us all mentally and physically. He acted like he wanted to save me and my 5 children at the time from the abuse. I believed him and thought we were safe, so I gave up everything to move away with this man, thinking I was escaping abuse, but later found out we got into an even worse situation. We had 3 children together, one of them was a late-term miscarriage. Because of my mental illness of major depression and physical illness of fibromyalgia, I was vulnerable and in need of help. I had no family or friends, and he kept us isolated and afraid. He started becoming very angry and would pinch, choke, and shove my children from my previous marriage, and also abuse my dogs. He would lock up food, even though I have two daughters with type 1 diabetes. Any proof of the abuse on phones, he stole and got rid of. My kids begged me to leave him, but I didn’t know where to turn or how to break free. He would threaten me, saying if I left him, he would keep our two young children from me. I would hide in the closet and pray and ask God for a way out of the marriage. Soon we got connected with friends who noticed the abuse as well. We lived in a huge fancy home, where he provided financially, so on the outside, it looked like everything was wonderful. I went to a women’s domestic abuse place for help and was able to get resources and leave. It has not been easy, and he has managed to keep my two children from me. He can afford a fancy lawyer, and I cannot, so the courts have taken his side! He says lies about me, continuously twisting things to make me look bad, but I keep fighting and trying to be heard. I have many friends now who have written character letters, as well as county support. My older children and I get therapy and are trying to heal, but it is so hard to heal when your abuser is getting away with separating children from their mother and siblings who love them!!! So hard to heal when injustice continues!! I feel like no matter what I say in the courtroom, they will not listen because I do not have an attorney. Now he has our two young children (7 and 9) believing horrible lies about me and thinking that I don’t want them!!! That is the furthest thing from the truth, and I need help with fighting for my kids. We love each other and want to be together, but our abuser is winning right now. Please help me fight for my family, please help me to afford an attorney. Thank you!!!