My name is John Tate.

For over eight years I drove Uber — 4.98 rating, almost 12,000 trips. That car fed my family. Then Uber wrongly suspended my account. No real way to fight it. One day I had work. The next day I didn't. I lost the first place I was trying to get into because of that.

It's not easy when you lose everything and have to build yourself back up.

Then their mother left while she was pregnant. She won't let me see my son, and I've never even met my daughter. That was the second place that slipped away.

Losing the mother of my kids from my previous relationship devastated me too. We still haven't even had the funeral. When terrible things happen that serious, it messes with your mental health — and you have to take care of that too.

After she left, I kept grinding. I paid for a roof with Instacart out of the French Village Motel in Fairview Heights, Illinois. Doing Instacart without a car was hard, but I did it.

Asking for help was hard at first. St. Patrick Center didn't have shelter for men. Biddle House is always full — and it's dangerous there. Call 211 yourself and see what you get. St. Louis had that tornado, and a lot more people ended up without a place. Then they closed the Mark Twain, and that pushed even more people out looking for somewhere to go. A lot of it was bad. And a lot of people don't seem to care anymore. It feels like the bystander effect — everybody watching, waiting for the next person to help.

After dealing with people long enough, it gets hard. Helpers group you in and treat you like they think a person without a home should be treated. At Biddle House and a lot of places, the people they put in charge make it harder — especially if you're dealing with mental health. The shelter I was in, in Illinois, didn't care if you wanted to get your life together. Seriously. It was bad. People abusing their power. Basically security guards running it, treating people badly on purpose — especially the elderly. I couldn't believe what I saw. I kept low. I just watched it happen to others.

After I left, I went to do Instacart with all my bags in the rain. I cried that evening. I missed my kids. I felt worthless. I called 988. I was ready to go. Then the idea to post on Nextdoor came. I was so nervous and ashamed when I did — soaked wet, books in a garbage bag, a duffle bag, and my new CPAP. That evening, prayers were answered. And now we are here.

I have my CDL. Some months back through all this, my CPAP was stolen, and I haven't been able to stay compliant with DOT regulations. I would have gone back to trucking to build money. Now I'm so close — other than missing a couple of days recently. Bi-State is still holding a spot for me in their December class, but it's difficult getting ready with everything going on.

I'm still figuring things out. I already enrolled myself to finish school. Reading really helped me — studying the individual psychology of Alfred Adler. I started studying philosophy too: Marcus Aurelius, Lao Tzu, Plato, Søren Kierkegaard, Friedrich Nietzsche. Reading helps me meditate, focus, and stay steady. It's a big part of my mental health.

I'm still working. Still fighting to get back on my feet so I can be the dad my kids need. And I need the community of this earth to help me out of this pickle.

If you can help, any amount matters. PayPal: [email redacted]

Books that help my head stay steady (Amazon wishlist): https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/4OWZTJTDK5CG

– JT