Addiction is a monster and loving a person in active addiction is among the most emotionally trying and isolating experiences one could endure.

Nine years ago, I was on the dance floor when a curly-haired cutie came shuffling up next to me. Four months later, we were dating; three years later, we were married.

When we met, both of us were in the throes of addiction and alcoholism. Despite the odds, we managed to achieve sobriety and blossomed together in the most beautiful ways: establishing careers, launching businesses, building a home, traveling abroad… life was grand.

Now in our thirties, we began to seriously entertain the idea of having children. We debated for over a year, carefully considering the pros and cons. The timing seemed right; we had sown our wild oats, were established, and had savings. The things we previously considered hurdles which deterred us from parenthood were seemingly resolved. Ultimately, we decided to take that path, to combine our love for each other and pour it into a new soul.

I was on cloud nine when the pregnancy test was positive. However, my husband was secretly struggling. While intentionally trying to conceive, his inner turmoil erupted, and he made the regrettable decision to use illicit substances. One week later, my world collapsed when his relapse was revealed.

Internal war raged inside of me. I writhed when considering termination and adoption. There was something deeper, something primal, that I just couldn’t ignore telling me that I needed to have and raise this child. I carried a flame of hope that my husband would quickly rebound. Alas, here we are today.

He has attempted treatment, maintaining sobriety for six weeks before relapsing again. When he was present and supportive during labor, I believed he was sober. However, it soon became clear that he was still using. This time, however, our son was no longer safe inside my womb, no longer shielded from potentially catastrophic harm.

My husband and I are now living separately. Every day I am afraid for him, but every day also provides a glimmer of hope that he will be well again.

Currently, our 3 week old son, two dogs, and I are living with my in-laws. I am beyond grateful that we have a safe bed to sleep in, a roof over our head, food to eat, and the support of people who are also love my husband.

While I recognize this blessing, I also understand that it is my responsibility to provide for this new little life. The hurdles feel insurmountable as the past year of chaos generated a mass of debt. I feel lost and don’t know where to begin.

Friends, my cup is empty. I humbly reach out my hand and ask for your help that I may stand on my own two feet again.

The funds donated will be used firstly to obtain a vehicle and cover the costs associated with getting it road ready, such as title, registration, insurance, and any necessary repairs. This vehicle will be instrumental in my endeavors to obtain independence as it will allow me the ability to go to appointments, work events, and more.

Thank you for your precious time and consideration.