Help Single Mom(s) of 2 with Legal Fees

This campaign is to help us cover our legal expenses against my sister's abusive ex-boyfriend.

In May 2021, my sister gained the courage to escape her ex-boyfriend by sneaking out in the middle of the night and driving 3,000 miles across the country with her two children (15 months and 3 years old at the time), with only a laundry basket of clothes, to my one-bedroom apartment as a safe haven.

Overnight, I too became a single parent. Our community helped with supplying emergency clothes for her and the children, books, and toys.

By June 2021, he had found our location and threatened to come and take the children. We worked with a local Domestic Violence group to file a restraining order. Still, given the complexities of state lines, inter-departmental bureaucracy, and low-income barriers (he was working with a lawyer and we weren't), he was never served with any order. We wasted many hours and lost wages trying to navigate the legal world.

By August 2021, we found a school that would accept both children for the academic year at a price we could afford...

and my sister started a new job working as a Registered Behavior Technician (RBT) with children with autism. She was slowly reclaiming her life back and all within my "cozy" tiny 500 sq ft apartment where often we all took turns sleeping on the couch or bed.

As a celebration of what we overcame that summer, we intended to take the children to their first museum but along the way, my car's engine spontaneously burst into flames on a busy highway.

We all escaped with no injuries but the car was toast, literally.

Finding a car within my budget was near impossible due to the supply chain shortage. After what was covered by insurance, I overspent $7,500 on a new (used) car. A few days later in September, for two weeks, we were bombarded with a new neighbor stalking and harassing us and the children. This had no relation to our already ongoing harassing and online stalking from my sister's ex-boyfriend from 3,000 miles away. This was just a completely random incident. Our new neighbor left tracking devices on other neighbors' vehicles, flooded his apartment, tried to kill himself because my sister declined his advances, and made threats of taking the children. We tried filing a restraining order but it escalated so quickly that the police even suggested we relocate. We had less than a week to move and this person was still free to live his life right across from us (he had family and lawyers assisting him).

By early October, we were able to find a last-minute rental, slightly over our budget, but the silver lining was we'd have more space to accommodate two children, two adults, and a cat. The cost to relocate quickly (first, last, moving van, etc) was $5,000.

And then, by Halloween, my sister's ex-boyfriend showed up in town.

My sister tried to make things cordial for the children and establish a custody arrangement. Abuse isn't resolved in <5 months and eventually, my sister realized he wouldn't effectively work together unless a real custody arrangement was established by the courts. He neglected to show up to court and still somehow avoided getting served. If you've ever been through the system, you know nothing can proceed until he is served. Meanwhile, he had violated boundaries, would go on benders, and threatened to take the children and set my sister on fire and run her over with a car (when she would refuse to see him in person). Time and time again, we'd report these incidents to the police and take time away from work to file endless amounts of paperwork but very little would get done either from our lack of resources or his charm to avoid any accountability.

In May, somebody broke my car window and some items were stolen from the rear. Luckily insurance covered most of the damage and lost items (almost $1,000 in camping gear).

By June 2022, he (often) trespassed onto our property and left several used sex toys (dildos, vibrators, thongs) on our patio table next to the children's toys. It was the day before my sister's birthday. He followed her to a friend's home and threatened her life. We installed new padlocks on our home and set up new security cameras.

In July 2022, while I was out of town visiting friends, my cat, Friday, of 3 years unexpectedly died.

Because of the trauma of the last year, I was worried my sister's ex may have somehow poisoned her. I spent $1,250 to have a necropsy performed. Sadly, and poetically, she died from complications of an enlarged heart. When I returned to town, my sister's ex-boyfriend, continued with the harassing and stalking, again to the point where we were fearful for our lives. There's only so much that advocacy groups can provide and with the system that is currently set in place, it isn't 100% accommodating to single mothers with jobs, so we rarely could tap into programs that existed (like free legal advice but only on Tuesdays / Thursdays from 9 a.m. - Noon but without children present).

So, now, here we are in August 2022. We decided we really needed to speak with a professional because we are losing out on our mental/physical/and (what's left of it) financial health. We've been working with a family lawyer to set up a permanent restraining order and to establish full custody and they've already been swift and effective. But, as we know, these things take time...so much time...and money. We paid the $4,000 retainer ($350 an hour) but, we know we need to be realistic about how much this could cost in the end. When the retainer reaches $2,000 we'll need to provide another $4,000 and we're expecting this could easily surpass that at least once. We're hoping it won't but given our luck this past year...anything goes.

Case in point, my sister's car window (over a car seat!) was also broken into recently but her insurance doesn't cover the damage or lost items (estimated $600 in damage and loss).

So, yeah, not the greatest luck.

This is a really long explanation to say, we need help. I've been trying my best to keep everything functioning, everything afloat. Not too long ago, like my sister now, I only had four digits to my name, so I am very grateful that I am now in a position to help my sister, niece, and nephew. But seeing that the last year cost me between $18,000-$20,000 in unexpected costs I am close to not having too much more to give. So, I am calling in favors.

As a single woman, prior to being, essentially, another single parent, I gave for baby showers, bachelorette parties, weddings, funerals, and housewarmings; all the essential milestones, celebrations, and functions. This is not the milestone I wanted but if my sister and I could regain some semblance of normalcy and security then that is a celebration I'd like to partake in.

We've come a long way over the last 15 months. My sister has a job and friends! The children are free to be rambunctious toddlers. It's taken us this long to reach out publicly to ask for help and it's true what they say, every little bit counts. So, thank you for what you can provide, for reading and listening, and for your help in any way. Your donation will go toward covering our legal fees. These two strong (and tired) women are grateful for your assistance in getting us to the end of this journey.