I am running 60 miles in honor of my mum’s 60th birthday. A tradition I have held on her birthday since she passed. And this year, I am raising $6,000 for Stand Up To Cancer, a nonprofit dedicated to a future where cancer is no longer a threat, as I train in Colorado for the hardest athletic feat I’ve attempted in my life.

And this is why…

There is never a good time to lose your mum. At 23, although society considers you an adult you still need love and guidance. You have the freedom and means to choose your own path and on the back of losing the most important person in my life, for the first and only time in my life there were only two options.

I was angry, I was upset, I was lost.

My mum, Amanda, was the one least deserving in our family. By age (53), lifestyle and what she blessed others around her with. A nurse by profession, a mother by nature and a servant to those she loved and strangers alike. She was happiest when providing for others, she was the centre of our family and our home. She didn't smoke, rarely drank and was active in the garden, going on walks and everything that is needed to manage the family affairs.

Losing her had my world shattered. The two roads were clear, one of self-destruction, which I would be afforded with acceptance from loved ones. The other was using the turmoil and pain for something more. I didn't know where the second path led or what it entailed, but my love and admiration for my mum meant I couldn't use her passing as an excuse to ruin my life.

I started running, something as a semi-professional rugby player I hated, it was inextricably linked to punishment and there was no 'win' involved. I found myself at all hours of the day and night lacing up and getting outside, especially when I was upset which was most of the time. I would run with rushes of emotions coming to physical form in the paces I was moving at. I would cry, I would shout out at the world, I'd even close my eyes when vehicles were approaching from behind and wish they would take me out. Whatever was happening out there, it released some pain and I felt a lot more at peace when I would get home.

This was what I kept doing. It wasn't like the appeal of the other path wasn't there, but the more I used my pain as physical power, the further away from the temptation I got.

The catalyst in this story came the Christmas Day after my mum had passed in 2018. I wanted to avoid the 'celebration' by any means necessary but also not to raise any concerns that I was struggling. So I decided to run my first marathon distance around the towns we grew up in. I raised money for Macmillan Cancer Support, who mum had raised money for in the past and whom also supported her through her own fight. Loved ones came out and joined me at different point, by the time I was done we had raised almost £20,000. Through my own physical suffering, I had not just eased my mind, but I had raised funds to help people like my own family. I instantly looked for what was more than a marathon. 8 months later I ran 850 miles in 16 days, the length of the UK and raised over £30,000. Since then my life has been inextricantly linked to ultra running and raising money for charities as well as trying to show people dealing with loss or any struggle that there is a way to use those emotions for good.

I can't do anything to get my mum back, but I can use her memory and show through my own physical feats that she was an incredibly strong and loving woman. She raised me to be the man I am today. What I can also do is continue to fight against cancer and raise as much vital funding as possible in the hope that some day soon no one else will have to go through the experience me and my family have. Cancer affects us all, whether we get it or someone we love does. I'm Standing Up to Cancer, I'm running for my mum and everyone fighting it.