As many of you are well aware by now, I lost my beautiful, kind, compassionate and perfect mum and best friend to pancreatic cancer in 2024.

From the day she was diagnosed to the day she passed we have two months with her, just over 60 days, cruelly one for each one of the years she graced this planet for.

Mum was my best friend, I could text or call her about anything, she would turn up to mine and we would do anything together, car road trip? Sure. Dog walk? Of course, she was down for anything and this is what I truly miss, no questions asked, just spending time together doing nothing in particular.

One of my favourite memories of her is doing the Llanberis path up Snowdon, her true grit was present this day, despite being the “easiest” path up the highest mountain in England and Wales, it’s also the longest. Her hips were killing her, the pain evident on her face, but she cracked on, didn’t complain and got up that mountain. She did get the train back down, reluctantly, where true to mum she fell asleep!

SO my Uncle and I are going to do that route again, this time without mum, the mountain is a special one to me and is littered with memories of mum. I have no doubt this will be mentally taxing, but I know mum will be with me in spirit, I may take a Guiness up to toast to her up the top.

During mums illness we were supported by the wonderful St Helenas hospice; this is whom I would like the money raised to be donated to. Mum’s wish was to go home, back to the home she raised us all in, the house was bursting with memories for her. Her short stay at St Helenas enabled her to be stabilised so she could fufill that last wish. Her time there was a happy one, although we all knew that the outcome wasn’t one any of us wanted. They adored mum (everyone did), they brought in DVDs for her, had a visiting massage therapist, and they even advised us (Josh and I) to bring our wedding forward so mum could be there, we did this, and they set up their garden so we could have a blessing with mum there, for this and so many reasons I owe them a lot.

When mum was brought home, she was so happy, the dogs were thrilled to have her stay (Salsa more excited by the hospital bed in the living room that the hospice organised) she was so content. During her time at home she deteriated, as expected, she needed more medication to ease her pain which was so present in her face but true to her, mum didn’t complain. St Helenas hospice helped me understand the various medication, they taught me all the medical jargon, and helped me through the endless paperwork (as did my wonderful sister in law, whom I am endlessly grateful to for taking this burden off mum). They were on call 24 hours a day, they came during the night when I couldn’t control her pain, they were absolutely faultless.

Mum’s last night was difficult, I watched her like a hawk, her breathing getting rattily, her breaths more shallow, eventually I subcomed to tiredness, within the half a hour I had fallen asleep she had passed, with me and my beloved dog, Hobo, by her side, I truly believe she waited for me to fall asleep, her being utterly selfless until the end.

Life without mum has been difficult but with thanks to the endless memories that I have, helped with the memories that the hospice enabled us to create has eased this pain.

So, I want to give back, I’ve climbed this mountain twice before, however I am at my unfittest I’ve ever been at, my mental health is weak but I know I can do it and WILL do it for mum, my best friend and for the hospice so they can help more people have a nice ending.

Thankyou for reading my ramblings, please donate if you are able, please do not leave yourself short. Life is tough, but we are tough. Sleep tight ma, stay close.