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“All of us have special ones who have loved us into being.” ~Mr. Rogers
Married and finally in a house that is perfect for three, we are absolutely ready and excited to love a baby into being and create a family. With open hearts, open arms and knowing that we're in for a wild ride, we welcome all the love, joy and challenge parenthoood has to offer. Unfortunately, getting started will be a little more complicated than we had hoped.
Kim has been diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve, which means her ovaries may be trying to shut down the egg factory a little too early. Multiple doctors have advised us that in-vitro fertilization (IVF) is our best chance of having a baby.
This process is going to be long and costly, but we have every reason to feel optimistic and hopeful that the result will be a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby. Kim will need three cycles of "moderate" IVF, which means fewer drugs than the conventional type, but still involves about 20 weeks of shots in the tummy and bum, hormone pills, and three egg retrieval procedures. We are planning to start the process soon, which means that actual implantation of Li'l Embryo Fishley would happen in early 2018.
• 3 cycle package mini IVF = $19,500
• Embryo prep, freezing, storage & chromosome testing = $10, 015
• 3 vials of sperm = $2400
• 3 cycles of IVF medications = $9000
Total = $40, 915
We believe in the power of people coming together with love in their hearts to achieve something big.
Can you help us love this baby into being?
We'd be so very grateful for your assistance in whatever ways you feel comfortable--donations, prayers, emotional support, good vibes, promises to babysit... :)
With love, hope, and tremendous gratitude,
Kim & Emily
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
1) How did you decide which one of you wil carry the baby?
Easy--Kim wants to do it. Emily is three years older, and is a little squeamish about the whole idea of a creature gestating inside her, even if it's human (she's seen Aliens about 30 times).
2) Did you try insemination already (a.k.a., " the Turkey Baster" method)?
We didn't. After doing a lot of research and talking to doctors, we learned that our chances of getting pregnant that way would be akin to winning the lottery, with about 50% change of miscarriage if we did manage to get pregnant. We opted to go straight to IVF because the chances of success and a full-term pregnancy are MUCH better. We decided we wanted to start our journey feeling optimistic and excited, rather than spending financial and emotional resources on trying procedures unlikely to work before having to pursue IVF anyway.
3) How does the IVF process work?
Kim will be given drugs to help her ovaries produce more mature eggs than usual, and at the end of each 5-6 week cycle the eggs will be retrieved through a minor surgery. The eggs will be fertilized with donor sperm and then frozen. This whole process will happen three times, so all the embryos will be stockpiled until "go-time," around January. At that point they'll thaw out all the embryos and biopsy a few cells from each one to send off to the lab for chromosome testing (preimplantation genetic screening, or PGS). This test ultimately determines the viability of the embryos and greatly reduces the chance of miscarriage. Hopefully one or more of the embryos will get a clean bill of chromosome health, and one of them will be the lucky winner chosen for implantation. Since we'll know it's a healthy embryo, the chance of it turning into a full term pregnancy is quite good.
4) Do you get to choose the baby's eye color, sex, etc because of this testing?
No--it's not that creepy. We'll only know which embryos are healthy and which ones aren't. We could find out the sex of each embryo if we chose to, but we've decided to leave it to chance.
5) Why don't you adopt a baby?
We'd definitely consider adoption down the road if IVF doesn't work for us. However, Kim really wants the experience of carrying, birthing and nursing a child, and we both like the idea of at least one of us being genetically linked to the child. While IVF is extremely expensive, so is adoption. The average cost of domestic and international adoption is $20k-$40k.
6) How did you decide on a sperm donor?
Knowing that a lot of personality, intelligence, and physical traits are heritable, we thought long and hard about what traits were important to us. We ultimately decided we wanted to try to select someone who was smart, kind, musical, and literate. We also wanted someone with basic physical features similar to Emily's. We also did extensive research on sperm banks, and we chose the one we think is the most ethical and transparent. Our number one requirement, even more important than anything else, was that our child would have the option to meet their donor after they turn 18. We are delighted with the guy we chose. Based on the sperm bank's extensive information and his own thoughtful, well-written answers to ther questionnaires, he appears to be smart, musically inclined, athletic and generally well-rounded. His reason for donating sperm was endearing as well--he said he probably won't have kids of his own, but he thinks he is a pretty good guy and he likes the idea of passing on his heritage to people who need help conceiving.
7) What will you do if you end up with leftover healthy embryos?
We'll probably donate them to couples who, for some reason, can't get pregnant using their own eggs. (The fertility clinic would require that we do this anonymously.)
Have other questions? Let us know!
- Jolene Randall
- Pat Power
- Susan Willats
- Sara Senn
- Aaron Rosen
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