On March 9th, 2018 my daughter was born. And she died. Her birthday became her dying day.
For over a year, Rob and I tried to get pregnant. And I got my Christmas miracle because slightly before Christmas, I found out I was pregnant! As the weeks past and I entered my 2nd trimester, I felt more confident and I shared our wonderful news. And then I found out it was a girl and I couldn't have been happier. I had prayed for years for a girl.
I had experienced some very light spotting on March 8th and went to my Dr on Thursday. They did an ultrasound and saw her alive and well with a perfect heartbeat. They said I looked fine and ordered a test to see if I had an infection. But sent me home. On Friday I woke up in a lot of pain but just thought it must be an infection and I’ll be put on antibiotics soon. Rob took our son to his annual physical and I stayed home alone to recover. Within less than an hour of them leaving, I had such intense pain but I didn’t even realize I was in labor. Without trying my body pushed and her feet and legs came out. I was able to get to a phone and call an ambulance. But before they arrived my daughter was born. I held her dangling between my legs and she moved and her mouth was open. She was alive but I don’t know for how long. She passed away in my hands.
At the hospital I held my daughters lifeless body for hours. Sometimes in utter disbelief and other times in deep sadness. Praying to God that she was not alone in Heaven or scared and she knew how loved and wanted she is. Now that I have held her, I cannot let go. She isn't a possible daughter. She IS my daughter.
Our Mission/Her Purpose
While I was pregnant, the name Hope really spoke to me. It felt cruel to name her that now. Where was her hope for a life? But as I deeply mourned that day we decided to name her Hope. It’s my belief God forms us in the womb and creates each person with a purpose. Although her life was short. Maybe God gave her to us for the purpose of bringing hope into peoples lives. As a way to honor and respect her and show our love, we started this fundraiser in her name. And the money will go to causes that will bring hope and love and goodness into this world. Just because she died, doesn’t mean her purpose in life has to also. I want to allow her life to still bring good in this world. So please donate in her honor. Allow us to bring hope into this world because of her. No matter how tiny her feet were, they can still impact this world.
Rob and I don't have a grave site to visit in her memory. We don't have her ashes to spread over the Earth. But we have this. We have a way to allow her life to mean something to the World. To bring love and hope and goodness into people's lives. Allow us to have that. Donate in her honor and allow us to make other people's lives better because of our girl.
We are going to split the money we raise between multiple non profit charities that support families during infant and child loss. It is an unthinkable experience to go through. You mourn your child but don't have a lifetime worth of memories of them. You mourn your child but don't have mementos of their life on this earth.
- christine baldino
- Kristina Waldron
- Karen Casale
- Clarice Purcell
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