We completed every type of testing known to man. South Jersey Fertility diagnosed me with PCOS. After one year and no luck with fertility drugs and IUI’s (Intrauterine Insemination), I decided to go for a 2nd opinion. The Cooper Institute informed me that I did not have PCOS, and we continued with the fertility drugs and several more IUI’s. We started to lose hope in 2011 and decided to take a break. Then there it was, we were pregnant on our own! We were beyond surprised and thought, finally, this is our miracle. The ultrasounds and blood work showed signs that something was wrong from the start. Not knowing much about miscarriage, I held onto hope. Unfortunately, I miscarried at 8 weeks. As soon as I was given the “OK”, I started trying again by giving myself injections in the stomach daily to produce eggs. I knew it could happen and wasn’t stopping there. In May of 2013, I got pregnant again. At my 8 week ultrasound, the baby’s heartbeat was gone. I ended up in the hospital on vacation, having my second miscarriage on my 29th Birthday. In October 2013, I was pregnant again for the third time. All signs pointed in the right direction and we were told “you can celebrate, this is the one”. It happened again; I had yet another miscarriage at exactly 8 weeks. How could the baby look perfect one day, and the heartbeat be gone the next? I am now diagnosed with unexplained infertility with recurrent miscarriage due to natural killer cell (NK cell), and possible endometriosis. We were faced with the reality that IVF was our only hope. So we prayed in the hopes that this procedure would work. Our 1st IVF things looked “perfect” and we transferred 2 embryos. It was negative. Our 2nd IVF (FET), we transferred 3 frozen embryos. Another negative. This news was heartbreaking, and we have lost hope.
A few years ago I joined a support group through RESOLE, a wonderful and beautiful community of ladies fighting the same battle that I am. I have watched these beautiful women start their infertility journey, spend their hard earned money and struggle everyday. These meetings were filled with tears, heartache, and some joy too. I have sat back and watched them all receive their BFP (big fat positive’s).
My relationship with Tom has grown immensely through this trial. What a true emotional rollercoaster. We have seen each other in our most vulnerable and weak times. I remember going to appointments alone because Tom was working, coming home and just crying. He didn't try to stop me but instead he would just hold me. Sometimes it would be for hours. I remember feeling so alone, like no one in my life understands or tries to understand what I am going through. I am embarrassed to admit that I have had a hard time understanding why God is putting me through this. Why can’t I experience the joy of being pregnant, giving birth, and being a mother? It has been a real challenge being grateful for the life that I do have. I'm tired of feeling sorry for ourselves and seeing others not know how to react to our situation. Our daily life has been more of a struggle for us than we ever imagined as we both have felt something missing from our family. We constantly are finding ways to fill this void by taking quick weekend trips to the shore and trying to stay busy. That is why we are here, to ask for help to continue our journey, and our dream of having a baby.
In the past 5 years, we spent nearly $30,000 out of pocket due to insurance not covering the disease I face everyday. Thankfully, I now have insurance that covers infertility. However, we can hardly get out of living month to month with a large portion of our bills going to previous medical expenses. With insurance, current medication costs are $850 per month. There is absolutely no way we can afford another IVF at this time. Most people are unaware that the average cost of adoption is $40,000, and the average surrogacy costs are $60,000- $80,000. Somehow, Someday, One Way, or Another, we WILL be parents. Whether it is our child, through adoption, or surrogacy, we will not give up. In order to do that, we need your help.
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