My Life is in Shambles :)

To the small number of people I have kept in my tiny bubble the past decade (particularly post pandemic),

I guess this will read more like an autobiographical book than a gofundme and I honestly have no goal at all in mind with this.

I will preface this by saying: please do not feel obligated to give or guilty if you don't. I am just sharing a bit of vulnerability with my intimate Facebook circle of less than 100 relatives and friends that I trust, and I feel almost comfortable with that level of exposure.

Any support, verbal or otherwise, would never be forgotten.

I take full accountability for the choices I've made in my life and accept the aftermath of consequences one by one as they are rapidly fired at me. I am very much of the "I made my bed and now I have to sleep in it," mentality.

I have assured my kids that we will manage to get to the other side of this transition and they do their best to put their doubts and fears aside. Their entire worlds have been flipped upside down this past month and their is very little semblance of normalcy. We are reaching a peak in turmoil and uncertainty and every time I feel I am making good headway, some other devastating factor sends me back to ground zero. I have multiple obstacles to overcome that feel insurmountable some days but I am unsure if that is just due to my weak mentality and often bleak outlook.

With all that being said, we are very fortunate in many ways. I never lose perspective on how much worse things could be. We are in the middle of the tunnel and if I squint very, very hard, I do see the light.

I just can't wait for my kids to feel hopeful for life in general and for when we can all collectively breathe again.

In the meantime, I try to focus on the things I can control. I aim to send good karma into the universe in hopes it will come back to me. I try not to lose sight of myself and the person I want to be, during a time when I am facing my deepest traumas and triggers. I try to keep in perspective how far I have come, despite feeling like I am failing everywhere.

I do believe the relatively near future is bright. despite this temporary darkness.

Apparently, I am nearing the desperation point where loved ones are offering to make one of these pages on my behalf. This all goes against my character but having someone else do my bidding would be even harder to accept.

I have yet to be in a position where I could ever feel financially secure enough to donate any non-embarrassing sum on these platforms, therefore feel very strange creating one myself and will feel undeserving if I receive anything. Please don't feel any obligation or guilt. I do not like asking for money. I have always had a very powerful guilt complex around money (again, the irony of this page does not escape me). Any single dollar sent my way would cause me internal pain and then probably make me cry. I will gladly accept the most potent of good vibes sent my way, however.

I very much have missed having a sense of community in this world and hope my major life changes offer an opportunity to reconnect.

Venmo @hsheaney

Thank you for any support ❤️