Howdy,

For those who don't know me, my name is Rebecca. I'm almost 32 and a Mom to an 11 year old and 2 year old. I'm a Veteran and Gold Star Wife of an amazing Marine, LCPL Ryan "Danger" Allen. As most of you know, my brother passed away in March of 2020, as well as my husband loosing his battle with PTSD and taking his own life last year. This has left my two kids and I in a bit of turmoil emotionally, mentally and financially. With the struggles Covid has brought to not only society, but also the government, it has postponed payment to myself and children through The VA and Social Security making it difficult to survive on only my income.

Due to the nature of his death, it required the kids and I to abruptly and unexpectedly move as well as get a new vehicle and switch our eldest's schools which consumed most money that was donated shortly after Ryan passed. With these hardships (and still managing two children, a house on my own and while working full time/over time) it has caused medical and emotional stress that has put me in the hospital/ICU a handful of times and away from work for multiple weeks. Thankfully my employer provides great benefits, but unfortunately I have had to take a lot of time off unpaid to seek and maintain care.

I've been blessed to find folks that allow me to clean their houses on the side for extra cash as well as picking up as much over time at work as possible, but this too has limits due to having to pay a day care provider while I work as well as a hefty parking fine to park in the structures of downtown Portland for my safety while at work.

Honesty is always the best policy, but I think is especially imperative when asking for folks' hard earned money. With that, the stress and overwhelming doom of bills has pushed me to a depressive and hopeless state. Covid has shut down many businesses, cutting jobs and putting hardships on a lot of society and know I'm not the only one struggling. Like most, It's difficult to ask for help, vent my troubles and be vulnerable; but the financial stress of day to day bills along with medical charges piling up has become such a heavy burden that it's hard to find myself out. In March of 2021, I checked myself in to a facility due to a suicide attempt from the build up of stress, loosing multiple family members and lack of seeking help and my hope is by creating this to get help, I can help prevent a replay of earlier this year.

To put all at ease, I'm very focused on my Faith, myself and kids during our continued trauma healing but am finding it hard to keep going while trying to tackle it all on my own. This isn't a suicidal statement nor something to be concerned of, just honesty. While in the dark times of last March, it felt embarrassing to ask for money ... making it feel as if I had failed or wasn't capable of doing this alone. (For someone as stubborn as myself, seeking financial help is rough) Through extensive therapy and self reflection, I found myself writing here rather than allowing the continued downward spiral and potential self harm as a 'way out' of this depressive state. As difficult as it is to ask for help, I'd rather do so than be gone and hurt my family & friends the way my heart hurts from Ryan leaving.

To lessen concern of my safety, please know I'm seeking professional mental help and am NOT suicidal, but seeking financial help before it gets to that point since I've been there before. With the holiday's here and the hardships of inflation & day to day life, I understand I'm not the only one struggling ... but anything would be an amazing help. Thank you, very much so, from the bottom of my ole heart. If you could please share, it'd be greatly appreciated. Thank you, so so much in advance!