Josh and I (Brittany) fell in love within 48 hours of meeting each other and were married 9 months later. It has been the best decision we ever made. Five months after marrying (November 2014), we decided we would like to start trying to have children. I felt like I had realistic expectations that it might not happen right away and that was ok, the trying would be fun! We wanted a big family and so it was probably a good time to get on that.
Eventually, the trying was no longer fun. The trying was routine and scheduled; it was full of daily temperature taking, peeing on a stick to get the right ovulation time, charting everything, reading books on how to get pregnant and it not working...leading to frustration and fears and wondering what was wrong with me.
So at the at the year mark (November 2015) Josh and I consulted with a fertility specialist. He told me I had unexplained infertility—which is maddening by the way because something is not functioning how it’s supposed to, they just don’t know what. He felt like he could get me pregnant easily because of my age. So in January of 2016, we did an IUI. We had issues along the way with my body not responding to the medications and the IUI failed. This affirmed the belief that something was wrong with me and I was heartbroken. We want so desperately to have a family.
Being the little researcher that I am, I was determined that there had to be an answer to this unexplained infertility. So from 2/16 to 7/17 I saw a holistic doctor, drank the juices, used the oils, got stuck with needles, ect. trying to figure out what the problem was. I changed my diet and got rid of gluten, dairy, and sugar for months... nothing happened. I got frustrated and even rebelled with all the stuff that was “supposed” to help me get pregnant but didn’t.
Years 1.5-2.5 were the hardest. I had so many negative thoughts about my ability to get pregnant and have a family. I felt like I was a failure as a woman, something was wrong with me, maybe I wouldn’t be a good mom, that it would never happen.... I longed to see Josh holding our little, hearing the sound of footsteps on our floors or little giggles coming from the next room. I watched others get have a family was ease (it seemed like) and I was left longing... aching. These hopes of a big family seemed to be dissipating with each passing month...year.
In July of 2017, we felt like this was probably the best time to try an IUI again. We had saved up the money and we had been praying for this little one to show up and that the IUI would be successful. Lo and behold and against all odds (Dr said this wasn’t very hopeful), it was successful. After almost 3 years, we were expecting. I was planning for this perfect little one due March 2018. Days after we found out, I started bleeding. I was terrified I was losing our little miracle and promise. The doctors assured me everything was ok and this was normal. Just 2 short weeks after the best news of my life, we lost that little life. It was devastating. I felt like I lost a piece of myself and felt an emptiness I couldn’t even describe.
We tried again in January of 2018...with a big fat no. All along the way my eggs struggled to grow with no real explanation. While this was painful, I felt almost numb to it at this point—infertility had become a way of life... (not cool).
In July of 2018, we decided to do IVF. We felt really good about it. The doctor said there was no reason he could see that this shouldn’t work for us. We prayed and believed and called if done in Jesus’ name. Even with all the medications, my eggs struggled to grow. Thankfully, the doctor was still able to collect 6 eggs. Three days after the eggs were fertilized, I found out they were unlikely to make it. I asked many close friends and family to pray for these littles to make it. I felt like this was my role as a mom... moms fight for their children and so that’s what I was going to. I prayed my heart out fiercely and got people to agree with us. But, we got the news the next day that none of our embryos made it. We were devastated. This was supposed to the smoking gun...and it wasn’t.
We have had dark moments in this process without a doubt. However, we have learned that God meets you exactly where you need Him, in your dark holes. I remember the moments curled up in fetal position crying out to God, trying to understand his plan with never-ending tears. He met us there. His grace always found us. This has been a 4 year journey and I am here to proclaim to you that He is a good God. He is faithful. He is loving and tender, even when prayers seem unanswered. This brokenness has lead us to know the beautiful character of God in great depth.
We searched our hearts and prayed. We were preparing to do IVF again when we had some unexpected events stop our path. We believe this was the Holy Spirit. As we prayed on it and kicked the timing around, we knew this was the right time. We decided we wanted to adopt even before we were married. We just thought a biological family would come before family by love/adoption. We have learned that our plans never seem to be His plans. Through time, we’ve learned to trust that. We are elated about this direction and where He is leading us.
We have spent about $25,000 trying to grow our family over the last 4 years. We have done everything in our power to make our dream happen. We believe that God put this dream in our hearts and he will bring the finances for us to make it happen.
Adoption can cost up to $35,000. We are asking that you pray with us that God makes a way and if you feel him leading you to help make that happen for us (by donation or by shares), our hearts and arms will be forever grateful. We believe it really does take a village to raise a child and this a part of that.