My name is Lindsey and I’m rebuilding my life.
In September 2024 my son Bear passed away. He was 15 months old. It was unthinkable. It was earth shattering. And frankly it still doesn’t seem real. It is something I will never recover from. Every second of everyday I think about Bear.
Bear was/is incredible. I still don’t like using the past tense. He was genuinely hilarious, a never ending source of happiness for every single person he met and, not to brag, he was absolutely crushing swim class. That first summer he would cuddle on my chest and I was in heaven. His favorite stuffy was a hot dog and he was best friends with our dog Clementine. They would lay on my bed together and he would hold her paw. It was beyond cute. I know she misses him as much as I do. He was her baby.
It’s hard to separate the deep pain from the happy memories some days but I really do feel like the luckiest person in the world for getting those 15 glorious months with him.
About a month after Bear passed, my husband and I found out I was pregnant. This was absolutely incredible. I had something to live for. At 6 weeks I lost the pregnancy. My hope for a normal life, or any kind of life, seemed like it was gone. My whole world was death and loss. To my SHOCK a few weeks after my miscarriage I found out I was pregnant again.
Bowie was born in the summer of 2025. Just like Bear he is ray of sunshine. He fills every room with love and light.
We now find ourselves in an extremely tough situation. I know the best thing I can do for him is to remove ourselves and completely start again from scratch. We found a new home and are rebuilding, just the two of us.
I find putting myself out there like this terrifying. Despite having a physical disability, being a grieving (single) mother with an infant at home and not having my own mother to be there with me through all of this anymore, I feel almost allergic to the thought that someone may think of me as a victim and feel sorry for me. This is not about that. I feel extremely resilient, despite all the odds that have piled up against me in many different ways throughout my life. I want to be able to show Bowie how resilient his mother was to pull things together, even in the darkest times with the help of strangers to rebuild our life together from scratch and be able to give him the life that he deserves.
I know me, and I know I can do it. Thank you in advance to any and all willing to help and be part of my story of resilience.