Big Man With Big Goals

I am posting on behalf of my daughters mother, Melinda Turner. Before Melinda and I split up we had a daughter together and I also got to know her son Gaeb. Today her son Gaeb graduated from high school which is a huge cause for celebration because so many believed he would not live long enough to make it too graduation. Gaeb suffers from "Allan Herndon Dudley Syndrome" which causes severe intellectual, speech and movement disability. This kid has been through alot and deserves to be recognized. Below is the story of what happened at his graduation (post copied from baby mama's facebook). I would like Gaeb to have a chance to travel somewhere cool in order to celebrate his amazing accomplishments.

I just don't know where to begin. I was told when Gaeb was one that he likely wouldn't live to 2 years in age. His brother Jeremiah, born years later with the same syndrome, died at 21 months old. Gaeb has been through so much his entire life. I stand by what I said when he was in 5th grade. His teacher told me they hadn't done graduations in the past, and I asked why not. I then explained everything that was on my heart. Us special needs parents live with the higher possibility of losing our kids every day. There is a chance they won't live to graduate from 8th grade, let alone high school. They gave those kids a graduation that year. 8th grade was a COVID year, but even then I told that teacher how I felt, so she still found a way to celebrate that day. Gaebriel has been through so many surgeries and illnesses in his 18 years of life. There were a few times that really scared me, and I thought I was going to lose him. But I didn't. There was another boy who was in 5th grade (possibly 4th) with Gaebriel who made it to high school but tragically passed away before 12th grade. It is a very big deal to INCLUDE them as you would any kid if that's what is wanted from their family. Since Gaeb got to high school, I made it known every year that I wanted him to go across that stage just like all the other kids/with all the other kids! That wasn't just for me, that wasn't just for him, that was symbolic for his brother and Jay'Ceon and all the other kids who don't make it to graduation day and all the kids just like him that do make it. It's to show the other families of kids like him that our kids get to be celebrated all the same. Special needs parents often have to celebrate the little things because, like with Gaebriel, there were many milestones not met (walking, crawling, speaking).

Now let's get to this year. This has been an agonizing year for Gaebriel. He has had many infections, including COVID, and some recurring infections that are leading up to his next surgery. He has been in so much pain from kidney stones and many other complications. From the start of this year, I have bought all senior portraits and for graduation even got his personalized yard sign and face fans. This day was supposed to be such a big day filled with joy. Filled with happy tears. These past few weeks I have been doing everything to make sure this day would be perfect. I checked in multiple times with the school. Even went to the school and had the principal show me Gaeb's options for going across the stage or going in front of the stage. His teacher stayed in contact with me and went to the practices and made sure, along with the principal and a few others, that his wheelchair could fit around the stage and practiced when he would come forth. They had planned for him to be in the chorus room while waiting to keep him calm. There was a plan in place for my vision, my dream of seeing my son go across that stage to come true. Gaeb went and got his haircut yesterday evening. I was at my mom's last night as she ironed and steamed his clothes for the occasion. Gaeb had to wake up very early to get him ready, make sure he had his meds and was fed and ready. We got to the school at 7:30 and put his gown on him, and his teacher took him. The doors open, and we go take our seats. The walk around the gym starts. Thankfully, my best friend's partner took a video of Gaeb going around the gym. He got fussy towards the end, so he did not walk around the auditorium but was taken straight to the music room to make sure he was good and comfortable and wait his turn. I anxiously sit in the auditorium. I memorize the 2 names ahead of his. Ready to "be dignified" by not clapping or hollering but to simply stand when my son gets called. But after Destiny, they did not call Gaebriel. My friend, my mom, and I think maybe they decided to call him last. But they didn't. The principal gets up to give closing remarks. By then, I am hastily making my way out of the room. Nate is texting me saying they skipped him. The co-leader I work with for Girl Scouts is in the gym and noticed they skipped my son, and my girls are in there getting all upset. No sooner than the auditorium doors shut behind me, I am ugly crying and hyperventilating, having a mini panic attack. All I can get out to the onlookers in the hall is "where is my son" "they skipped him" "he should be in the music room." A kind lady who I believe may work there walks me over. I get to my son, and I fall to my knees sobbing. My mother has followed in behind me. His teacher is about to cry because I am crying, and she doesn't understand how they managed to screw this up. She knew how important this day was for me. My mom disappears into the stage. My mom, Nate, and Kristin all spoke up about Gaeb being skipped. The principal comes out apologizing, and they come up with the only quick way to try and make it up to us. They want us to come do a walk-through in the auditorium with what staff and chorus members happen to still be up there. We call the rest of our crew from the gym to join us in the auditorium. People tried to stop them, but they spoke out and said again that they skipped our kid, and they were told to report to the auditorium for it to be corrected. Another person goes to block them, but a staff member who was aware of the situation then stepped in and told them they were needed in the auditorium. I videoed my son going across that stage with sad/angry tears rolling down my face and fingers trembling. Many came up and apologized. I do believe they were sincere. The school did try to correct their mistake. I am thankful for that. The mishap happened when the person calling kids from the list was told to skip over the names of students they did not see. I am trying to be understanding of that, but this was practiced. He should have put an asterisk or something by my son's name to remind him that my son would be coming out of the wings in his wheelchair, but a breath was barely taken between calling the girl in front of Gaeb and the guy after him. Some may say, well, at least your family got to all come into the auditorium. No, no, no. This was his day. This was my day. He was 1 month old at my high school graduation. I was ready to be the proud mama at his. My son lived to see this day. It wasn't just about him, me, family. It was about so much more. He was supposed to be INCLUDED. Just this one day, he was supposed to go in front of the audience like all the other kids. There was a vision, there was a dream. Nothing can fix this. The damage is done. We deserved better. The special needs community deserves better. They failed my kid today. They shattered my heart. Just this one day out of his 18 years of life, but no, he couldn't even have this day go to plan. I went home today and cried. I went out and tried distracting myself, but as soon as I got back in my car, I cried some more. I got him a little gift as I didn't have the money to throw him a party or do much for him. I came home, I cried some more. I look at him, and all I want to do is cry. All I wanted was this one day!