Ashley & Caleb's Journey to a Baby

If you would prefer to donate via Venmo, you can donate directly at: @Caleb-Ryan-2

Caleb and Ashley here! Although we kicked off our official “marriage" journey about six months ago, we’ve been working towards starting a family for over a year. As many others, we anticipated the journey to be emotional but natural, but after many months of trying, we decided to reach out to a fertility specialist. We started bloodwork, genetics, and additional testing in September, hoping for a “quick” fix. At the end of October, we learned of a devastating roadblock in our once-simple journey: we received a diagnosis that Caleb had a rare genetic condition within his chromosomes that would make it impossible for him to father a child biologically. We learned that this genetic condition should only affect Caleb’s fertility, and we are so grateful to know that it shouldn’t affect anything else healthwise. We are continuing to process this news for both Caleb and for what it means for our little family.

With this new diagnosis, our new "normal" has changed suddenly and drastically. Our hearts are broken as we continue to understand and grieve that we will never be able to bring our own little “us” child into the world. I’ve always told Caleb that I hope our future kids get his cute freckles—he hates them, but I love them. They come from his mom’s side, and I’ve loved watching how they pop up on his nieces and nephews. I never thought I’d cry thinking about freckles, but when you know you’ll never get to see “if” they would have passed on, it finds a way to hit your feelings hard.

Our new “normal” is something we are incredibly grateful for, but along with processing everything emotionally, it comes with much more significant and unexpected costs. Along with receiving the difficult news of Caleb’s diagnosis, we learned that we had two options to move forward: finding a sperm donor or adoption, both of which come with their own set of new processes and obstacles. And while we are open to both, we hope to be able to experience creating a family through our own pregnancy.

On average, one vial of donor sperm costs around $1,000, and each “try” through insemination (least invasive), or potentially IVF if we get to that point, takes one vial-. We anticipate needing to purchase, transport, and store 4-5 vials upfront to account for the average attempts to have a viable pregnancy. And if we are fortunate and can get pregnant within the first few tries, we can save the additional vials for a future sibling. All in all, we anticipate this entire process to cost around $10,000 - and that’s just to attempt and hope to get pregnant.

We love being able to love on our nieces and nephews (Caleb’s side, this would be my parent’s first grandchild and my brother’s first niece or nephew) and watching some of our best friends bring little ones into the world. There has been so much heartbreak and pain but also so much hope in this process already. We are confident that we will get to love on our own sweet baby soon, and we are so grateful for the support and love we are already receiving, especially in times when the next steps feel so overwhelming.

We are so thankful in advance for everyone’s wants to support and help us on our new journey. We don’t want anyone to feel obligated to donate, but we are so grateful to everyone who does and to those who help share our story to begin our little family. Our new “normal” feels hard, but we know with the incredible support system we have, it isn’t impossible. And knowing that our soon-to-be little one will have all of you to love and support them brings tears to our eyes.

And because I’ve erased, re-written, cried, laughed, and sniffled my way through writing this (and if you made it this far, thank you!), here is some of our "funny" as we cope with this.

Caleb: "At least if our kid is being difficult, I can say it isn’t from my side."

Ashley: "Hey, that means no more birth control for the rest of my life!!"

Both: "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming... except we need swimmers. And then they can just keep swimming!"

Truly, thank you. We can’t imagine being where we are without your incredible support and love!

~ Ashley & Caleb