On March 17, 2017 I delivered our daughter Gracie Ann at 12:29am, 6oz and 7     inches. So tiny and so perfect. She was not alive, she had died due to a hypercoiled umbilical cord, a 1/100,000 occurance. I was in my 6th month of pregnancy. The events that followed her birth continued to be devastating. A year after Gracie's death we decided to try for another baby and we again were met with a huge blow. Due to delivery complications after Gracie's birth I had to have a DnC. This resulted in me being diagnosed with "The most severe case of Asherman's Syndrome I have ever seen". This diagnosis means that my uterus is filled with scar tissue as a response to the scraping during the DnC and my uterus was glued shut and "flat like a pancake". All of the healthy endometrium that helps hold a baby in the uterus was damaged and gone.

If you know me, then you know that I don't give up. I went on to have 7 invasive surgeries followed by high doses of hormone therapy to see if we could clear my uterus of scars and and I could carry a child. Each surgery resulted in me wearing a water-filled balloon internally for 10 days to hold my uterus open and keep shape. In addition I took high doses of estrogen in an effort to try to regenerate the lining. I did this over and over for the course of a year. In December 2018, our Dr. said that there was nothing more to be done. Again, another loss. In the course of 3 years I had given birth to my son who took two years of fertility treatment to get, lost my mother 14 days after his birth to cancer, got pregnant with Gracie without medical intervention, lost Gracie and now had lost my womb. I couldn't and still can't grapple with the intensity of my losses. I thought my mom/God had sent me Gracie. If so, then why was she taken away? Why was everything taken away?

Since December 2018 I have been consumed with grief and desire for another child. I had an epiphany this past week after a three week grief/depression wave. I realized that I need to either accept I will never have another child or go big or go home and fight tooth and nail get funding for IVF, collecting eggs, creating embryos, finding a surrogate.

Here is the challenge, in case you were unaware, a surrogate costs
$70,000-$120,000. Can I get a What the H! Surrogate costs usually involve, finding a match for a carrier, IVF, IVF transfer, legal contracts, travel costs, costs associated with the pregnancy, surrogate payment to carry and health insurance coverage for the surrogate's pregnancy. Ideally we want to begin this process as soon as possible. My goal is to possibly start the IVF and embryo freezing first and then secure a surrogate.

What are we doing to help ourselves:I have been squirreling away money in our savings account (almost to 13,000). I have applied for a 10,000 grant for surrogacy (fingers crossed), and now I am asking you. Will you help us fight, try and heal?

It is hard to be this vulnerable with friends, family and strangers. This request for help has the ability to change all of our lives together and my hope in the end is to give to other families fighting this same battle. Infertility and infant loss is a lonely world.

Regardless of if we are able to pull this off, if this story can help at least one family, then I have achieved my goal.

What will we do if we don't reach our goal? If we raise money, but it is not enough and surrogacy is something that we cannot attain, we will donate all the proceeds raised to other families struggling with infertility through a grant in Gracie Ann's name as well as all of your names who donate. Together, regardless of the outcome, we will facilitate change and hope.

Please spread the word and use HASHTAGS:
#InthenameofGracieAnn
#GracieAnn