Donate to Support Jess's Attorney Fees
Before you click away, there is a reason as to why I wrote all of this, so please stay until the end and if it's in your heart donate. I wouldn’t normally ask for “hand outs” but I need to have my daughter back in her rightful place, next to me and do not have much financial backing. Thank you.
TLDR: Ex who wasn’t abusive until 7 years into marriage and I divorce. He keeps child. Uses mental health issues and random excuses to keep child from mother. The mother has been in a 10 month court battle to obtain custody of the child. She has now acquired an attorney and is asking kind people for donations as she's 27 on Social Security for multiple chronic conditions. Daughter and mom suffering due to separation.
Hello, my name is Jess and I the mother of a bright, bubbly 3-year-old. She is the light of my world. In 2023, I decided I wanted to split from my husband of 8 years. We were married after I graduated from high school in 2015. In 2018, I became ill, leaving me unable to work. I have a few chronic illnesses and started receiving social security in spring 2021. As soon as I received my check, I got to nesting and bought things I knew we would need because I did not have the baby shower I desperately wanted.
My daughter was born in the fall of 2021, and I was severely ill at this point. I had preeclampsia that progressed and neared Eclampsia. They hospitalized me prior to having my daughter for an unplanned induction. My blood pressure was in the 200s. From there, I was put on a slew of meds and kept in the hospital for an extended stay. They wanted to discharge my beautiful, healthy daughter but did not because I couldn't leave.
During my time there, everything was blurry to the point that I couldn't see peoples facial features. I couldn't get out of bed the full 5 days that I was hospitalized. This meant that the entire time I was in labor and giving birth + after, I was confined to the bed on IVs. I was not allowed to eat while on the meds for 4 days. I had complications aside from the preeclampsia that caused me to lose 4 liters of blood. I had to have blood transfusions and lost consciousness at some points.
When I left the hospital, my platelet count was 7, and I did not receive iron transfusions until a month after. During my time in the hospital, I could not hold my daughter because I was too weak, and the staff could not leave me alone with her in her bassinet because of this reason either. I didn't get to do any skin to skin. In addition, I am on medication for Bipolar disorder and was unable to breastfeed my daughter at all because it can sedate them.
Essentially, The experience of having my daughter left a hole in my heart. Bringing a baby into world is a joyous time, however, for me, it was tiring, daunting and stressful. I had a flexible "birth plan" that went out the window immediately. My pregnancy was great. It went so smooth, and I was so excited up until the 38-week mark. My mental health had been wonderful my entire pregnancy, too.
When we brought our daughter home, I relied a lot on my husband's family because I don't have my own. It took everything in me to make it through those first few months. It was hard. I felt awful that I could not properly care for my baby myself, even though I so desperately wanted to.
Now, you're probably wondering why I am telling you this. Well, it's because I strive to provide my daughter with the best mother she can possibly have. For the first 6 months, family members and my ex-husband assisted me in caring for her while my doctors made a game plan to get me healthy. After, I transitioned to being a full-time disabled stay at home mom with my ex-husband, working 40-60 hour weeks.
We wanted to purchase a home and in Summer 2022 we moved from our 1-bedroom apartment to our 3-bedroom house. My ex’s father moved with us at this point. From here, things progressively went downhill.
Both my ex-husband and his father would disagree with parenting decisions I would make. These decisions were based off my daughter’s doctor recommendations and orders. Additionally, I would spend my free time researching reputable parenting articles, books, etc. on sleep, eating habits, and child development. Both of them would continue to miss medication doses, tamper with her sleep schedule, and feed her foods that doctors specifically told us to stay away from. All of this led her to become fussy and constipated to the point she was prescribed suppositories. We were having an issue with her getting out of the house while we were sleeping too because they refused to use the child locks I installed. I was the only one that would use them whether it be the fridge, cleaning supply closet, the doors, or the basement.
This led to arguments. In the summer of 2023 I had enough and asked my then husband for a divorce, which he refused. Instead, he started an invective campaign to friends, family, and my doctors pertaining to my mental health. He even spoke to my psychiatrist and pleaded that I was not in my right mind wanting the divorce. Throughout this period, he refused to sleep in separate beds and still pursued me for sexual encounters.
Coming back around to 2024, the problems just accumulated. In January, he broke my phone. He started screaming and throw things in front of our child and his own father. He then started leaving for work and not coming back, which I later found out was because he was seeing another woman. All the while, my daughter was asking where he was. I was expected to clean after him and his father, who live disgustingly. This was in addition to taking care of our daughter, my dog, my 2 birds, 3 indoor cats, 5 chickens, and multiple outdoor cats full-time. I ran the house and was expected to do so happily, even though I was being treated poorly.
In February 2024, after I expressed to my ex that I wanted to go to my dad’s house because of how he was acting, things became turbulent, disastrous even. I had my daughter on my hip as I tried to get ready. He took my keys to my own car, as he had done many times before (last time I had tried to leave he took my keys so I started walking and he called the police on me). Then, without the keys, I opened the door only a crack before he slammed it shut and tried to grab our daughter. He called the police once I started screaming for help and left the door open. I quickly went to the edge of our long driveway.
