A Car That Can Hold All Of Our Love

Yeah, you’re reading this right. I made my own GoFundMe. I never wanted to do this. I still don’t really want to be doing this. Mostly because I never wanted to be in a situation where I had to—these things are for people in dire straights, who have experienced grave illness or great tragedy. Right? And that’s not me, right?

Right. That’s not me. And I’m am so very grateful for that. Instead, because of a series of choices we've willingly made, my little family has found ourselves in a situation where we could use some extra support.

Many of the details of how we got to where we are are kept private to protect our children and loved ones, but to help you all understand a bit more, I'll explain what I can...

In 2015, we chose to pursue adoption to grow our family. In 2016, we chose to welcome our son, Alex, to our family as a legal risk pre-adoptive placement. "Legal risk", in the foster-to-adopt world, means that the child's biological parent(s) still have their parental rights and it will still need to determined by the courts if those rights are terminated and the child placed for adoption, or if they will be retained.

In the summer of 2019, we finalized Alex's adoption. By that fall, we chose to reach out to his biological mother and open a connection (a very thoughtful decision supported by professionals and a lot of mental health and adoption research, but also our own hearts).

We learned she was pregnant and we got to squeeze in a visit before the baby was born.

Then 2020 happened, but we chose to stay in touch. The baby was born and we looked forward to a time when we could get together again and Alex could meet his half sister. That happened in October that year--we met all together at a fall festival. The baby with her mom and dad and Alex with his brother and Micah and I. We had a fantastic day.

We received a call from DCF just one week later explaining that the baby was coming into foster care and needed placement. It was a shocking call, but reunification seemed likely and Alex (and all of us) had been so excited to start this new relationship. We took the weekend to think, talk and prepare, and chose to welcome 8 month old "Little Miss" to our home the Tuesday after Columbus Day weekend.

In the year that followed, everyone worked really hard. Her parents, doing everything they needed to get her back, Micah and I doing everything we could to love and nurture her and maintain a healthy connection to the family she would be heading home to. A strong bond was built between two families.

When Little Miss went home to her mom (and baby sister!) after a year with our family, we wept, but we also celebrated. We felt so proud of the work our families had collectively done and the way we had all grown. We committed to staying in touch, and we did.

This Tuesday, we all had a "Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day". Very, VERY unexpectedly, Little Miss is back in our home and will be indefinitely. Maybe not forever, but almost certainly much longer than her first stay, and we are unprepared.

Are there other foster homes? Yes. Could we have said no? How does one choose to say no to a child who had lived with you longer than anyone else in her short precious life...knows your home better than any other...your son's sister. That choice isn't really a choice.

The last 48 hours have been focused solely on making sure Little Miss feels safe and loved, and now we are slowly trying to wrap our minds around a future we never expected.

Here's where the help comes in....

We can only fit all three kiddos into one of our two family cars. We were able to make this work in a time when the kids were home, and I was working from home and Micah worked evenings, but the return to a more business as usual life has made this kind of juggle impossible. Each of us needs to be able to transport all three kiddos regardless of where we are or what car we're driving. So I'm looking to trade in my modest little used SUV for an equally modest used minivan. No bells and whistles, just a safe and reliable car that fits us all.