Keep Jen Laughing

My name is Debbie I am 47 years old, I have 5 children and have been married for 15 years. Jennifer Lau is my friend and I have been a witness to her divorce progression from the day it started on October 18, 2018. At first Jen was very optimistic and had written up drafts that were conducive to an amicable legal separation not divorce. The drafts were written and texted to her soon to be ex-husband, they included topics such as housing, financial obligations, visitation schedules, household chores, Holidays, continuing therapy, education, introduction of significant others and medical coverage and decisions that involved the children. Jennifer was fair and equitable in her draft proposals.  Her ex agreed to the details of the plan, but immediately began violating their agreement and asking for concessions. He expected her to accommodate his inconsistent schedule, and consistently made demands in opposition to the agreement. Since last October, I have has a front-row seat to the turmoil that Jen’s ex has put her through.  Some of the most egregious actions include (this list is not exhaustive): • Locked her out of their home twice • Moved out, then moved back in unannounced almost three months later • Called the police on her multiple times for non-emergency reasons; I have personally witnessed the officers’ disgust at his pettiness, his treatment of Jen, and his wasting of community resources. • Stopped paying joint bills, including health insurance and auto insurance. • Cashed out and hid joint assets • Refused to provide any monetary or housing support to her and his children • Cut off her phone and refuses to release her number. •Filled for emergency custody twice and hired an expensive lawyer after demanding that she not hire legal representation. •Spoken negatively to the children about Jen on multiple occasion and on multiple subjects; I have had extensive conversations with the children about things their father has said to them and am very concerned about the long-term effects of his discussions of divorce, custody, and other matters that children should not have to worry about. •Attempted to move without informing Jen and instructed their daughter to lie to her about it. Refused to tell Jen the new address where he planned to take the children during his custody time. Jen sold her engagement ring, the only valuable asset that she had, to pay for her attorney and to have money to pay for the basics like food, gas, clothing and shelter. For a short while after receiving a key to their shared condo Jennifer at least had access to her belongings. She did not, however, feel comfortable staying at the condo, because of her ex’s manipulative and abusive behavior. Shortly after moving back into the condo, her ex had the locks changed and refused to give Jennifer a key to the condo where she was on the lease. He refused to allow her to gather her personal items and forced her to spend her limited funds on a locksmith to access her own home.  Then he moved without any concern to the fact that this effectively made Jen and her children homeless, relying on the kindness of friends for shelter. I think the most important part of this entire process is that Jen has managed to hold herself together with the help of friends who love her dearly and she has found ways to keep her children safe and protected from this nasty process, as well as anyone could ever hope to do given the circumstances. Hopefully she will be able to move forward and put this challenging chapter of her life behind her. In my opinion her ex has acted in a way unbecoming of a father and provider and quite frankly his behavior has jeopardized the safety, security, and mental well being of his children and furthermore traumatized the mother of his children. I would not easily be able to forgive or forget if something similar had happened to me. As it stands now, Jen needs to be able to get an apartment for her and her children, so that she can have the stability to establish a new life and a new career after 8 years as a stay at home mom.  Because her ex has decided to be uncooperative in regards to parenting and has forced simple decisions to go through attorneys, Jen needs to be able to pay her attorney.  Let’s rally around her and show her the love of her community!  If you can’t give, please share this link.  Thank you for your support!