To an outsider, we looked like a typical family living in one of the English speaking neighborhoods in Jerusalem. If you were able to see what was going on inside of my home, you would have seen that my children and I were enduring the ravages of my husband's psychopathology. What was not apparent to any outsider was that my now-ex-husband was suffering from a serious personality disorder and was becoming increasingly more controlling and emotionally abusive over the years, to both me and our children.

My husband's goal was to convince me that I was worthless and completely dependent on him. My self esteem plummeted and hit bottom. I shut myself off from my parents, my siblings, my extended family and from the world at large. Of course, my parents never gave up on me.

They live in New York, with my special needs brother. They would fly to Israel separately, to try to save me and my children from this marriage. But my husband would attempt to bar me from seeing my parents and I was told over and over again by my husband that I was defective and deserved this abuse.

A few years ago my aunt offered to pay for therapy for me and the children. For some reason, I agreed to go. My self esteem began to improve, and I came to see things as they really were. Eventually I came to realize that living with my husband was damaging my children, and that this must end. Shortly after this I learned that my husband had not paid the rent for three years, and we were in arrears in excess of $75,000. He was summoned to court, but did not appear. An eviction order was issued by the judge. My husband did nothing to resolve the situation, and did not lift a finger to find a new place for us to live. At this point, I had finally developed the resolve to rescue my family from this ongoing trauma.

My father came to visit and endured all kinds of verbal abuse and threats of violence from my husband, but he worked with me to initiate my separation from my husband. My mother visited soon after and helped me find a small apartment for myself and my six children. My parents have provided as much support as they are capable of.

Over the years, I have endured this man’s increasingly dysfunctional behavior. He was hauled out of bed by the Israeli Tax Authorities for tax evasion, and was arrested for assault and battery on several occasions, including an assault on my mother and sister.

For the last several yars, he refused to look for regular employment, preferring to engage in dubious financial rackets. He studiously hid all his financial improprieties from me, and over the course of three years racked up massive debt, beyond the rent. We have had to rely on the neighborhood Tzedakah/charity organization to buy our weekly groceries. When our last child was born, there were several times when we ran out of diapers and formula because he wanted to keep any money we had for his own uses, including illegal drugs and alcohol.

I am now living in a small apartment with my six children. My parents and Gofundme are helping me realize my goal of finally being free of him, and in June of 2020 I was legally divorced from him. However, my parents have quite limited resources, and this fund is meant to cover the transition period as I make my way to independence.

I desperately need to build a new life for myself and my children. I am so grateful to be rid of his daily mental and emotional cruelty. We no longer live in a prison with a sick and abusive man. However, I must find the resources to support myself and my children, as we begin a new life. My now-ex-husband has abandoned his role as a father and does not provide the financial support he was ordered to provide by the courts. I set out on my own despite not having the means to do so. I was compelled to leave for the sake of my children, and now I am asking for your help.

The marks of his years of abuse are so deep and pervasive. None of my six children escaped unscathed from the 15 years of mental and verbal abuse. Several of the children need intense specialized costly therapeutic treatment. As well, the mental cruelty they underwent also caused significant learning difficulties and several of the children require academic assistance. As a single parent, I am solely responsible for taking each child to his or her various appointments which is quite time-consuming and exhausting.

At home, the children are extremely difficult to manage and this leads to a very chaotic and stressful home environment. The trauma they endured led to so many complex and difficult behavioral problems. Some of the children also have intermittent bouts of school-refusal, and there are many days when I have a child at home who should be in school, and my whole schedule has to be rearranged and some appointments have to be cancelled.

Their moods and emotions are very volatile and they often have emotional outbursts that bring the whole family's routine to a halt and throw our daily lives completely out of balance. The situation is truly hard to believe and the level of stress is extremely unhealthy. It takes all of my time and strength to deal with the situation and this makes finding and keeping a job very challenging. The “simple” task of running a home is not simple at all. I struggle daily with their mental-health challenges, as well my own mental-health challenges. The emotional toll on me is enormous.

Please help me; I wish I didn’t have to ask, but for the sake of my children who have suffered so much already, I must. I am committed to finding employment as soon as possible, and to becoming independent and self supporting. I respectfully request that you share my story.

Thank you,

A Jewish Mother