When the local police, who had come out previously, arrived they spent more time interviewing him than me. He stated I hit him numerous times, but he had no marks and the police nor him documented nothing. I gave my side of the story and was escorted into my house. They allowed him to get a temporary restraining order with no evidence, everything based on fallacies, and told me I had to leave my own residence and my daughter for 3 weeks. I had no money, very little clothes, and had to sleep in my vehicle.
When the hearing came, I had no representation. He did. I had the temporary restraining order dismissed because of the mountain of evidence I provided. At this hearing, he served me with divorce papers.
The day I arrived back at my home, I could not believe the state of things. My two birds that were healthy and, who might I add my cats and dog were not interested in, were dead. Magically gone. My dog left outside the entirety of my 3-week absence. My cats barely fed, and their litter boxes filled to the brim with excrement. They allowed the cats to relieve themselves on our couches, which I had to throw out. Our entire house smelled like cat urine. Upstairs and downstairs, which was not usual. Aside from the animals, there was trash all around the outside of our house. The inside wasn't much better. I came back to our kitchen having a severe roach problem, wrappers everywhere, and our glass stove door broken with it blamed on our dog.
My daughter was not in the best shape either. I had to make an appointment with our daughter’s doctor. During the time I was away, they did not give her the medications as prescribed, and she was in pain. More worrisome to me was that she was having difficulty sleeping, and did not want me to leave her side whatsoever. She started sleeping in my room again. Doctors advised us to do therapy together.
I addressed these issues with my ex and his father, they became hostile once more. They did not like my opposition. I tried to go to a women’s shelter with my daughter, but the local police told me I shouldn’t because I could get arrested since there was (and still isn’t, keep this in mind) no custody agreement. I could not believe was I was hearing. After this, my ex started taking our daughter out of the home 3 days a week. This then turned to 4–5 days a week for months under the ruse that he was going to his sister’s. He was not. He wouldn’t give me their address. He was bringing our daughter to this other woman’s house while I was begging him to bring her back home.
I tried going through the court system but even now, nothing has been resolved because I’m not represented. They denied me spousal support so that I could leave the residence, and denied any custody arrangements I applied for. I was at a loss. So, I did the only thing I could think of: I packed my stuff and left. I found a job near our hometown, about 45 minutes from our residence, and commuted for a month. Then my car broke, and the insurance and car payment were due (which my ex was ordered to pay among other things) so it was repossessed due to none payment. I ended up in a hotel for a month and then by the grace of god found an apartment. I thought this would be the end of things and I could finally get a custody agreement in place. This did not happen. Due to my income, I have a roommate. My ex along with our old friends know this roommate, so didn’t think it’d be much of an issue. My ex now will not allow my daughter to stay overnight at my residence. I had to fight him to even get 5 hour visits at my new place. Prior to this, he would only allow me to see my daughter at our house in his presence. This was not court ordered, this was him calling the shots.
It has been almost 5 months since I moved from our old residence. A month ago he, his father, and my daughter moved out and still reside in the same area. He has this other woman staying at their house (she even moved her stuff in) and when I call my daughter she is on the phone. I found out that he stopped paying the house (not even attempting to pay) in the Spring. He stopped paying my car and insurance. It was repossessed in the summer. He stopped paying my phone bill, my prescriptions, and anything that he was ordered to pay. The court will not take action. I have given them mountains of evidence. At the last court hearing I presented evidence to them that he did not pay the house (which we were selling for higher than we purchased) and they brushed me off. We got absolutely nothing from the sale because he owed them $20,000. The money from the sale would have greatly helped me.
I am now at the point that I have obtained representation. I cannot go any longer without seeing my daughter. She cries, begs, and asks for me on the phone and in person. It breaks my heart. Acquiring a lawyer will put a financial burden on me, but it needs to be done as we are approaching trial. My ex wants full custody of our child and only wants me to see her every 2 weeks, and I can’t even have an overnight. This to me is not sufficient because I am her primary caregiver and that was essentially taken from me. They are gaslighting me. They are making everyone believe I don’t love my child and that I never cared for her. That it was all him and his father because I have a mental health condition that is treated, stable, and manageable. I wouldn’t spend all the time, effort, money, and heartache of pouring through documents for court if I did not want to be involved in my child’s life.
My attorney requires a $5,000 as a retainer and they are roughly $300 an hour for the paralegal that will be doing most of the work. We will most likely be going to trial in the beginning of 2025 since it does not look like mediation is going to resolve this. This is a case that South Jersey Legal Services, Rutgers Law, and multiple other attorneys advised me is going to be costly and lengthy. South Jersey Legal Services, which I could get for free because I'm on social security, will not take my case due to what my ex-husband has mucked up. My only option is to hire someone on my own. I have no family assistance. It is just me, myself, and I + my attorney.
I have proof of everything I’ve spoken about here and more. I document everything may it be recordings, phone calls, emails, health records, etc. I can provide information if someone would like to donate but is weary, however, I will not just hand this information out for obvious reasons.
Thank you to those who have made it this far. I hope you find it in your heart to donate and assist me in getting back to being the mother I so desperately want to be. I waited 7 years into the relationship to have our daughter. I wanted to make 100% sure my mental health issues were managed and that we were absolutely ready to bring a child into this world. I was advised I most likely cannot have any more children, which crushes me, particularly during this time. Any amount helps.
Much love, Jess
